Jack and Jill are perfect for one another (and I don’t just mean because of their names). They never fight and they seem to bring out the best in one another. The amount a couple fights isn’t always a perfect indication of the health of a relationship, since sometimes people are so afraid of one another that when they do have some serious issues, those issues will not be discussed (which is never a good thing). However, the fact that both Jack and Jill are happy not only on their own, but with each other, means that they have the most successful, fulfilling, and loving relationship possible for them.
That being said, today at lunch I learned a funny story about this power couple. It starts with them having sex, and ends with Jill calling out a name. Not Jack’s name, by the way, but I’m sure you figured that out already. Lets say this other lucky fellow has a name that is Phil, to protect his anonymity (and because Phil obviously rhymes with Jill, keeping the fairytale-like spirit alive). So there was Jack and Jill, mid act, doing their thing, you know, the dirty dirty, when BAM, Jill lets loose a name that is not associated with her boyfriend.
After laughing at choking on my bagel in response to hearing this story, I was able to ask Jack a couple of questions on his reaction. They went along the lines of, “How can you recover from that? What do you do next?!” His responses went along the lines of “You don’t. It was like, alright, see you tomorrow.” In other words, they laughed and lived on.
That got me thinking about the phenomenon of yelling someone else’s name in bed. How does one react to that situation without doing more damage? What causes this sensation? Stereotypically most people would be so thrilled to be having sex that calling out the name of someone you are not in bed with seems hard to do. I have done a little research and have found some personal responses to this very sticky situation. My favorite comes from an anonymous man. His response reflects the event if a man yells out another woman’s name during sex.
“This is a good example of how men if they were completely honest with their girlfriends, would be dumped in seconds. Everyone fantasizes about other people / animals / vegetables / inanimate objects when the lights are off and its completely healthy. Let's face it, having sex with the same person over an extended period of time can become routine and a little mental deviation can add a bit of excitement. I'm sure the first thing all the fellas who watch a Britney Spears video on TV are thinking, 'this is outrageous exploitation of women and I will write a letter complaining about this instant'. I don't think so. They are more likely thinking, 'I hope the girlfriend doesn’t come back too quick from work' and 'where’s the Kleenex'. Men are either pervs or healthy depending on your point of view. If it happens again, have a sense of humor, don’t doubt yourself so much, the guy is with you not her, and give him a slap and tell him if it happens again you will get the cuffs and whips out!! I'm sure that will improve things no end.”
That being said, so I agree with this anonymous male’s opinion? Some of it, yes. I do agree that sometimes sex lives get old and that mental fantasies are a healthy alternative, but that is rarely the case in college students just starting out on their sexual adventurousness.
My opinion? Sometimes brains “fart,” and its no surprise this happens doing something that is so physical and not so intellectual as sex. When you let your thinking brain go and let your body do the talking, there is nothing keeping random thoughts from bursting through your mouth.
How do you deal with it if your partner calls out someone else’s name? Well, firstly, if you can laugh it off then do it. If it is a first time/one time bit, there is nothing to worry about. Do me a huge favor and don’t assume your partner is cheating on you with the person he/she named. The start of accusations is the first sign of a failing relationship. By accusing her you are showing your partner that you don’t fully trust her. Moreover, if you don’t trust her completely, then how can you expect her to trust you?
If every time your partner reaches climax they yell out their bosses name, you may want to consider couples counseling or at least a very serious talk. Again, don’t make sudden accusations, especially mid-copulation, but there is a reason for the continuous outbursts so you should try to figure it out TOGETHER.
If you can’t finish sex after “the event,” don’t worry. Men are sensitive and sometimes after something like this happens, they just cant, well, deliver the way they normally can. The same goes to women, especially because our own personal mental control is what helps us ease into climax to begin with (and alternatively if we are distracted, a successful orgasm is even harder to achieve).
Friday, January 16, 2009
and then he kissed me: an update on Delia and Dakota
Since last night was a night of many parties, I was sure that there’d be many-a-story to be told in the morning. And oh was I right. From a kiss with some major subtext, to the official labeling of a relationship, the night was filled with some new developments.
So I left off on the story of Delia and Tim with a bit of a stalemate: I was unsure of what was going on, and I think Delia was hesitant to tell me about what had happened. Last night, however, the stalemate ended. To say it ended doesn’t mean that many questions were answered, but that there was initiated contact. And a Kiss ☺ But first, I need to talk about Dakota.
Dakota also had a bit of a night. The guy she’s been seeing (and whom she has strongly been denying is her boyfriend) finally called the relationship official. How did he do it, you ask? Well, because Dakota made us late for the busses to the fraternity party (I am still bitter), we decided to catch a cab. To fill the time, Brock (her something) decided to buy some Boons and wait in the cold for the cab to show up. While walking and talking about who was going to pay for cab fare, Brock stated, “Who is paying?” When Dakota stated that she would, Brock responded with a, “Wow, I am such a moochy boyfriend.” Dakota would’ve missed it, but I sure didn’t. I started coughing uncontrollably, hoping that she would take the hint and rewind, review, and respond to what was just said, but she was oblivious. I explained to her after what had been said, and that was that.
This got me thinking about when the time is right to make a relationship official. In high school things were ALWAYS official. A guy wanting to have a girl as his girlfriend would just ask, “Do you want to go out with me?” and that’d be that. Everyone dated each other in high school, and sometimes being boyfriend/girlfriend just meant you could make out in the parking lot before school and not be judged.
In college, people can hook up, go on dates, and meet each others parents at the Columns Hotel for martini’s and still not call each other the “(insert gender)friend.” The way Brock went about making things official is cute and easy. Brock and Dakota have been seeing each other for a little while before Christmas break, and they get along great. We all figured it was just a matter of time before it happened. By just casually dropping the G word, Brock gently initiated the idea and concurrently made it stick.
Some girls prefer a discussion before the official has become official. These are the kinds of girls that usually “wear the pants,” and there’s nothing wrong with that. So guys, if you have a controlling type-A girl, make sure you discuss with her the idea of being exclusive before making the assumption. Who knows, your future lawyer girlfriend may have a few boyfriends on the side. To bring this up in conversation, simply ask her if she’d mind being called your girlfriend. If that is too awkward, go the Brock way, drop the word when with friends, and if she has a problem with it she will most definitely bring up the issue the next time you are alone. In other words, it can’t hurt.
We left for the party all single ladies, and before we even hit the venue we had a couple.
After we all went to the fraternity party downtown (and I subsequently went home), Delia and a couple of people went to the bar that Tim works for as a bouncer. When they got there, Delia said hi to her almost-something and went along like nothing was different. She told me she felt awkward being so close to him and all I could say was that it is to be expected after such a long period of no communication.
The whole evening they made small talk and small advancements were being made. By the end of the night, it was Delia and Tim in the middle of the Bar. She said that he was very touchy, very feely, and that he even kissed her in front of everyone. After that moment, he brought up the awkward by asking her to text him. She consequently brought up that it was HIM who didn’t respond to HER texts, and therefore he no has the wonderful responsibility to maintain communications.
Guys, if you really like a girl, don’t wait around for her to text you. Traditionally girls tend to wait around for the guy, so don’t make them wait. Girls, if you haven’t gotten a text from a guy your into for a couple of days, send him a little message asking him to PJs or Bruff, or even ask him if he is going to that party this weekend. If all else fails, type an inside joke onto his facebook wall or send him a funny bumpersticker. Make sure he knows you are there, as guys sometimes get so self-conscious about your interest that they would rather prevent embarrassment and not contact you.
After telling me their encounter, Delia seems pretty excited about the whole thing, and I am so happy for her. She deserves to be happy. I’m sure there will be many more developments with them, as well as with everyone.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
So I left off on the story of Delia and Tim with a bit of a stalemate: I was unsure of what was going on, and I think Delia was hesitant to tell me about what had happened. Last night, however, the stalemate ended. To say it ended doesn’t mean that many questions were answered, but that there was initiated contact. And a Kiss ☺ But first, I need to talk about Dakota.
Dakota also had a bit of a night. The guy she’s been seeing (and whom she has strongly been denying is her boyfriend) finally called the relationship official. How did he do it, you ask? Well, because Dakota made us late for the busses to the fraternity party (I am still bitter), we decided to catch a cab. To fill the time, Brock (her something) decided to buy some Boons and wait in the cold for the cab to show up. While walking and talking about who was going to pay for cab fare, Brock stated, “Who is paying?” When Dakota stated that she would, Brock responded with a, “Wow, I am such a moochy boyfriend.” Dakota would’ve missed it, but I sure didn’t. I started coughing uncontrollably, hoping that she would take the hint and rewind, review, and respond to what was just said, but she was oblivious. I explained to her after what had been said, and that was that.
This got me thinking about when the time is right to make a relationship official. In high school things were ALWAYS official. A guy wanting to have a girl as his girlfriend would just ask, “Do you want to go out with me?” and that’d be that. Everyone dated each other in high school, and sometimes being boyfriend/girlfriend just meant you could make out in the parking lot before school and not be judged.
In college, people can hook up, go on dates, and meet each others parents at the Columns Hotel for martini’s and still not call each other the “(insert gender)friend.” The way Brock went about making things official is cute and easy. Brock and Dakota have been seeing each other for a little while before Christmas break, and they get along great. We all figured it was just a matter of time before it happened. By just casually dropping the G word, Brock gently initiated the idea and concurrently made it stick.
Some girls prefer a discussion before the official has become official. These are the kinds of girls that usually “wear the pants,” and there’s nothing wrong with that. So guys, if you have a controlling type-A girl, make sure you discuss with her the idea of being exclusive before making the assumption. Who knows, your future lawyer girlfriend may have a few boyfriends on the side. To bring this up in conversation, simply ask her if she’d mind being called your girlfriend. If that is too awkward, go the Brock way, drop the word when with friends, and if she has a problem with it she will most definitely bring up the issue the next time you are alone. In other words, it can’t hurt.
We left for the party all single ladies, and before we even hit the venue we had a couple.
After we all went to the fraternity party downtown (and I subsequently went home), Delia and a couple of people went to the bar that Tim works for as a bouncer. When they got there, Delia said hi to her almost-something and went along like nothing was different. She told me she felt awkward being so close to him and all I could say was that it is to be expected after such a long period of no communication.
The whole evening they made small talk and small advancements were being made. By the end of the night, it was Delia and Tim in the middle of the Bar. She said that he was very touchy, very feely, and that he even kissed her in front of everyone. After that moment, he brought up the awkward by asking her to text him. She consequently brought up that it was HIM who didn’t respond to HER texts, and therefore he no has the wonderful responsibility to maintain communications.
Guys, if you really like a girl, don’t wait around for her to text you. Traditionally girls tend to wait around for the guy, so don’t make them wait. Girls, if you haven’t gotten a text from a guy your into for a couple of days, send him a little message asking him to PJs or Bruff, or even ask him if he is going to that party this weekend. If all else fails, type an inside joke onto his facebook wall or send him a funny bumpersticker. Make sure he knows you are there, as guys sometimes get so self-conscious about your interest that they would rather prevent embarrassment and not contact you.
After telling me their encounter, Delia seems pretty excited about the whole thing, and I am so happy for her. She deserves to be happy. I’m sure there will be many more developments with them, as well as with everyone.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
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