One thing that cannot be denied is that the anus is home to so many nervereceptors that not many body parts can even compete. It’s also true that vaginal and anal sex both have similar nervous system reactions inside of the brain. That being said, I've never received (or given) anal. I also don’t care which way you swing (or even if you swing) let alone if you decide to practice anal sex. I understand that it’s a taboo subject and that this, among a few select other topics, has the power to make some people very uncomfortable. This is why I am writing about it.
Why do people even have anal sex? Besides the obvious example (gay male-to-male sex), sometimes some people have difficulty understanding the joy of anal sex if they have never experienced it. The truth about anal sex is that there is no truth, everyone has his or her own reasons and not many of these are universal.
Firstly, Anal sex is (like I said) a taboo subject. And by being taboo, it is also forbidden. Some people find these forbiddances to be a really intense turn on, and who are we to judge anyone for their sexual desires?
Anal sex can also be thought of as a form of birth control. That being said, you can still get pregnant if a condom isn’t used. Semen is impervious to orifices and there have been many cases of “splash pregnancies.”
Furthermore, some women can’t have vaginal sex due to pain, birth defect, or other sort of phenotypical aberrations. In those cases, anal seems like a great alternative to vaginal sex. Some women even find that they can reach orgasm only through anal sex.
To start, when you and your partner decide to embark on the anal adventure, a few things need to be taken care of first. Here is my warning and precautions area of this piece:
1. PLEASE use a condom. The “pink” and the “stink” do not mix even remotely. Women, you will get many-an-infection, and men you can get very severe prostate infections or urinary tract infections.
2. Try experimenting with your own fingers and anus in the shower. You never know how your body will react to certain sensations, so you can’t expect a good experience without experimenting.
3. Implement some serious foreplay unless you expect some serious discomfort.
4. USE LOTS OF LUBE! Medical fact does not back up the statement that anal sex is damaging to the rectum as long as lots of Lube is used. More on that later.
5. Make sure everything goes slowly: push in slowly, pull out slowly. We were not built for our expelling organ to be used like a sex toy.
Before we can even talk about anal sex, we should probably talk about the anus and rectum. Firstly, it should be noted that if you are feeling pain during anal sex, then you are doing it WRONG. That’s right, you heard me. There is a difference between strange sensations and downright pain, and it is the receiver’s job to make sure that the pain they feel is pain and not the uneasiness that comes with a new bodily experience.
The interesting thing about the anus is that it was in no way built as a machine for romance. The walls of the vagina are very flexible and secrete fluids to help facilitate sex. In contrast, the walls of the anus are very rough, tight, and do not secrete any sort of fluid; In fact, the anus is more thirsty than anything (hence the effectiveness of suppositories and other anally-inserted medical drugs).
To make sure what you are feeling is good, you have to implement mind over matter. That’s right, you have to talk to your ass, literally. The anal sphincter has two types of muscles that control the opening and closing of the anus. One set of these muscles is unconsciously controlled while the other is controlled by your daily conscious thoughts. Though you can breathe and relax your conscious muscles, it’s the unconscious ones that may be a problem. To deal with those, you have to relax, trust your partner, and use lubricant! You can’t put too much pressure on yourself if you are the receiver, otherwise that second set will just not budge. If you are highly turned on and if you are with someone you trust (i.e. you are relaxed), then anal sex should only be a positive experience.
Some tricks to help relax the anal area include the receiver pushing down (as though trying to have a bowel movement) in an attempt to relax the anal muscles. Whoever said porn stars don’t have any real marketable talent and skills obviously didn't know the science behind our bodies. You try consciously relaxing an unconscious muscle to the point that anal fisting is found to be enjoyable. Note to the wise: before trying anal fisting, please see a doctor and ask if it’s all right for you. More likely than not, it isn’t a good idea since it is pretty dangerous for the inexperienced.
To follow the golden rule of practice makes perfect, finger penetration should be done before anal as a way of letting the receiver’s body expect what is to come. The anus curves toward the tailbone, so that’s the direction you should go with your finger. During regular vaginal sex, sometimes throwing a finger down the “Hershey highway” will only heighten the experience for BOTH partners. Before you try something new, however, make sure you and your partner are on the same road with what you want and what you are expecting. Not all surprises are good surprises.
Now that some of the basics have been covered, lets go a little more in depth (I am on a roll with these puns). Anal massage is the first step to having a successful anal intercourse experiment. There are couples that feel completely comfortable with anal massages but would not go the step further into any sort of insertion. To do anal massage, take one lubricated finger and massage the outside of the anal sphincter opening. The nerve receptors I mentioned earlier will do their job and receive those waves of pleasure.
Rectal dildos or butt plugs are another way to experience anal sex that goes beyond simple anal massaging. As a cleanliness issue, you should never use the same toy you use in your vagina in your anus. Like I said previously, pink and brown don’t mix and you do not want to get some funky infection. Butt plugs are unique because they are made to be inserted into the anus. They are cone shaped so that they can’t go much further into the rectum. If something ever gets lost in the rectum, do NOT go searching for it. In fact, searching is the OPPOSITE of what you should do. Protocol states bearing down (i.e. try to go to the bathroom) and if that fails, see a doctor.
Anal beads are (obviously) beads that are inserted into the anus. They are attached by a string and after being put into the anus, they can be pulled out (SLOWLY) to achieve a very string orgasm.
Make sure any toy (or anything you choose to inset into your rectum) is smooth and does not have any points. Points=pain. Remember or fare the consequences.
Another form of anal play is the ever-elusive rim job. When I asked my girlfriends what this was, they assumed it was another slang word for a blowjob. No my dears, this is not your typical job. A rim job is the “eating out” of the anus. That’s right, it involved mouth-to-butt action. If you decide to give a rim job, you will be kissing ass, literally. If you want to try this, please use a cut up condom over the anal area. It isn’t a good idea to try this though, as that is a nice and easy way to contract hepatitis or any other ass-growing fecal-loving infection. Just think about licking your own butt: tasty? Me thinks not.
When it’s time for actual anus-into-rectum activities, make sure to use lots of lubrication and wear a condom. If you are going from anal to vaginal, change the condom and wash your penis with soap and water. Toys (including dildos and strap-ons) should be THOROUGHLY cleansed before hole switching occurs, but I would recommend having a different set of toys for each opening of the body.
Don’t you think it’s fair that if a male partner gets to play around with inserting things into his female partner’s rectum, she should be able to return the favor? I think so whole-heartedly. There are many straight guys who say that receiving any sort of anal stimulation is considered gay. Do gay men have more pleasure sensors in their anus than straight men? I don’t think so!! And it’s because of this that men should be a little less inhibited about their usually inhibited anal region. There are specially curves prostate stimulating dildos that can be bought to help bring your man from just a normal orgasm to the oh-my-god-my-toes-curled-and-I’m-crying-out-in-pleasure type of experience.
SO in conclusion, use lots of lube, once it’s in don’t thrust (circular motions are best), don’t do anal while drunk or high (seeing as sloppiness will hurt more than the anal itself), and if it does hurt, stop, think about what’s wrong, and try again. Nothing is wrong with experimentation, but you want all experiments to be pleasant. Have any questions? Email me anonymously at tulanesex@gmail.com
Oh P.S.
I decided to do the dirty research on this topic after Andy (one of my best girl friends) sent me this:
Vulgar? Yes. Gross? Of course. Inspirational? You betcha!
Always,
Your Kinseyette
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