Men, manicures, and the assumption of homosexuality

So I'm sitting here, getting my toe nails all buffed and shined, when a man walks in to get his nails done. He walked in slowly but confidently, argyle-clad chest in the air and perfect teeth a-smilin'.

Gay. First the word that popped into my head. Then it systematically repeated itself: gay gay gay gay gay. Normally that in-head assumption doesn't bother me. My gaydar is pretty much in top notch working order, what with some of my best male friends being the "flaming" type of homo always ready to point out "one of their own."

Somehow this was different; he looked at me and instead of smiling he checked out my rack. Ok, so I have big boobs. The gays love 'em too. It wasn't until i overheard the way he spoke to his manicurist that he caught my attention: he was verbally replaying the hot date he had just gone on with his older, beautiful FEMALE business partner.

I figured he was kidding, but after listening (incredulously) to him, I realized: if he was flaming anything it was soley heterosexuality.

So there I was, a student studying sex, gender, and all the combinations of them, unbelievably questioning my own assumptions of sexuality. This aparent heterosexual? He was just a man who liked to have clean hands and trimmed nail beds. I Was the foolish one to jump to conclusions based on his "feminine" beauty ritual. And you'd think I'd know better!!

With even more thought I hypothesized that maybe his overly obvious displays of sexuality (checking out my rack, talking just loud enough that the whole salon could hear him discuss the blonde beauty he banged) was his way of asserting his non-gay self-identity. Men do it all the time. They cry at movies and then pick fights with you to re-establish their masculinity. They tell you they love you then they distance themselves so you don't think they're a "pussy."

This assumption that males performing things that are feminine are gay is archaic and no longer relevant. Look at the metrosexual movement, for example. Gender bending and role reversals only began when men started showering daily with Dove and applying lipgloss.

Here's my advice:

Ladies, don't discount a man you think is gay just because he gets his eyebrows waxed or likes to put coverup on his blemishes. He'll look prettier, you'll have a prettier man, and in return you'll feel prettier. It's pretty much a win-win.

Men, get your nails done. Sure, girls like me will assume you're gay, but thats easily fixed. All you gotta do is talk about a real (or imagined) heterosexual sexcapade and no one will go further in their assumptions.

Not to mention, when a woman sees a man with clean and soft hands, there's not much she can do to prevent the inevitable thought of what they'd feel like on her body :-)

One day there will be no assumptions about sexuality because sexuality won't matter. Women will "have sex like men" and men will openly cry and the word "lez" or "homo" won't even be thought. Until then, embrace what you are.

Talk to you soon

Your KINSEYette



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