Fearless: My most favorite post yet

So I have experienced something pretty interesting over the past week. It started out as an epiphany and has turned into something so large I can’t keep it in my head anymore. Over the past seven days, I have spent time with five different girlfriends, all of whom I have had to watch cry hysterically and from the heart over a boy. That number doesn’t include two nights ago when I was the one in need of some serious comforting. All five of these women are incredibly beautiful, intelligent, and wonderful, and all six of us were capable of loving in such a way that even our toes and the ends of each strand of hair reacted to the feeling. The higher you are, the harder you fall. The harder you fall, the more pain you feel.

A year ago I was undergoing observation. For seven days I was hooked up to a computer through electrodes in my brain. These electrodes recorded every single electrical impulse that shot through my head, from the excitement when my family showed up and visited to the pain when I got stuck with yet another needle. Though you could see these slight alterations in my normal brain rhythms, they were pretty lame, not very visible and all around lousy. The only time that my brain showed any seriously remarkable fluctuations was when my best friend would call me. Every time my phone would play this one certain ring tone all the machines began to buzz their warning tones because the computers thought I was going into some sort of altered state.

My best friend? He’s a boy, and his name is Dean. I didn’t realize until that hospital stay when every time he called the warning buzzers would go off that I was seriously in love with him. Not only did my brain waves fluctuate but my heart rate would increase almost immediately and a smile would rip across my face when I would hear his voice. My head couldn’t keep up with my heart and it’s because of that that I wasted way too much time not thinking about him the way I wanted to think about him. Sometimes you have to listen to your heart, literally. Love affects more than what you expect. It goes deeper than anyone can even try to understand. People see pictures of their ex-lovers decades later and can still remember what he smelled like, what her voice sounded like, what it felt like when they walked into the room. That’s the mini-lesson within this big one. Don’t try to make love a little thing, because life is love. To love is to live.

As it turns out, that boy who made my heart literally race and who made me smile so wide is the same boy who made me feel like the world was ending all but 48 hours ago. It’s funny how things like that happen. People fall in and out of love like it means nothing, ignoring the pain that most definitely means something. If more people paid attention to what hurts then we’d have a lot more people holding hands on campus then crying on benches or in the grass in front of Newcomb Hall.

Last night, Alina was on one of those benches crying over a boy. She was hurting in such a way that I felt it before I even saw her. I could read it in her texts; I could hear it in her voice. It was all because of Leo.

She had been seeing Leo casually for about a month, and we were all so excited for her. After years of lame relationships and boys who had more crazy than Tyra, it seemed like this one was going to go her way.

Last night Leo texted Alina. After a week of being flakey he texted her to tell her that “things were crazy” for him right now and that “he couldn’t talk about it” at the moment. For Alina, it was every past relationship repeated. A boy being sketchy. Her feelings being hurt.

Sitting with her, watching her cry, it became very clear to me that miscommunication or no communication is worse than lying. Here she was crying because she had no idea what was going on. Was he going to be like all the rest? Was he going to hurt her like the others? She had no idea and it was because he didn’t give her any clue. So here’s a new rule for you to apply to your life and your way of loving: If you are going through something, go through it. Involve someone either fully or not at all, but don’t be vague because vague is scary. It’s scary and it’s weird and it’s lonely. Say, “things are fine with us, but there’s something going on with my family” or “there were things going on before I met you, but now that I have you I want you to know that those things haven’t gone away.” You don’t have to tell everything, but please, say something.

It’s because I didn’t tell Dean the whole truth that he said what he said to make my world crash around me. I still don’t know if I was in the wrong, but I am learning from my mistakes. Alina is learning too, just the hard way.

As she cried, Alina began to talk about everything that had ever hurt her pertaining to love. She talked and cried and sobbed and as she unraveled the deepest seeded issue began to sprout. Once it sprouted, I could see it, and once she saw it, she said it. “I am never going to find someone. No one will ever love me.” No. one. Will. Ever. Love. me. Those five meaningless words and that one most meaningful word strung together like that have been said over and over by men and women everywhere.

48 hours ago I was on the phone with Alina and I was the one repeating the six words of disparity. No one will ever love me. No one will ever. Ever. Love. Me. The kind of pain that goes along with saying those words out loud and believing them cannot be understood, and that feeling is one of the worst feelings I have ever felt. My world was crumbling. Everything looked the same to everyone else, but to me the world was wrong, it was cold, and it was foreign. Heartache takes many forms, but no matter what the form the pain is the same, and the pain is real.

Though it’s horrible and gross, it is necessary for us to learn how important love is. By feeling the pain we appreciate the pleasure, and we learn lessons through every heartache and heartbreak. It may feel like you are dying, but you’re not. And what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

For me, things are already looking up. I have moved on from feeling everything to feeling just one thing: content. I don't feel any pain right now, I don't even feel the urge to make phone calls or send texts. I'm not checking my phone a hundred times or facebook stalking. I am finally living my life free of fear, having fun, and enjoying the view up here where being happy is an every moment state of existence. I'm moving on. Finally!

I know Alina is going to find someone and when she does, I know that it is going to be real. Everyone finds someone. The timing may not be right. The situation may not be ideal but the love is real.

Alina, I know that you said that for 22 years your life has been without love, but you are wrong. Look at all the people around you who love you. We may not be the right person and the love may not be what you are looking for, but it's love. You are going to feel it. When you feel it I know you are going to call me and tell me and we are going to laugh about how funny it was when we thought we would never find it. We'll be eachothers' maids of honor and when we give our toasts, this very subject will open the monologue. It's going to happen not because any of us says so, but because it is INEVITABLE and CONSEQUENTIAL. Love comes in waves, so just sit on the beach and get some sun until the tide comes in.

Love is life, and growth extends from love. Talk more, feel more, and forgive more. You’ll be surprised how easy everything else seems to come.

Your Kinseyette

Cute furniture, sexy undertones

So I came upon this website that had furniture that doubled as pleasure devices. I thought I might share with you what I found :-)

Always,
Your Kinseyette

http://www.fastcompany.com/blog/michael-cannell/cannell/milan-preview-love-design

A wonderful surprise

This is an email I got, and I decided I HAD to share this. I hope it touches you like it touched me.


Kinseyette-- I have great news. Possibly the greatest news I've had in a long time. Of course, I told my girls but I wanted to share it with you too.

About a month ago, I was casually dating this guy and everything was... well, fantastic. except one little thing. and its going to sound ridiculous, but I knew things weren't going to work out because he kept telling me how sexy I was. This is something I have never believed to be true about myself. I have never been "sexy" in my entire life; I am always the cute one, or the pretty one, or the one with the great smile. I love being that girl.

When things went south, despite what actually happened, I knew that the sexy issue was at the root and I was the only one who could to fix it. What scared me more was the fact that if i didn't fix it, it could ruin another great relationship in the future. I kept telling myself to email you and ask you what to do, ask you what makes a girl sexy, how do i feel sexy? for some girls its putting on a pair of heels or beautiful lingerie but that has never done it for me -- they just make me feel fun.

I have some of the most beautiful friends, but they are in the same boat too and that's why I'm telling you my little story. Girls -- Sexy is not just a Victoria Secrets Model with 0% body fat, and double D's. Boys say Playboy models and porn stars are sexy, but that's just a fantasy and lets be honest -- we have them too. Those girls are flat on a page, or on the computer. Their isn't any interaction. Sexy isn't about height, or weight or how great your boobs are. I am really tall, not all that skinny and have no boobs. But i have this kind of control. I don't know if I can fully explain it. Someone told me a long time ago that sexy is an attitude, you have to exude sexiness. I did not know what the hell they were talking about. Dancing on Saturday night, it all came to me. I had a great time, and as we all sometimes do, I went home that night with someone I shouldn't have. Usually, I exhibit pretty good self control, but somewhere in my drunken state, I let myself go. Something changed inside of me. We weren't grinding away or anything, but instead, would dance really close and he would spin me all around. I knew him pretty well. He always carried himself like such a tough guy, he's not your love-able, hug-able, squeeze-able guy friend. He's a mans man, beer in hand, football playing guy. But Saturday, he was like puddy in my hand. He wanted it, he wanted me and I was in control -- I was the one who decided what he got. I revealed a different side of him.

All day Sunday, I had the worst hangover of my life. I live my life with no regrets because they don't help anything. Inside my pounding head, I was regretting the night before. That's when the last guy i dated came back to me. Its always the ones with a little bit of sass that get me (and its probably my downfall.) He was always just a little pouty, but if I looked at him just the right way, he cracked the biggest grin, gave me that, "ohgod, I wasn't going to smile but you got me again" look and... well... there went our clothes. At least for me, sexy is my power to melt off that brooding, tough, or sassy exterior with a look, a smile or a kiss. That's when I stopped regretting the night before. I found another part of me.

I feel like a whole new woman. Just living life is a little more fun now. I have always loved to people watch and this just puts a new spin on things. I would also like to note that this is a major step for me. About three years ago, I ended a serious relationship -- but also an abusive relationship and I have really allowed myself to get involved with a guy since then. Maybe that is why, for me, being sexy is about being in control. Its been a long road, some major healing and forgiveness, soul searching and life changes, but I am finally coming into my own. I can't even tell you how excited I am to just go live.

It was about damn time I got out of my rut.
have fun. be fearless.

love, s

"You don't have to dress up for it"

It has come to my attention in the last 24 hours that a few of my good friends (who are girls) have never masturbated to the point of orgasm before. This, to me, is not only shocking but also unbelievable for college-age women.

Men, I am sorry to leave you out of this, but it is pretty much inevitable that unless you have consciously attempted to abstain from masturbation you have in fact whacked yourself off. Don’t be offended; it’s just the truth.

Ladies, before I even start, I need to say this: How can you expect a man to do it if you have never even tried? You can’t assume a guy is going to go through all that work if you never took the time to do it yourself. So my question now is: why aren’t your hands down your pants right now?

Plain and simple, there is nothing but healthiness associated with masturbation. Yes, it’s true that Kellogg’s corn flakes were invented by Sir Kellogg to prevent young boys from masturbating. Don’t believe me? Do your own research and you will find that I am anything but fully on top of the truth. For years and years masturbation was seen as a negative thing, a way for people to have seizures, warts, diseases, everything from blindness to hyperactivity. It is now known that the only bad thing that can come from chronic masturbation is a blister and an unwavering smile.

Truman capote once said that masturbation is great because “You don’t have to dress up for it,” and that is the truth. To start, if you never have, make sure you’re naked. Using a mirror might help at first but after a while you aren’t going to want to look at all your bits all the time. So get down there, check yourself out, and revel in the beauty that s your baby maker. That’s right lades, baby maker.

Your clitoris is located under your clitoral hood. This is the spot, your locus, and the area that will bring about your orgasms. Make sure you understand this part of you, every single part of this part, as one day you might have to show your man where it is.

What next? Well that is completely up to you. If toys are your thing check our drugstore.com as a discrete way to buy and receive sex toys. Make sure you get a toy with clitoral vibration or stimulation, as that is how you are most likely going to reach orgasm.

If machinery isn’t your thing, use your hands. Use lubrication and use circular motions. You want to directly stimulate your clitoris constantly and with enough pressure that orgasm is reached. How will you know you reached orgasm??? Well, let me just say that you can’t miss it.

Most women need to be warmed up. Reading erotic stories online or watching porn will most assuredly help. I know, it may seem strange and weird reading about other peoples love trysts, but before you know it you will see that “Eric” can heat you up just as much as he does to “Amber.” Porn is hard to watch at first, and if you don’t like it, don’t do it. Whatever works for you (like watching Zac Effron or Rob Pattinson in their movies) do it. You will not have a successful masturbatory session if you aren’t turned on.

So don’t be embarrassed, its natural. Not to mention recent studies show that women who can reach climax on their own efficiently are WAY more likely to reach it with their partner. Practice makes perfect in more than just your reading, writing, and arithmetic. Do the math, and don’t forget about your clit.

Always,
Your Kinseyette

Juicy New STORIES

Helloooo everyone! Just though y'all should know that I am up and updating, so if any of you have any questions, comments, concerns, please feel free to email me at xxxxnoochxxxx@mac.com. Everything is 100% anonymous and contractually I will never reveal anything you don't want me to.

So dig deep (but don't hurt yourself) and send me anything you've got

Always,
Your Kinseyette

P.S
The image below is real video footage found of two people literally having sex on a freeway. Just thought I'd share :-)

One more chart

Let me just say that condoms are more than just something to blow up as balloons at a bachelorette party. They should be used every time for as long as you don't want to be pregnant OR diseased. STD's are more volatile now more than ever, and sometimes your partner doesn't even know that what they have is a STD. Sometimes his balls itch, how is he supposed to know that he actually has a male HPV or herpes? Not everyone understands infection and not all infections are immediately understandable. So do yourself and your junk a favor and wrap it before you use it. Okay?!

This chart shows the prices of condoms in different countries and cities. Just something to think about.

Always,
Your Kinseyette

Simple and true

Just a little something to make you smile!

Always,
Your Kinseyette