SO what is this famous and popular excuse? I’m sure you’ve heard it before... I’ll give you time to think about it. Need more time? Nah, you’ve got it, you’ve said it, and you’ve been given it. That’s right, the “He can do it better than I can anyways” excuse. And let me just tell you now so you know where I stand: This excuse it bullshit. Oh I said it! It is the shit of bulls. That’s right ladies, the jig is up. Men, be prepared to thank me profusely. I prefer sexual favors but I will take stories any day.
You heard me correct, there is no longer an excuse for not giving a hand job. Well, I mean, not having hands is a good excuse. Or having carpel tunnel (I hear it’s very uncomfortable). Maybe even tennis elbow is a good one… But in regards to the excuse in question, it is no longer usable. And let me tell you why!
Ladies, notice how you can’t tickle yourself? How no matter how hard you try, unless you are poking yourself with a stick, you just can’t get the same tickle that happens when someone else squeezes you in the side? The same rule goes for men and their penises. Don’t get me wrong, they can “tickle” themselves just fine (I’ll explain more in my masturbation piece), but it’s just way more fun (and feels way more intense) when you do it for them.
Another thing a man can’t do by himself? He can’t look at YOU doing the deed. Yeah he can look at porn and pretend that Jenna Jameson is handling his goodies, just like how we can watch the notebook and pretend that Ryan Gosling is frolicking in the ocean with us. Pretend all we want, that shit just ain’t ever gonna happen, and that’s the truth.
Another up to getting instead of giving-and-getting is he can just relax. No forearm workout here, just plain pleasure. His partner can do all the work and he can remain the receiver 100%. Plus he won’t get all red-faced and constipated-looking while trying to get-off.
It’s nice to have someone fooling around with your special parts while making noises. Even if they are moans or sighs, it’s still more than the background noise of ESPN or South Park on the television.
The giver can do MORE than just play with the dick too. She (or he) can use her (or his) mouth on the receiver’s body to get some blood pumping. Nipples, necks, and stomachs are always a good area to stimulate.
The hand job also has many-an-advantage for the giver. First and foremost, none of that foaming-at-the-mouth-before-having-to-figure-out-a-clever-way-to-SPIT-THIS-SHIT-OUT stuff. It’s all in the hands baby, and you are just a softsoap cleansing away from the “coming” to be going.
You also get a more intimate work environment than when your head is between his legs. You can look at one another, you can kiss one another, and you can see his face react to what you are doing to him. It’s very satisfying and will only turn you on more.
Lastly, you don’t have to worry about suction, taste of semen, teeth, and what to do with your hands and eyes (as Ronny told me “does it creep anyone else out when the girl just stares at you the entire time? You’re mouth fucking my dick, not my eyes!”). You just use the techniques I teach you (and I will teach you) and see what hand jobs can bring you.
SO homework for everyone: Try an old school hand job, the kind that goes from start to finish. If he tries to reciprocate, don’t let him (for the first round only). You want him to enjoy it and to tell you what feels good, but you also want to get some vajayjay action in return (and who could blame you). I promise this can only bring more heat into any relationship.
So do your homework, it’s way overdue
Always,
Your Kinseyette
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