Cum and tasty-- Mutually exclusive?

So here’s an email I got from my dear girl Lexi:

Dear Kinseyette,
My roommate and I got to talk the other night about this topic. She was eating pickles and said; "I heard pickles make your vagina smell good". Now I have heard before that food makes guy's cum smell and taste different depending on foods they eat, but I have never heard that about a girl's parts before. Is it true that pickles make your vagina smell good? Do foods affect the way our vagina smells and does it also affect the taste of our cum? Please let me know what you find out on this topic.
Much love,
Lexi!

Ladies (and gents) it is about time I got down to business (if you pardon the pun). The business being, obviously, vaginas, penises, secretions, and semen.

This first bit of news is a bit sad: want to get your spunk to be less spunky? You got to cut down on all of your ever-so-enjoyable vices. That’s right, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, even unhealthy foods all affect the way you taste down there. The most common word-of-mouth (again with the puns!) is that vegetarians taste and smell the best.

The good part is that it is easy to add a little sweetness to your sweet parts. The rumor is true: pineapples are your friend, especially when you want your after-dinner-desert to involve more than whipped cream and strawberries. Pineapple raw, juiced, even canned can increase the sweetness of your juices. The affect wears off within 12 hours, so eat it a little while before the act, and then get yo ass down to what’s important! Take wheatgrass shots when you’re at jamba juice, eat fruits, celery, and drink lots of water!! This goes for men and women equally.

When it comes to foods to stay away from, use your head: you know how when you eat onions or garlic you can smell it come out of your pores when you wake up the next morning? The same goes for your between-the-thigh secretions. Onions, asparagus, even curries can affect the way your cum tastes. And let me tell you, no one likes a curry cum surprise.

Thanks to a helpful website I discovered, here’s a little recipe for a special “super spunk smoothie:”

1 cup pineapple, fresh or canned

1 banana, frozen

1 cup apple juice

1/2 tsp ginger

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/4 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

2 TBS honey

Optional ingredients: 1 raw egg white, 2 TBS wheat germ, 2 TBS flax seed, 1 shot wheatgrass juice


So, grab some pineapple, throw away the asparagus, and take your pants off: its time for some good ol’ time eatin’

Always,
Your Kinseyette