You're PREGNANT?! DAMN YOU GRAVITY!!!!

SO I received a question via email today that needed some answering. It went a long the lines of:

Hey, I want some answers to sex questions. What role does gravity play in terms of the likelihood of pregnancy?

It was simple, clear, concise, and begged the question of whether or not this boy (or girl) is worried about the chances of getting pregnant. The question of whether or not gravity affects the likelihood of pregnancy is one of those urban sex myths that can be filed alongside that sneezing prevents pregnancy or that a girl can’t get pregnant their first time experiencing intercourse. Some people would like to believe that if a woman is on top she can’t get pregnant because semen wont be able to (due to gravity) travel up into the uterus and eventually to the unfertilized egg.

The affect of gravity on the movement of semen through the vaginal canal is so negligent that it doesn’t even really matter. Just think of the math: the average ejaculate contains 300 MILLION sperm in about 5 ml of fluid (with the average male dispelling between 1 and 1.5 ml during orgasm and ejaculation). Each and every single one of these sperm cells are trying there hardest to make it to the uterus, so gravity isn’t much of a challenge to these swimming stallions.

In truth, if you want to get pregnant and haven’t been able to, trying gravity-helpful positions (like missionary or with the girl on bottom) can do no harm. That doesn’t mean that gravity can help cause a pregnancy, it just means for those desperate few who want to conceive but can’t, anything is worthy of trying.

After thinking and researching about this topic, I came upon a few more urban sex myths relating to pregnancy and pregnancy prevention. I’ve heard and read about some pretty bullshitastic techniques of expelling semen from the body (or preventing semen from entering) that, if believed, will just result in a baby or two.

Firstly, I have heard that douching with coca-cola or sprite will kill the sperm inside the vagina. Before I even continue, I should probably tell you that douching doesn’t really do anything to prevent pregnancy anyways, so douching with coke or sprite will just irritate your vaginal wall and leave it with a fresh, lemony feeling (which, if that’s what you’re going for, go on with your lemon-lime self).

I’ve also heard that you can’t get pregnant during your period. Ladies (and gentlemen), cycles are so unpredictable and crazy at times that there really are no safe days or weeks to have unprotected sex without fear of conception. That’s why the rhythm method usually fails and why birth control and condoms are so much more effective.

A funny myth is that if the underwear stays on, no one can get pregnant. False False False. I know, it’s unfortunate and scary, but I should warn you that if this was indeed true, condoms would be made out of underwear material and dry humping would be way more socially acceptable. If sperm seeps through underwear, it is just a vulva and vagina away from impregnating an unsuspecting girl who thought she was being “virginal.” Don’t misunderstand me, this is a very rare case scenario and you shouldn’t freak out every time you get some semen on your special under things. Just remember that underwear isn’t really a barrier, its a fashion accessary (and a cute one at that).

A few more things: sneezing, jumping up and down, even coughing hard does not expel enough semen from the vagina to prevent pregnancy. Remember, on average there are 600 million sperm ejaculated at one time…. Coughing, sneezing, or jumping out even a million of these monsters wont stop them from trying to accomplish their mission.

Oh and yes, it’s true: a girl CAN get pregnant her first time, even if she hasn’t gotten her period yet. There are reported cases of girls whose sexual encounters occurred the same month of their first ovulation and they were buying diapers and baby clothes before ever having to buy pads and tampons.

SO children, in conclusion, be safe, use some legitimate barriers (female/male condoms, the pill, the ring, diaphragms, etc) and make sure that you don’t take any old wives tales to heart. If you do, you may end up a 30-year-old “old wife” with a 10-year-old child yourself.

Always,
Your Kinseyette

from HJ's to BJ's

So when my best friend Johnny and his buddies read my article about why women should give hand jobs, their reaction was pretty surprising. They told me that though well written (they have to say that or I wont bring them beer and hook them up with my sorority sisters), the article was a little too far reaching.

The conversation went like this:

ADAM: We don’t want hand jobs. We really can do it better than girls anyways.
ME: So what do you want me to do? Write an article about why women should give head instead?
BOYS: (in unison) YES!

Talking to this table of hulking football players got me thinking about men and their “oral” fixation. It’s because of this that I am going to share with you some hints, tips, and advice to give some wow-you-give-it-like-a-porn star type of head.

Male oral sex has been called many-a-things since the beginning of its existence. People have called it head, dome, blowjob, and the scientific community calls it fellatio. Just because it’s called a blowjob doesn’t mean that there should be any blowing though (seriously don’t do it). This is a rookie mistake that can lead so some serious discomfort.

There are many reasons women enjoy giving head and men enjoy receiving it. Firstly and most obviously, women can do more with their cheeks, lips, and tongues than they can with their vagina. It’s a simple fact of physiology. People also enjoy giving head because it gives them not only a sense of intimacy, but also a sense of power. As Samantha in Sex & The City once said, “I may be on my knees, but I’ve got him by the balls.”

The art of the blowjob is simple in that penises are a lot less mysterious than the female equivalent. Think about it, it’s all out there wagging in the wind and there isn’t much to search for. When giving head, one needs only to know what parts of the penis are the most sensitive and what will feel bad.

Firstly, a note about anatomy. Unlike the clitoris which is a small area packed with nerve endings, the penis does not have the same sensitivity over its entirety. The head of the penis is where sensation is most exquisite, and therefore more time should be spent in this locale than on the base of the shaft.

To start on your fallatio endeavor, you should get into a position that is most comfortable for you. Certain positions can make the event more comfortable for both partners as well as decrease the affect of the gag reflex. Quick side note, deepthroating is a novelty not a necessity. Deepthroating actually doesn’t do much for a man in the sense of direct stimulation, but it can still be a turn on for him mentally. If you don’t want to do this but your man keeps pressuring you, grab a banana and tell him to stick the whole thing in his mouth. That should bring him down from that cloud real quick.

A great position to start with is where the woman is in between her partner’s legs while he is laying down. She can look up at him and he can watch her do her thing. A variation of this is if the woman is on top in reverse, like a 69 position. This is very erotic as the man can watch her do her thing from behind. The bad thing about this bad boy of a position is that the giver doesn’t have the best range of motion or the best access to the penis.

If the guy wants to do all the work (aka if he wants to gently thrust into his partners mouth instead of her doing the motion) he should sit on her chest and lean over her. This potition is great and allows a wide range of motion.

So now that we have positions, lets get into technique. If you haven’t ever given head, you can start by pretending that you are sucking on a Popsicle. This is just something to start out with, as eventually the man will get tired of the same repetitious movement.

To prevent gagging, you can keep a fist on the base of his shaft so that only about 3 inches of phallic monstrosity can enter your mouth. It feels good to him and he wont even notice why you are doing it.

You can lick the penis with the end of your tongue or give it a long lick with the fat middle part. They call this the “Shirley Temple” because it is as if the giver is licking a lollipop.

Try twisting your head when you are going down and up on the shaft. This gives the receiver a greater amount of stimulation. Make sure to focus on the upper half of the penis though, as this is where the most nerve endings are.

If you look at the penis, there is a long seam that runs along the shaft from midway through the scrotum all the way up to the head. Try licking from his testicles all the way up the entire shaft. He won’t even know what hit him.

Try pulling the skin on the penis taut. If you take your thumb and forefinger and place them around the penis a few centimeters above the base and pull down, the skin on the skin on the shaft will be pulled tighter and will, in turn, increase sensation. This may also encourage the man to come sooner.

While giving head, never neglect the nipples. Some guys have nipples that are super sensitive, especially during oral intercourse.

Creating a slight vacuum in your mouth is another technique that many men enjoy. By sucking in slightly, your mouth engulfs his shaft and he feels is so much more.

I know you’ve heard this before, but the perineum (the area between the testicles and the anus) is a great place to place a knuckle or two while giving head. Ask your partner first; otherwise things may not come to the way you want them to.
Ladies, play up the fact that he probably is watching you do your thing. Raise your hips in the air slightly so he can see your curves, and really show with your body how into the act you are.

To increase sensation even more, try tapping, humming, or vibrating your lips. It’s easy to understand why this feels good to a man, as this feels good for a woman as well.

Temperature changes can turn any luke-warm moment red-hot and flaming. Try putting hot water in your mouth to make the inside of your cheeks and tongue extra warm. It feels great on the man's member and the water can be used as extra lubrication when spit just isn’t working enough.

Talk about wants, needs, desires, and try your own experiments to figure out what feels good for you and your partner. Now that you know some positions, tips, and techniques, get down to business and have some fun.

Always,
Your Kinseyette

A little sparkle to start off your day!

A little something my lovely Chelsea sent me!!

Always,
Your Kinseyette