normalcy please

Here is an email I just got:

What about stupid, awkward boys? Can we talk about that? The ones that avoid you for absolutely no reason, even after you've leveled the playing field. ... they suck. I'm sorry I couldn't go home with you ONE night. ONE. But when I return the question and you've moved on, I call that even. No hard feelings. Stop being awkward. I DON’T CARE. Why do they think we care so much after it's obvious we're even? I kicked your ego. You kicked mine; let's go back to normalcy, PLEASE!

Children, it has finally come the time to talk about relationships. Yes, you heard me; we are going to delve into some of the more idiot moves of the men and women who are trying to find happiness together.

Girl, it seems to me like there are some serious misunderstandings going on right about now. You didn’t go home with this guy one night and now that awkward stage of what-the-fuck-are-we-friends-or-can-we-still-try-this-going-home-thing is occurring all around you.

Firstly, you are completely correct, his ego has been shit on. IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT! People need to learn to deal with rejection and bounce back from it, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. If we get hung up on every rejection we will never get anywhere. Look at you! You have bounced back. He is the one who is deflated on the floor.

Men, if a girl turns you down once, don’t assume that this means she is never going to want to go home with you or that she doesn’t want to spend that very night in your bed. I mean, don’t get me wrong, please don’t ask her over every night or stalk her at the palms, but you never know what is really going on in her life right now. There may be a complication or drama that you don’t even want to remotely get involved in and she is trying to spare you from it. All of this goes for you ladies as well. Both men and women need to think from the perspective of the other to help everyone understand what the fuck is going on.

So he moved on, you moved on, and things aren’t normal because…? It’s incredibly difficult sometimes for some people to deal with embarrassment. For me personally, it’s probably the hardest thing to get over. It seems from what you have told me that he either is playing a game with you or he has an issue with the embarrassment associated with rejection.

You got to think if he is going to take something that miniscule so seriously, then maybe he had some sort of feelings towards you. If that was the case, give him time and space to get over it. It is always way harder to deal with things when feelings are hurt.

And now on to the games we play. Games are old and outdated, yet we all feel the need to play them constantly. It was only a few short weeks ago that Dakota told me not to text a boy so that I can play one of these games with him. What did I end up doing? I called him. I walked back to my room and I called him. I made my own rules. Was she right? Well, as of right now this boy and me are in no way dating, but I don’t thank that has to do with my calling patterns.

Since the release of the book, film, and copycat publications of “He’s just not that into you,” women and men alike are realizing that games are becoming more and more painful and destructive. Yes, there is a time when being coy or keeping secrets is cute and adorable, but eventually you just have to admit you have a crush and let yourself either fall in love or get kicked in the ass and left on the curb. Either way you have an ANWER and the AWKWARDNESS that is a close cousin of SILENCE has no way of existing.

If he is playing a game with you, don’t play back. It is only a matter of time before he gets off his high horse and starts walking beside you again. You just have to let him know, in your own personal way, that you haven’t nor will you ever use anything against him. In other words, you have to have him realize that you really don’t care. How do you do this? Act normally around him. Send him a text, have him meet you for lunch somewhere. Talk about normal things and show him that there IS INFACT a friendship to salvage. If it’s worth it, it’s worth it.

If that doesn’t work, let him know somehow that everything really is okay. That normalcy can be achieved. My advice, in short, is talk. Communicate. You don’t ever have to bring up the rejection or the subsequent reversal of the table, you can start a new chapter right here, right now. Start a new book if you want, just start over.

Anything else let me know, and keep me updated.

Always,
Your Kinseyette