Here is an email I just got:
What about stupid, awkward boys? Can we talk about that? The ones that avoid you for absolutely no reason, even after you've leveled the playing field. ... they suck. I'm sorry I couldn't go home with you ONE night. ONE. But when I return the question and you've moved on, I call that even. No hard feelings. Stop being awkward. I DON’T CARE. Why do they think we care so much after it's obvious we're even? I kicked your ego. You kicked mine; let's go back to normalcy, PLEASE!
Children, it has finally come the time to talk about relationships. Yes, you heard me; we are going to delve into some of the more idiot moves of the men and women who are trying to find happiness together.
Girl, it seems to me like there are some serious misunderstandings going on right about now. You didn’t go home with this guy one night and now that awkward stage of what-the-fuck-are-we-friends-or-can-we-still-try-this-going-home-thing is occurring all around you.
Firstly, you are completely correct, his ego has been shit on. IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT! People need to learn to deal with rejection and bounce back from it, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. If we get hung up on every rejection we will never get anywhere. Look at you! You have bounced back. He is the one who is deflated on the floor.
Men, if a girl turns you down once, don’t assume that this means she is never going to want to go home with you or that she doesn’t want to spend that very night in your bed. I mean, don’t get me wrong, please don’t ask her over every night or stalk her at the palms, but you never know what is really going on in her life right now. There may be a complication or drama that you don’t even want to remotely get involved in and she is trying to spare you from it. All of this goes for you ladies as well. Both men and women need to think from the perspective of the other to help everyone understand what the fuck is going on.
So he moved on, you moved on, and things aren’t normal because…? It’s incredibly difficult sometimes for some people to deal with embarrassment. For me personally, it’s probably the hardest thing to get over. It seems from what you have told me that he either is playing a game with you or he has an issue with the embarrassment associated with rejection.
You got to think if he is going to take something that miniscule so seriously, then maybe he had some sort of feelings towards you. If that was the case, give him time and space to get over it. It is always way harder to deal with things when feelings are hurt.
And now on to the games we play. Games are old and outdated, yet we all feel the need to play them constantly. It was only a few short weeks ago that Dakota told me not to text a boy so that I can play one of these games with him. What did I end up doing? I called him. I walked back to my room and I called him. I made my own rules. Was she right? Well, as of right now this boy and me are in no way dating, but I don’t thank that has to do with my calling patterns.
Since the release of the book, film, and copycat publications of “He’s just not that into you,” women and men alike are realizing that games are becoming more and more painful and destructive. Yes, there is a time when being coy or keeping secrets is cute and adorable, but eventually you just have to admit you have a crush and let yourself either fall in love or get kicked in the ass and left on the curb. Either way you have an ANWER and the AWKWARDNESS that is a close cousin of SILENCE has no way of existing.
If he is playing a game with you, don’t play back. It is only a matter of time before he gets off his high horse and starts walking beside you again. You just have to let him know, in your own personal way, that you haven’t nor will you ever use anything against him. In other words, you have to have him realize that you really don’t care. How do you do this? Act normally around him. Send him a text, have him meet you for lunch somewhere. Talk about normal things and show him that there IS INFACT a friendship to salvage. If it’s worth it, it’s worth it.
If that doesn’t work, let him know somehow that everything really is okay. That normalcy can be achieved. My advice, in short, is talk. Communicate. You don’t ever have to bring up the rejection or the subsequent reversal of the table, you can start a new chapter right here, right now. Start a new book if you want, just start over.
Anything else let me know, and keep me updated.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Friday, March 13, 2009
A new email: Vaginismus
Here is an email I JUST received in my inbox:
Dear Kinseyette,
I have recently discovered your blog, and I find it very interesting to read. I do have an issue that if possible I would like you to address, however if you have previously addressed this in your blog I apologize; I have not read through all of your earlier postings, and if that is the case, could you please refer me to what date to look at? Thank you.
On to my question...I am 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend, "J," age 20, for a little over a year. We were both virgins until last summer when we had sex. Long story short, after not being able to have sex for literally ten seconds before I was in excruciating pain, lots of experimentation with various lubes and positions, and a visit to the gynecologist, I discovered that I have Vaginismus. I have been using the prescription cream Estrace for some time now, and we have gotten up to about 4 minutes of straight (albeit very slow, and very shallow) relatively pain-free sex, but we are obviously hoping to improve. Let me just say that J has been nothing but supportive and wonderful throughout this whole ordeal, so I definitely have his patience working in my favor. We have had the most luck in the missionary position, as in any "girl on top" position my vagina literally rejects his penis. Lubes tend to give me a burning sensation, so for now we are using Vaseline, which has been working pretty well. (We know not to use it with condoms, and I am on the Pill, and neither of us has even come close to orgasm during sexual intercourse.) My doctor also recommended that I be fully relaxed and stimulated before we begin intercourse, which we have been very faithful at doing. Although we have definitely come a long way from where we started, our progress is still incredibly slow and I have never had an intercourse experience without any pain. I was hoping you could recommend some techniques for us to help us have sex like normal people? One more thing, my doctor did also suggest using dilators, however this option does not appeal to me in the least. Any help you could give me would be much appreciated.
Thank you, and happy writing.
Sincerely,
Your reader
So, reader, I am very very glad you wrote in today. I really appreciate you taking the time to write this, and I am more than fully prepared to answer all of your questions.
Firstly, for all of you who don’t know what she is talking about, Vaginismus is a condition in which there is a tightening of the entry of the vagina. This can indeed make intercourse painful and in some cases completely impossible. There are many causes and many treatments for this condition, and it seems like you have done all the research physically possible at the time being. It must feel very lonely and confusing right now, but I am glad you have organized some options.
You stated that you didn’t want to use dilators. I don’t blame you! Sticking something ELSE up there just isn’t a very pleasant thought, no matter what the situation is.
Before I even begin, I just want to say something to all of the women who are currently experiencing vaginal pain during intercourse. No matter how much you want, love, or need the man you are with, do not EVER think that it is a good idea to grit and bear the pain in an attempt to get him off. You can cause permanent damage or make your condition worse. With that in mind, you should know the basics.
Firstly, I just want to go over some of the causes of Vaginismus. There is a whole group of sex scientists and therapists who believe that this condition may indeed stem from an original issue. This issue can either be a traumatic experience, previous pain during intercourse, or even a bad body image. Our bodies sometimes do things that we think are accidental or awkward, but in reality there is usually a reason behind the wreaking of havoc.
Sit down one day and think if this may be your issue as well. I know you said you were a virgin before you and your boyfriend decided to try intercourse, so your problem is probably not a previous traumatic sexual experience. Because of this, you should just think about how you (I know this may sound strange, but follow me) think about your vulva and vagina. If you don’t know what you think about it, I am going to prescribe to you a little experiment that is sure to open your eyes a bit.
Sit in front of a mirror or grab a hand-held compact. Oh yes dear, you heard me! I really want you to get down and dirty with yo bad self. I want you to look at your vulva and vagina, and see what it looks like. Put a little lubricant on your finger and gently massage the opening of your vagina. If your body allows it, try inserting one finger, two, and so on until you are gently (and slowly) slipping at least one finger in easily. Your body should react less to your own touch as it does to the touch of your boyfriend. If you can do this on a REGULAR (yes, regular) basis, you will be FAR better off when it comes to the main event with your main man.
Until you can do this to yourself and do it to the point that it is pleasurable instead of painful, you should call off sex for a few weeks. I have some other ideas of things you can try in the meantime, however!
If you want to get some bump and grind contact without the bump, try the grind! That’s right; make your vulva the bun to his hotdog. Get on top, lubricate the shaft of his penis and the inside of your labia and vulva, and grind yourself up and down his erection. Chances are one or both of you will get off and there will be no pain associated with insertion. For your own personal information and research, this form of getting off is called femoral intercourse.
If you can learn to achieve orgasm by using femoral intercourse, then only good things can happen. As soon as this act becomes natural, your vagina will eventually teach itself to relax and sooner than you think actual vaginal intercourse will be possible.
You said in your question that you and your boyfriend have been practicing foreplay techniques religiously. This is SO good to hear, as this can be the biggest issue and cause of vaginal pain during intercourse. Since you didn’t go into detail on your techniques (and I don’t blame you!) I am going to shoot you some myself.
You should have your boyfriend use the Vaseline you have been using (I am glad something is working okay for you) and to use it to massage your vaginal opening much like how you should be practicing doing it to yourself. After the massage becomes successful and pleasurable, allow him to insert one finger up to the first knuckle and gently swirl his digit inside of you. This gently movement is incredibly sexy and further teaches your vagina to relax.
Most of your problems are probably related to your need of relaxation. Try a breathing tape or take a nap before the act, anything that can help you take a deep breath. If bathtubs are your thing, try this with some lavender in your tub with your boy. The water will feel great on your bits, and he will have a whole tub of natural lubricant to work with.
Another option is to buy three dildos. In a book I am currently reading, they offer up the website Touchofawoman.com to provide for these dildos. By starting out small and working your way up (over the course of a few weeks), you will be, again, training your vagina to accept the penis instead of rejecting it.
After you feel good with the dildo, try using the real thing. Use the same process of assimilation and have your partner only put a little bit in at a time until his whole shaft is in. This needs to be done often and over the course of more than just a few days. You may have tried this already, but you should try is again and over a longer period of time. Vaginal training isn’t as easy as dog training. What can I say? Pussies are way more temperamental!
One of the top experts in vaginal sex discomfort has suggested using fresh olive oil as a healthy and natural form of lubrication. Try it and see if it works. You can warm the oil between your hands and let the sensation sizzle.
You want to try to be on top? The issue with this is that you are putting a lot of pressure on your vaginal canal whereas during missionary your partner can control the speed and depth of insertion. If you want to try this on top, please do! Try putting just the tip in and moving your hips around with him inside of you. Try anything to help reveal the pressure.
Most importantly, do not forget to breathe. Be more confident! Do not be discouraged. Even if you think that you are being as confidant as you can be, there is always one more step to try to reach.
You are beautiful, you are wonderful, and there is absolutely nothing strange about your condition. Modern statistics say that about 20% of sexually active women experience Vaginismus. There is no easy cure and it may take more work than either you or your partner is willing to do, but it is worth it always.
Since I do not know your personal experience more thoroughly, I have found some really important websites I want you to visit. This one, at http://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-treatment, has a 10-step program for treating your Vaginismus. The treatment includes understanding Vaginismus and its own personal cause inside of you. It also incorporates all of the assimilation techniques and vaginal training ideas I have already shared with you. It is helpful and more personalized and I hope it can help with you.
If you need anything else please let me know, and keep us updated on your progress!
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Dear Kinseyette,
I have recently discovered your blog, and I find it very interesting to read. I do have an issue that if possible I would like you to address, however if you have previously addressed this in your blog I apologize; I have not read through all of your earlier postings, and if that is the case, could you please refer me to what date to look at? Thank you.
On to my question...I am 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend, "J," age 20, for a little over a year. We were both virgins until last summer when we had sex. Long story short, after not being able to have sex for literally ten seconds before I was in excruciating pain, lots of experimentation with various lubes and positions, and a visit to the gynecologist, I discovered that I have Vaginismus. I have been using the prescription cream Estrace for some time now, and we have gotten up to about 4 minutes of straight (albeit very slow, and very shallow) relatively pain-free sex, but we are obviously hoping to improve. Let me just say that J has been nothing but supportive and wonderful throughout this whole ordeal, so I definitely have his patience working in my favor. We have had the most luck in the missionary position, as in any "girl on top" position my vagina literally rejects his penis. Lubes tend to give me a burning sensation, so for now we are using Vaseline, which has been working pretty well. (We know not to use it with condoms, and I am on the Pill, and neither of us has even come close to orgasm during sexual intercourse.) My doctor also recommended that I be fully relaxed and stimulated before we begin intercourse, which we have been very faithful at doing. Although we have definitely come a long way from where we started, our progress is still incredibly slow and I have never had an intercourse experience without any pain. I was hoping you could recommend some techniques for us to help us have sex like normal people? One more thing, my doctor did also suggest using dilators, however this option does not appeal to me in the least. Any help you could give me would be much appreciated.
Thank you, and happy writing.
Sincerely,
Your reader
So, reader, I am very very glad you wrote in today. I really appreciate you taking the time to write this, and I am more than fully prepared to answer all of your questions.
Firstly, for all of you who don’t know what she is talking about, Vaginismus is a condition in which there is a tightening of the entry of the vagina. This can indeed make intercourse painful and in some cases completely impossible. There are many causes and many treatments for this condition, and it seems like you have done all the research physically possible at the time being. It must feel very lonely and confusing right now, but I am glad you have organized some options.
You stated that you didn’t want to use dilators. I don’t blame you! Sticking something ELSE up there just isn’t a very pleasant thought, no matter what the situation is.
Before I even begin, I just want to say something to all of the women who are currently experiencing vaginal pain during intercourse. No matter how much you want, love, or need the man you are with, do not EVER think that it is a good idea to grit and bear the pain in an attempt to get him off. You can cause permanent damage or make your condition worse. With that in mind, you should know the basics.
Firstly, I just want to go over some of the causes of Vaginismus. There is a whole group of sex scientists and therapists who believe that this condition may indeed stem from an original issue. This issue can either be a traumatic experience, previous pain during intercourse, or even a bad body image. Our bodies sometimes do things that we think are accidental or awkward, but in reality there is usually a reason behind the wreaking of havoc.
Sit down one day and think if this may be your issue as well. I know you said you were a virgin before you and your boyfriend decided to try intercourse, so your problem is probably not a previous traumatic sexual experience. Because of this, you should just think about how you (I know this may sound strange, but follow me) think about your vulva and vagina. If you don’t know what you think about it, I am going to prescribe to you a little experiment that is sure to open your eyes a bit.
Sit in front of a mirror or grab a hand-held compact. Oh yes dear, you heard me! I really want you to get down and dirty with yo bad self. I want you to look at your vulva and vagina, and see what it looks like. Put a little lubricant on your finger and gently massage the opening of your vagina. If your body allows it, try inserting one finger, two, and so on until you are gently (and slowly) slipping at least one finger in easily. Your body should react less to your own touch as it does to the touch of your boyfriend. If you can do this on a REGULAR (yes, regular) basis, you will be FAR better off when it comes to the main event with your main man.
Until you can do this to yourself and do it to the point that it is pleasurable instead of painful, you should call off sex for a few weeks. I have some other ideas of things you can try in the meantime, however!
If you want to get some bump and grind contact without the bump, try the grind! That’s right; make your vulva the bun to his hotdog. Get on top, lubricate the shaft of his penis and the inside of your labia and vulva, and grind yourself up and down his erection. Chances are one or both of you will get off and there will be no pain associated with insertion. For your own personal information and research, this form of getting off is called femoral intercourse.
If you can learn to achieve orgasm by using femoral intercourse, then only good things can happen. As soon as this act becomes natural, your vagina will eventually teach itself to relax and sooner than you think actual vaginal intercourse will be possible.
You said in your question that you and your boyfriend have been practicing foreplay techniques religiously. This is SO good to hear, as this can be the biggest issue and cause of vaginal pain during intercourse. Since you didn’t go into detail on your techniques (and I don’t blame you!) I am going to shoot you some myself.
You should have your boyfriend use the Vaseline you have been using (I am glad something is working okay for you) and to use it to massage your vaginal opening much like how you should be practicing doing it to yourself. After the massage becomes successful and pleasurable, allow him to insert one finger up to the first knuckle and gently swirl his digit inside of you. This gently movement is incredibly sexy and further teaches your vagina to relax.
Most of your problems are probably related to your need of relaxation. Try a breathing tape or take a nap before the act, anything that can help you take a deep breath. If bathtubs are your thing, try this with some lavender in your tub with your boy. The water will feel great on your bits, and he will have a whole tub of natural lubricant to work with.
Another option is to buy three dildos. In a book I am currently reading, they offer up the website Touchofawoman.com to provide for these dildos. By starting out small and working your way up (over the course of a few weeks), you will be, again, training your vagina to accept the penis instead of rejecting it.
After you feel good with the dildo, try using the real thing. Use the same process of assimilation and have your partner only put a little bit in at a time until his whole shaft is in. This needs to be done often and over the course of more than just a few days. You may have tried this already, but you should try is again and over a longer period of time. Vaginal training isn’t as easy as dog training. What can I say? Pussies are way more temperamental!
One of the top experts in vaginal sex discomfort has suggested using fresh olive oil as a healthy and natural form of lubrication. Try it and see if it works. You can warm the oil between your hands and let the sensation sizzle.
You want to try to be on top? The issue with this is that you are putting a lot of pressure on your vaginal canal whereas during missionary your partner can control the speed and depth of insertion. If you want to try this on top, please do! Try putting just the tip in and moving your hips around with him inside of you. Try anything to help reveal the pressure.
Most importantly, do not forget to breathe. Be more confident! Do not be discouraged. Even if you think that you are being as confidant as you can be, there is always one more step to try to reach.
You are beautiful, you are wonderful, and there is absolutely nothing strange about your condition. Modern statistics say that about 20% of sexually active women experience Vaginismus. There is no easy cure and it may take more work than either you or your partner is willing to do, but it is worth it always.
Since I do not know your personal experience more thoroughly, I have found some really important websites I want you to visit. This one, at http://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-treatment, has a 10-step program for treating your Vaginismus. The treatment includes understanding Vaginismus and its own personal cause inside of you. It also incorporates all of the assimilation techniques and vaginal training ideas I have already shared with you. It is helpful and more personalized and I hope it can help with you.
If you need anything else please let me know, and keep us updated on your progress!
Always,
Your Kinseyette
even MORE about bedazzlement
Since Carrie had written me about her new special piercing, I figured that it would be a good time to educate all of you readers about female genital piercing, including the reasoning behind them, styles, and the pain or pleasure associated with them.
Firstly, women and men can get genital piercing. For right now I am only going to be talking about vulva, clitoris, labia, and other sorts of lady piercings. Penis, scrotum, and guiche piercings are a whole different topic for a completely different day.
So many of you reading may be asking yourself right now, what would posses a girl to go and get her secret spot exposed and then harpooned. Though each girl’s reason getting a piercing is personal, in general the most common responses are that it makes their bits sparkly (i.e. more attractive) and that it greatly increases sexual pleasure. Moreover, many women report that genital piercings give them a particularly strong sense of pride in their vulvas, a sort of ownership that had never previously been experienced.
Before I can even talk about the reasons behind female genital piercings I should probably tell you about the different types of these experiences. Each area of interest has its own personality and side effects, therefore one should thoroughly study ALL types before a decision on locale can be decided.
One big factor in choosing which genital piercing you can get is your own personal anatomy. For some women, their vulvas just don’t have skin where skin needs to be, or anatomically a certain piercing will just be plain unattractive. After earning about the different types of piercings, you should go to a PROFESSIONAL piercer and ask him or her to check out your bits. They can then tell you which piercings you're built for and then you can make a well-informed decision, taking all precautions and prerequisites into mind.
Ok, so now onto the piercings. Firstly, I should tell you that when most people talk about “clit” piercings, they are more likely than not talking about clitoral hood piercings. The clitoral hood is the small (but in some women quite large) bit of skin that sits on top of the clitoris, protecting it from outside intruders and making it so that its owner isn’t constantly stimulated (an evolutionary anatomical mistake, if you ask MY opinion). There are several different types of clitoral hood (CH) piercings, and each is chosen by what the owner wants, aesthetics, and of course, anatomy.
The most anatomically fitting, stimulating, and fast-healing genital piercing there is the Vertical Clitoral hood piercing (VCH). This is the piercing Carrie got, and there is no wonder this is the one she decided to get. The VCH runs vertically (hence V) through the clitoral hood (and the CH). There is a picture of it at the bottom of Carrie’s post if you need some help understanding the directions.
Horizontal clitoral hood piercings are placed horizontally through the hood (so there are TWO holes made through the hood) and are more specific to anatomy. It is hard for some people to have enough clitoral hood skin to receive the horizontal hood piercing. This piercing also has less to do with clitoral stimulation as it does with appearance and vanity. In other words, you get a vertical hood for the pleasure, and the horizontal for the looks.
The Christina piercing is a surface piercing that does not exist to supply any sort of pleasure. This piercing is located on the mons pubis and usually consists of a barbell.
The Isabella piercing is a very long piercing that starts from the top of the vulva through under the clitoral hood. It is for those who enjoy the appearance of the Christina but who enjoy the clitoral stimulation of the VCH piercing. But like I said, this is a very very long piercing and is seriously painful, since you are going through a lot (and I mean a lot) of skin. You should really think before getting this, but if it is what you want, you should absolutely go for it.
Then there is the princess Albertina. This piercing is not only dangerous, it is damaging. Please don’t get this, even if you are hell bent. Any piercing that goes through the urethra is not only hard to heal but it can cause damage to your urine stream. Just think long and hard, and don’t make this decision based on friends or a movie you saw.
Lastly, there is the clitoris. An actual clitoral piercing is not only rare, but it can be dangerous. There is a chance or loosing all sensation when you get this piercing, and let me tell you, sometimes that just aint worth it! The upside? If the piercing is successful the rewards are incredibly stimulating. You should only get this done by a very VERY professional peircer (as with all piercings) and you can only get it if you have enough clitoral gland to actually pierce.
So now that you know all the dirt on jewels, I hope you can make a more informed decision on your own personal pleasure spot piercings!
Have fun ☺
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Firstly, women and men can get genital piercing. For right now I am only going to be talking about vulva, clitoris, labia, and other sorts of lady piercings. Penis, scrotum, and guiche piercings are a whole different topic for a completely different day.
So many of you reading may be asking yourself right now, what would posses a girl to go and get her secret spot exposed and then harpooned. Though each girl’s reason getting a piercing is personal, in general the most common responses are that it makes their bits sparkly (i.e. more attractive) and that it greatly increases sexual pleasure. Moreover, many women report that genital piercings give them a particularly strong sense of pride in their vulvas, a sort of ownership that had never previously been experienced.
Before I can even talk about the reasons behind female genital piercings I should probably tell you about the different types of these experiences. Each area of interest has its own personality and side effects, therefore one should thoroughly study ALL types before a decision on locale can be decided.
One big factor in choosing which genital piercing you can get is your own personal anatomy. For some women, their vulvas just don’t have skin where skin needs to be, or anatomically a certain piercing will just be plain unattractive. After earning about the different types of piercings, you should go to a PROFESSIONAL piercer and ask him or her to check out your bits. They can then tell you which piercings you're built for and then you can make a well-informed decision, taking all precautions and prerequisites into mind.
Ok, so now onto the piercings. Firstly, I should tell you that when most people talk about “clit” piercings, they are more likely than not talking about clitoral hood piercings. The clitoral hood is the small (but in some women quite large) bit of skin that sits on top of the clitoris, protecting it from outside intruders and making it so that its owner isn’t constantly stimulated (an evolutionary anatomical mistake, if you ask MY opinion). There are several different types of clitoral hood (CH) piercings, and each is chosen by what the owner wants, aesthetics, and of course, anatomy.
The most anatomically fitting, stimulating, and fast-healing genital piercing there is the Vertical Clitoral hood piercing (VCH). This is the piercing Carrie got, and there is no wonder this is the one she decided to get. The VCH runs vertically (hence V) through the clitoral hood (and the CH). There is a picture of it at the bottom of Carrie’s post if you need some help understanding the directions.
Horizontal clitoral hood piercings are placed horizontally through the hood (so there are TWO holes made through the hood) and are more specific to anatomy. It is hard for some people to have enough clitoral hood skin to receive the horizontal hood piercing. This piercing also has less to do with clitoral stimulation as it does with appearance and vanity. In other words, you get a vertical hood for the pleasure, and the horizontal for the looks.
The Christina piercing is a surface piercing that does not exist to supply any sort of pleasure. This piercing is located on the mons pubis and usually consists of a barbell.
The Isabella piercing is a very long piercing that starts from the top of the vulva through under the clitoral hood. It is for those who enjoy the appearance of the Christina but who enjoy the clitoral stimulation of the VCH piercing. But like I said, this is a very very long piercing and is seriously painful, since you are going through a lot (and I mean a lot) of skin. You should really think before getting this, but if it is what you want, you should absolutely go for it.
Then there is the princess Albertina. This piercing is not only dangerous, it is damaging. Please don’t get this, even if you are hell bent. Any piercing that goes through the urethra is not only hard to heal but it can cause damage to your urine stream. Just think long and hard, and don’t make this decision based on friends or a movie you saw.
Lastly, there is the clitoris. An actual clitoral piercing is not only rare, but it can be dangerous. There is a chance or loosing all sensation when you get this piercing, and let me tell you, sometimes that just aint worth it! The upside? If the piercing is successful the rewards are incredibly stimulating. You should only get this done by a very VERY professional peircer (as with all piercings) and you can only get it if you have enough clitoral gland to actually pierce.
So now that you know all the dirt on jewels, I hope you can make a more informed decision on your own personal pleasure spot piercings!
Have fun ☺
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Saturday, March 7, 2009
To those who question...
I’ve been getting a lot of criticism recently about the way I talk about sex here in this column. People have said that I should base my writings less on the physicality of sex and more on the feelings associated with the act of “making love.” Others have said that I am talking about things publicly that should be reserved for the bedroom or for late night conversations with girlfriends and Cosmo magazine.
When it comes to the emotions behind sex, I am neither an expert nor will I even try to understand the vast range of feelings that are associated with the act of copulation. When it comes to sex some people feel nothing. They have sex with whomever whenever and never think twice about it. For others, sex is less about the physical and more about the fact that for those few fleeting moments two people are becoming ONE. For those few moments, there is no denying that you are not alone.
I can’t even start talking about emotions because they are ambiguous, strange, strong, and no amount of science or research can give me enough data to make valid and general conclusions.
Conversely, the physical is easy. You stab someone with a knife and statistically that person is going to feel pain. You suck on the clitoral hood of a woman and statistically she is going to feel pleasure. I grace a man’s nipples and he gets hard: there, evidence, he is turned on, that felt GOOD. The physical can be studied, and with those studies data can be accumulated. The same cannot be said for feelings. I cannot tell you to experiment with feelings, but experimenting with the scrotum? Now THAT is easy to prescribe.
To the argument that these words I write (sex, cum, head, penis, perineum, etc) are vulgar and gross, I say to you get over it. For too long women and men have had to keep their sexual selves a secret. They have had to hide their relationships with their vaginas and penises and have had to learn the hard way that their bodies work.
There are children who get pregnant and do not know how it physically happened. There are women who go their ENTIRE LIVES without experiencing an orgasm just because they never had the nerve or the strength to ask for some advice. There are boys who wake up soaked in semen and feel so ashamed that they try not to sleep at night to prevent it from happening again.
I speak for the people who want to know but who are too afraid to ask. I speak for the people who write me the emails, who stop me on McAlister and whisper a question into my ear.
Women get raped and feel like they can never pleasure a man or be pleasured themselves ever again. After they deal with the trauma of being raped, they don’t know where to start again. They need a spark, a reminder that just because they were violated they aren’t dead sexually. They will feel sexual pleasure again; they just need to learn how.
If you want a reason as to why I write what I write, go see the Tulane University’s production of the Vagina Monologues this weekend. The show is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at 7 pm in Freeman Auditorium. Go see it and you will understand why I cannot stop writing about vaginas. You will understand why owning your sexuality is just as important as wearing clothes that fit you right.
SO here I am, without a column in the newspaper and without anywhere to help people. So if you get this, deep down, find some questions, and email me at xxxxnoochxxxx@mac.com. I promise you that I will be there for you when no one else is, when you feel like you are strange, alone, or lost. I will help you find what you are looking for and I will answer those questions that you just can’t even begin to face. Trust me, okay? I will NEVER steer you wrong. Ever.
When it comes to the emotions behind sex, I am neither an expert nor will I even try to understand the vast range of feelings that are associated with the act of copulation. When it comes to sex some people feel nothing. They have sex with whomever whenever and never think twice about it. For others, sex is less about the physical and more about the fact that for those few fleeting moments two people are becoming ONE. For those few moments, there is no denying that you are not alone.
I can’t even start talking about emotions because they are ambiguous, strange, strong, and no amount of science or research can give me enough data to make valid and general conclusions.
Conversely, the physical is easy. You stab someone with a knife and statistically that person is going to feel pain. You suck on the clitoral hood of a woman and statistically she is going to feel pleasure. I grace a man’s nipples and he gets hard: there, evidence, he is turned on, that felt GOOD. The physical can be studied, and with those studies data can be accumulated. The same cannot be said for feelings. I cannot tell you to experiment with feelings, but experimenting with the scrotum? Now THAT is easy to prescribe.
To the argument that these words I write (sex, cum, head, penis, perineum, etc) are vulgar and gross, I say to you get over it. For too long women and men have had to keep their sexual selves a secret. They have had to hide their relationships with their vaginas and penises and have had to learn the hard way that their bodies work.
There are children who get pregnant and do not know how it physically happened. There are women who go their ENTIRE LIVES without experiencing an orgasm just because they never had the nerve or the strength to ask for some advice. There are boys who wake up soaked in semen and feel so ashamed that they try not to sleep at night to prevent it from happening again.
I speak for the people who want to know but who are too afraid to ask. I speak for the people who write me the emails, who stop me on McAlister and whisper a question into my ear.
Women get raped and feel like they can never pleasure a man or be pleasured themselves ever again. After they deal with the trauma of being raped, they don’t know where to start again. They need a spark, a reminder that just because they were violated they aren’t dead sexually. They will feel sexual pleasure again; they just need to learn how.
If you want a reason as to why I write what I write, go see the Tulane University’s production of the Vagina Monologues this weekend. The show is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at 7 pm in Freeman Auditorium. Go see it and you will understand why I cannot stop writing about vaginas. You will understand why owning your sexuality is just as important as wearing clothes that fit you right.
SO here I am, without a column in the newspaper and without anywhere to help people. So if you get this, deep down, find some questions, and email me at xxxxnoochxxxx@mac.com. I promise you that I will be there for you when no one else is, when you feel like you are strange, alone, or lost. I will help you find what you are looking for and I will answer those questions that you just can’t even begin to face. Trust me, okay? I will NEVER steer you wrong. Ever.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Americans are prudes
Just check out this german CHILDREN'S book explaining the birds and the bees. Pretty simple, pretty easy, and hey, now we know where babies come from.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
My Hoo-hah is bedazzled!
So this is an email I got from my girlfriend Carrie today:
Hey girl, just wanted you to know about something I JUST did, I figured you could post it on your blog and share it with the worllllddd!
So, I just got a piercing. Down THERE. That’s right girl, I just got my clitoral hood pierced! In actuality I got a vertical hood piercing, but I’m sure you’ll update your readers on what THAT means. I figured I’d share my experience with you to share with everyone else who is thinking about getting this done.
It all happened when I finally decided to get a piercing that only I would know about. I wanting something sexy and secret that would be my secret (even though I KNEW I would be telling all of my girlfriends as soon as I got back to campus). I did a lot of research and decided that the vertical hood piercing would be the best for me. After I knew what I wanted, I knew I needed to find who would do it for me. I wanted a professional, as that area is an area that I don’t really want anyone messing with. Through word of mouth (AKA one of my best friends Reggie who had hers done as well) that NOLA tattoo had a great piercer who did great work. I took her word, and I am so glad I did.
I didn’t need to make an appointment; I just had to show up. I finished my science lab and made my way to catch the streetcar to get to Nola Tattoo. Right when I left my lab I ran into Sydney. I begged her to go with me because I realized that doing it alone might be very, very difficult. She, being the good friend she is, agreed immediately, even after I told her why I wanted to go (for a piercing) and where I was wanting said piercing.
On the streetcar I was getting a little more nervous, but It wasn’t that bad. Finaly we made it to the parlor and I was totally ready to get started. Walt was so cool, understanding, and professional. I signed the needed releases, he helped me pick out the jewelry, and we got all ready to go. I decided on the normal silver barbell, since I didn’t want my hoo-hah looking like a Christmas tree quite yet.
It was time to go in the back room, take off my pants, and get the show on the road. It was a little strange sitting bare-assed on the piercing table with my legs spread, but I’ve been to the gynecologist before so it wasn’t that much different.
Walt and Sydney were both talking me through it, with Walt telling me everything he was doing every step of the way while Sydney was talking about random current events to help me get my mind off what was going to happen. Surprisingly I wasn’t feeling any butterflies or nerves in my stomach, but I was breathing in and out pretty heavily.
Walt cleaned the area, got the jewelry and needle ready, and told me to relax. I was squeezing Lila’s hand like NUTS and this point, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before I felt some intense pain. He told me it only lasted a minute and that he had to put the receiving tube under my clitoral hood to get the needle. This was a bit uncomfortable, as I had never had anything put under my clitoral hood. He then told me he was going to line up the needle and that I’d feel a pinch. I was so tensed I just wanted him to do it right then.
Before I could tell him to just do it, he did it. I immediately cried out, yelling something about Jesus, Mary, and the ever important but sometimes forgotten Joseph. The truth? It hurt like hell, but only for a few seconds. Soon enough he was putting the jewelry in and I was putting my underwear on. It looked adorable from what I could see, and I was very happy that I had gone through with it.
So in short, it hurt badly for a few seconds, then it was totally chill. And let me tell you, walking upstairs is so much more fun.
Hey girl, just wanted you to know about something I JUST did, I figured you could post it on your blog and share it with the worllllddd!
So, I just got a piercing. Down THERE. That’s right girl, I just got my clitoral hood pierced! In actuality I got a vertical hood piercing, but I’m sure you’ll update your readers on what THAT means. I figured I’d share my experience with you to share with everyone else who is thinking about getting this done.
It all happened when I finally decided to get a piercing that only I would know about. I wanting something sexy and secret that would be my secret (even though I KNEW I would be telling all of my girlfriends as soon as I got back to campus). I did a lot of research and decided that the vertical hood piercing would be the best for me. After I knew what I wanted, I knew I needed to find who would do it for me. I wanted a professional, as that area is an area that I don’t really want anyone messing with. Through word of mouth (AKA one of my best friends Reggie who had hers done as well) that NOLA tattoo had a great piercer who did great work. I took her word, and I am so glad I did.
I didn’t need to make an appointment; I just had to show up. I finished my science lab and made my way to catch the streetcar to get to Nola Tattoo. Right when I left my lab I ran into Sydney. I begged her to go with me because I realized that doing it alone might be very, very difficult. She, being the good friend she is, agreed immediately, even after I told her why I wanted to go (for a piercing) and where I was wanting said piercing.
On the streetcar I was getting a little more nervous, but It wasn’t that bad. Finaly we made it to the parlor and I was totally ready to get started. Walt was so cool, understanding, and professional. I signed the needed releases, he helped me pick out the jewelry, and we got all ready to go. I decided on the normal silver barbell, since I didn’t want my hoo-hah looking like a Christmas tree quite yet.
It was time to go in the back room, take off my pants, and get the show on the road. It was a little strange sitting bare-assed on the piercing table with my legs spread, but I’ve been to the gynecologist before so it wasn’t that much different.
Walt and Sydney were both talking me through it, with Walt telling me everything he was doing every step of the way while Sydney was talking about random current events to help me get my mind off what was going to happen. Surprisingly I wasn’t feeling any butterflies or nerves in my stomach, but I was breathing in and out pretty heavily.
Walt cleaned the area, got the jewelry and needle ready, and told me to relax. I was squeezing Lila’s hand like NUTS and this point, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before I felt some intense pain. He told me it only lasted a minute and that he had to put the receiving tube under my clitoral hood to get the needle. This was a bit uncomfortable, as I had never had anything put under my clitoral hood. He then told me he was going to line up the needle and that I’d feel a pinch. I was so tensed I just wanted him to do it right then.
Before I could tell him to just do it, he did it. I immediately cried out, yelling something about Jesus, Mary, and the ever important but sometimes forgotten Joseph. The truth? It hurt like hell, but only for a few seconds. Soon enough he was putting the jewelry in and I was putting my underwear on. It looked adorable from what I could see, and I was very happy that I had gone through with it.
So in short, it hurt badly for a few seconds, then it was totally chill. And let me tell you, walking upstairs is so much more fun.
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