Tuesday, January 27, 2009
An email from Chelsea
Hey Kinseyette,
Is it ok to have sex with someone if I only have kissed them? I don't know how long I should wait to have sex with him. I have known him for a year, so it is not like we just met and we have had a flirtation for a year. How long should I wait, or is it even smart to have sex with a friend?
Ps This is for my roomie who is too nervous to write you an email, I love you have fun
SO dear roommate of my dear chelsea... The funny thing about sex is that it is so personal that only YOU can decide when it's appropriate. This is funny because almost everyone thinks sex lives are all made equal and therefor all advice is equally distributable.
When other people get involved, you'll do things for THEM and not for yourself. So take a breath, think for a second, and do what feels right. DONT make the decision to have sex with him amidst a heavy make-out session. Even a mormon could give it up if the hormones are just right. Do your calculus homework or something equally as non-sexual and then think about the pros and cons. Don't think too much, however, because over-thinking is another pitfall.
It's a balance miss, and you just gotta feel whats right. The best part about feelings is that they are never wrong, so you can never regret whichever decision you choose.
Another issue is having sex with a friend. That is a bit trickier than just thinking about the pros and cons since you guys already have a relationship and there's something to be lost. I am a huge fan of talking about a situation, but guys usually aren't into the easy route. So what you should do is feel things out, take the time and hang out. if everytime you hang out you make-out, then there's probably more to this "ship" than just a "friend."
HAVE FUN and don't put to much drama into it. Who knows, maybe the sex will be incredible.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Is it ok to have sex with someone if I only have kissed them? I don't know how long I should wait to have sex with him. I have known him for a year, so it is not like we just met and we have had a flirtation for a year. How long should I wait, or is it even smart to have sex with a friend?
Ps This is for my roomie who is too nervous to write you an email, I love you have fun
SO dear roommate of my dear chelsea... The funny thing about sex is that it is so personal that only YOU can decide when it's appropriate. This is funny because almost everyone thinks sex lives are all made equal and therefor all advice is equally distributable.
When other people get involved, you'll do things for THEM and not for yourself. So take a breath, think for a second, and do what feels right. DONT make the decision to have sex with him amidst a heavy make-out session. Even a mormon could give it up if the hormones are just right. Do your calculus homework or something equally as non-sexual and then think about the pros and cons. Don't think too much, however, because over-thinking is another pitfall.
It's a balance miss, and you just gotta feel whats right. The best part about feelings is that they are never wrong, so you can never regret whichever decision you choose.
Another issue is having sex with a friend. That is a bit trickier than just thinking about the pros and cons since you guys already have a relationship and there's something to be lost. I am a huge fan of talking about a situation, but guys usually aren't into the easy route. So what you should do is feel things out, take the time and hang out. if everytime you hang out you make-out, then there's probably more to this "ship" than just a "friend."
HAVE FUN and don't put to much drama into it. Who knows, maybe the sex will be incredible.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Sandi likes it hot
So Sandi, as promised, has decided to update me on some sexcellent events going on with her. Here's the email I got, and I read it with only a slight (aka HUGE) amount of jealousy.
First, friday night I went to this frat and we were just all hanging out, drinking, you know the usual. I was making eyes with this one kid so we decided to go downstairs and do some dirty dancing lol. Next thing I knew we were making out, whatever whatever. We went up to his room at 1:00 and started hooking up. The next time I looked at the clock it was 5:48. I was shocked by the time, but more shocked that HE HAD BEEN EATING ME OUT THE ENTIRE TIME! Not once did I even touch his dick! Time after time he continued to go down on me. I would cum (and made it very obvious), then he would come up, we'd kiss for 2 minutes and then he would go back down. As it got later and later I began to feel exhausted from cuming so much. Literally I must have came at least 8 times!!! I couldn't understand why he didn't even give me a chance to reciprocate the favor. In essence, HE WENT DOWN ON MY FOR FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT!! It was the most amazing five hours of my life. I was so enthralled by his eagerness to please me... yet I couldn't understand why he didn't want anything in return. I later found out that supposedly he has a really hard time getting it up when he's drunk. Is this common for guys? Why does it happen? Does the alcohol effect the bloodflow to the penis?
Alright alright, let's get down to business (if you can pardon the pun). So yay for getting 5 hours of the oral. Most guys and girls who just meet have a tough time getting to that point, either because the girl is afraid of exposing herself or the guy has no idea what to do down there. I'm glad you are both comfortable with your body and that he (obviously) knew what the hell he was doing. Again, the slight ( aka HUGE) amount of jealousy is trying to expose itself.
So on to the whole not-being-able-to-keep-it-up thing... It's called whisky dick, and is WAY more common than we think. Many-a-times when things get hot and alcohol is involved, the make brain cant overcome his BAC. When this happens, don't get embarrassed, it's nature nothing more. Ladies, don't get offended or think he isn't attracted. Men in this situation are incredibly turned on, but the booze just affects their boners. So, if this happens, do what this guy did. Offer to pleasure your partner and in turn you will get pleasure from pleasuring. Oh yeah, I just used the word "pleasure" three times in one sentence. That takes a skill more unique than being able to deep throat, let me tell you.
So in short, if the limp dick is offered and booze have been involved, don't take it personally. Men, don't be embarrassed, just ask for her number and say you'll call her soon. Try again a little (or a lot) more sober, and let the sparks fly then.
In the mean time, enjoy the head :-)
always,
Your Kinseyette
First, friday night I went to this frat and we were just all hanging out, drinking, you know the usual. I was making eyes with this one kid so we decided to go downstairs and do some dirty dancing lol. Next thing I knew we were making out, whatever whatever. We went up to his room at 1:00 and started hooking up. The next time I looked at the clock it was 5:48. I was shocked by the time, but more shocked that HE HAD BEEN EATING ME OUT THE ENTIRE TIME! Not once did I even touch his dick! Time after time he continued to go down on me. I would cum (and made it very obvious), then he would come up, we'd kiss for 2 minutes and then he would go back down. As it got later and later I began to feel exhausted from cuming so much. Literally I must have came at least 8 times!!! I couldn't understand why he didn't even give me a chance to reciprocate the favor. In essence, HE WENT DOWN ON MY FOR FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT!! It was the most amazing five hours of my life. I was so enthralled by his eagerness to please me... yet I couldn't understand why he didn't want anything in return. I later found out that supposedly he has a really hard time getting it up when he's drunk. Is this common for guys? Why does it happen? Does the alcohol effect the bloodflow to the penis?
Alright alright, let's get down to business (if you can pardon the pun). So yay for getting 5 hours of the oral. Most guys and girls who just meet have a tough time getting to that point, either because the girl is afraid of exposing herself or the guy has no idea what to do down there. I'm glad you are both comfortable with your body and that he (obviously) knew what the hell he was doing. Again, the slight ( aka HUGE) amount of jealousy is trying to expose itself.
So on to the whole not-being-able-to-keep-it-up thing... It's called whisky dick, and is WAY more common than we think. Many-a-times when things get hot and alcohol is involved, the make brain cant overcome his BAC. When this happens, don't get embarrassed, it's nature nothing more. Ladies, don't get offended or think he isn't attracted. Men in this situation are incredibly turned on, but the booze just affects their boners. So, if this happens, do what this guy did. Offer to pleasure your partner and in turn you will get pleasure from pleasuring. Oh yeah, I just used the word "pleasure" three times in one sentence. That takes a skill more unique than being able to deep throat, let me tell you.
So in short, if the limp dick is offered and booze have been involved, don't take it personally. Men, don't be embarrassed, just ask for her number and say you'll call her soon. Try again a little (or a lot) more sober, and let the sparks fly then.
In the mean time, enjoy the head :-)
always,
Your Kinseyette
Interesting (red) fact
so did you know that one in every four girls at this exact moment is amidst their (ever so wonderful) period? That's right. 25% of every single girl (of menstruating age) is literally oozing as I type. Pretty interesting fact, eh?
The reason I bring this up is not to make you uncomfortable, though that is an added bonus. It's to make a point, a very important point mind you. This point being that it is time that girls stop being so god damn embarrassed about their bodily functions. Boys can fart and burp and shit in front of one another (and to our obvious dismay, in front of us too) but the second someone brings up the big P or asks for a tampon the whole room goes silent and faces turn red. Why do we do this to ourselves?
You know those commercials, the ones that say "Have a happy period?" Well normally, especially when It is between the 16th and 22nd of each month, I throw something at the television and say LIARS! But after learning the math behind periods, I decided that maybe these pad people have a valid point. Why aren't we happier about our periods? I mean, yeah there are those cramps and the whole blood thing, but seriously, having a period means that you can have a BABY. It means that your body can (and will if given the chance) produce a child, a human baby. I think women sometimes forget how awesome our bodies are.
So here's the deal... embrace your period. It's gross, it hurts, but seriously it's kind of a gift (especially if you think you're pregnant).
OH and one more thing. Since we are talking about periods I thought I'd share another bit of information I learned about TSS. TSS, or toxic shock syndrome, is this vague and ambiguous fear that a lot of girls have when they use tampons. I hear "SHIT! It's been in for 10 hours!" all of the time, mostly from my own mouth.
Though it was originally believed to be true, the belief that tampons are a breeding site for TSS bacteria is a fallacy. This myth came to be believed when the RELY tampon (which used certain synthetic fibers that caused vaginal abrasions) began to be associated with TSS. It wasn't the tampon, it was the fibers. In other words, don't freak out if you forget to change your tampon. Your chances of getting TSS are 1000 times smaller than getting in a car wreck. So breath and don't believe.
Well it was great talking to you :-)
Always,
Your Kinseyette
The reason I bring this up is not to make you uncomfortable, though that is an added bonus. It's to make a point, a very important point mind you. This point being that it is time that girls stop being so god damn embarrassed about their bodily functions. Boys can fart and burp and shit in front of one another (and to our obvious dismay, in front of us too) but the second someone brings up the big P or asks for a tampon the whole room goes silent and faces turn red. Why do we do this to ourselves?
You know those commercials, the ones that say "Have a happy period?" Well normally, especially when It is between the 16th and 22nd of each month, I throw something at the television and say LIARS! But after learning the math behind periods, I decided that maybe these pad people have a valid point. Why aren't we happier about our periods? I mean, yeah there are those cramps and the whole blood thing, but seriously, having a period means that you can have a BABY. It means that your body can (and will if given the chance) produce a child, a human baby. I think women sometimes forget how awesome our bodies are.
So here's the deal... embrace your period. It's gross, it hurts, but seriously it's kind of a gift (especially if you think you're pregnant).
OH and one more thing. Since we are talking about periods I thought I'd share another bit of information I learned about TSS. TSS, or toxic shock syndrome, is this vague and ambiguous fear that a lot of girls have when they use tampons. I hear "SHIT! It's been in for 10 hours!" all of the time, mostly from my own mouth.
Though it was originally believed to be true, the belief that tampons are a breeding site for TSS bacteria is a fallacy. This myth came to be believed when the RELY tampon (which used certain synthetic fibers that caused vaginal abrasions) began to be associated with TSS. It wasn't the tampon, it was the fibers. In other words, don't freak out if you forget to change your tampon. Your chances of getting TSS are 1000 times smaller than getting in a car wreck. So breath and don't believe.
Well it was great talking to you :-)
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Monday, January 19, 2009
Dick-Centeredness: A study
For a woman, understanding the relationship between a man and his penis may be, if you pardon the pun, hard. We girls don’t have the junk necessary to fully experience what it is like to have a dangler between our legs, as all of our important personal belongings lay inside our bodies. It’s because of this that I have decided to delve into the sometimes overly emotional companionship between the penis, testicles, and the man himself.
Before I even start, I should probably bring up the fact that men do in fact take what lies below way too seriously. I should also say that this seriousness (and sometimes obsession) isn’t always their fault. There’s usually nothing wrong with a serious relationship, but sometimes a man’s member can come in between that man and, well, coming.
Men usually start and end their day in the same way: by touching their penis and testicles. According to numerous texts, this act of repetition has less to do with sexual stimulation and much more to do with self-affirmation. When I brought this up to Johnny last night (while his hands were in fact down his pants), all he had to say was, “No shit I touch my balls, I want to make sure they’re still there!”
Another interesting affirmation experience has to do with peeing. A man pees between six and eight times a day. Peeing for most men is seen as a ritual, as how he unzips, brings his penis out, holds said penis during the act, and even how he wags it after is usually done in the same way every single time. Moreover, women do not get the visual reinforcement that men do during the act of urination. A man can feel the sensations inside his body and see the simultaneous reaction outside. This hand-eye visual reinforcement isn’t usually present among women, as most women don’t even know where their urethra is (yes, boys, in case you didn’t know we do have not one, not two, but three holes down there).
Another basis of the dick-centered schema of the male species is the fact that in our society, gratifying and good sex is rated by how successful a man is at not only getting but also maintaining an erection. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a person, especially during something as technical and emotional as sex.
While along the topic of erections, I might as well note the wonderful experience of the “unwanted hard on”. This “UHO” is usually very much present first thing in the morning. These special morning surprises make it not only difficult to empty a beer-filled bladder, but it isn’t exactly a pleasant visual to share with housemates. As an adolescent these boners are usually greeted with frustration and anger. As the boy moves from 15 to 50 however, UHO’s are no longer a problem as a nice strong erection is anything but unwanted.
Women usually assume that a hard-on means that the owner is sexually aroused. This is a false assumption and can be easily disproved when looking at the UHO. Teenagers with wood in school are anything but turned on, as they ferverently try to mentally “talk themselves down.” Unless, of course, the smell of fresh chalk on a blackboard is found especially arousing, then go ahead and rage boner, just rage. Another example at the opposite spectrum is the common occurrence of whisky dick. In this case, the man is probably extremely aroused but his phallic extension won’t respond to the mental firings going on in his head. There are many situations when the dick doesn’t do what it’s owner wants, and it is because of this that we can’t always hold the man responsible for his irresponsible dick.
It may surprise most women how often a man feels some sort of excruciating pain in his testicles. Baseball, zippers (and other forms of pants-to-penis abuse), elbows, door handles, even bicycles are common culprits of the “grab-your-crotch-and-fall-to-your-knees-before-assuming-the-fetal-position” types of experiences. It is because of this that men have a special connection to their reproductive equipment. For girls this happens during menstruation, but again this occurs far less often and far between.
And of course, if all else fails, if the world is ending and if he is on the streets alone in the cold, a man will always have his penis and the wonderful sensations this object of lust and comfort can provide. Unless of course he doesn’t have his penis. Slap that on a cardboard sign, sir, and I will gladly donate a few dollars any day.
Dick-centeredness can sometimes mean that a man uses his hard penis as a way to mask other issues that are going on in his life. The women he has sex with are less women and more masturbation machines, and his penis is the basis of his masculinity. Sometimes, when the member is equivalent to masculinity in the mind of a man, the member will cause more damage that pleasure.
How can you easily spot a man who is more into his penis than pleasuring you (both emotionally and physically)? Those are the types of men that are self-involved, distant, and hard to get close to. It’s no wonder that we call these guys DICKS because it perfectly describes what their lives are about. A man who does not take his penis too seriously is the man who is into more than being the manliest male that has ever walked the planet. He has many different passions in life, and sex is an extension of your relationship, not the center of it.
Can you ever turn a dick-centered man into a normal human male? Absolutely not. No one has ever changed just because someone told them to or wished they would. So, in conclusion, keep you eyes out for the dicks in the world and always make sure that you are never a masturbation machine. Besides, sex is much to much fun to be wasted on dick alone.
Oh, and PS the average size of the male penis is 3.4 inches flaccid, 5 inches erect. Everyone always asks, so I am obliged to answer.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Before I even start, I should probably bring up the fact that men do in fact take what lies below way too seriously. I should also say that this seriousness (and sometimes obsession) isn’t always their fault. There’s usually nothing wrong with a serious relationship, but sometimes a man’s member can come in between that man and, well, coming.
Men usually start and end their day in the same way: by touching their penis and testicles. According to numerous texts, this act of repetition has less to do with sexual stimulation and much more to do with self-affirmation. When I brought this up to Johnny last night (while his hands were in fact down his pants), all he had to say was, “No shit I touch my balls, I want to make sure they’re still there!”
Another interesting affirmation experience has to do with peeing. A man pees between six and eight times a day. Peeing for most men is seen as a ritual, as how he unzips, brings his penis out, holds said penis during the act, and even how he wags it after is usually done in the same way every single time. Moreover, women do not get the visual reinforcement that men do during the act of urination. A man can feel the sensations inside his body and see the simultaneous reaction outside. This hand-eye visual reinforcement isn’t usually present among women, as most women don’t even know where their urethra is (yes, boys, in case you didn’t know we do have not one, not two, but three holes down there).
Another basis of the dick-centered schema of the male species is the fact that in our society, gratifying and good sex is rated by how successful a man is at not only getting but also maintaining an erection. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a person, especially during something as technical and emotional as sex.
While along the topic of erections, I might as well note the wonderful experience of the “unwanted hard on”. This “UHO” is usually very much present first thing in the morning. These special morning surprises make it not only difficult to empty a beer-filled bladder, but it isn’t exactly a pleasant visual to share with housemates. As an adolescent these boners are usually greeted with frustration and anger. As the boy moves from 15 to 50 however, UHO’s are no longer a problem as a nice strong erection is anything but unwanted.
Women usually assume that a hard-on means that the owner is sexually aroused. This is a false assumption and can be easily disproved when looking at the UHO. Teenagers with wood in school are anything but turned on, as they ferverently try to mentally “talk themselves down.” Unless, of course, the smell of fresh chalk on a blackboard is found especially arousing, then go ahead and rage boner, just rage. Another example at the opposite spectrum is the common occurrence of whisky dick. In this case, the man is probably extremely aroused but his phallic extension won’t respond to the mental firings going on in his head. There are many situations when the dick doesn’t do what it’s owner wants, and it is because of this that we can’t always hold the man responsible for his irresponsible dick.
It may surprise most women how often a man feels some sort of excruciating pain in his testicles. Baseball, zippers (and other forms of pants-to-penis abuse), elbows, door handles, even bicycles are common culprits of the “grab-your-crotch-and-fall-to-your-knees-before-assuming-the-fetal-position” types of experiences. It is because of this that men have a special connection to their reproductive equipment. For girls this happens during menstruation, but again this occurs far less often and far between.
And of course, if all else fails, if the world is ending and if he is on the streets alone in the cold, a man will always have his penis and the wonderful sensations this object of lust and comfort can provide. Unless of course he doesn’t have his penis. Slap that on a cardboard sign, sir, and I will gladly donate a few dollars any day.
Dick-centeredness can sometimes mean that a man uses his hard penis as a way to mask other issues that are going on in his life. The women he has sex with are less women and more masturbation machines, and his penis is the basis of his masculinity. Sometimes, when the member is equivalent to masculinity in the mind of a man, the member will cause more damage that pleasure.
How can you easily spot a man who is more into his penis than pleasuring you (both emotionally and physically)? Those are the types of men that are self-involved, distant, and hard to get close to. It’s no wonder that we call these guys DICKS because it perfectly describes what their lives are about. A man who does not take his penis too seriously is the man who is into more than being the manliest male that has ever walked the planet. He has many different passions in life, and sex is an extension of your relationship, not the center of it.
Can you ever turn a dick-centered man into a normal human male? Absolutely not. No one has ever changed just because someone told them to or wished they would. So, in conclusion, keep you eyes out for the dicks in the world and always make sure that you are never a masturbation machine. Besides, sex is much to much fun to be wasted on dick alone.
Oh, and PS the average size of the male penis is 3.4 inches flaccid, 5 inches erect. Everyone always asks, so I am obliged to answer.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Friday, January 16, 2009
Jack... and JILL yelling PHIL!
Jack and Jill are perfect for one another (and I don’t just mean because of their names). They never fight and they seem to bring out the best in one another. The amount a couple fights isn’t always a perfect indication of the health of a relationship, since sometimes people are so afraid of one another that when they do have some serious issues, those issues will not be discussed (which is never a good thing). However, the fact that both Jack and Jill are happy not only on their own, but with each other, means that they have the most successful, fulfilling, and loving relationship possible for them.
That being said, today at lunch I learned a funny story about this power couple. It starts with them having sex, and ends with Jill calling out a name. Not Jack’s name, by the way, but I’m sure you figured that out already. Lets say this other lucky fellow has a name that is Phil, to protect his anonymity (and because Phil obviously rhymes with Jill, keeping the fairytale-like spirit alive). So there was Jack and Jill, mid act, doing their thing, you know, the dirty dirty, when BAM, Jill lets loose a name that is not associated with her boyfriend.
After laughing at choking on my bagel in response to hearing this story, I was able to ask Jack a couple of questions on his reaction. They went along the lines of, “How can you recover from that? What do you do next?!” His responses went along the lines of “You don’t. It was like, alright, see you tomorrow.” In other words, they laughed and lived on.
That got me thinking about the phenomenon of yelling someone else’s name in bed. How does one react to that situation without doing more damage? What causes this sensation? Stereotypically most people would be so thrilled to be having sex that calling out the name of someone you are not in bed with seems hard to do. I have done a little research and have found some personal responses to this very sticky situation. My favorite comes from an anonymous man. His response reflects the event if a man yells out another woman’s name during sex.
“This is a good example of how men if they were completely honest with their girlfriends, would be dumped in seconds. Everyone fantasizes about other people / animals / vegetables / inanimate objects when the lights are off and its completely healthy. Let's face it, having sex with the same person over an extended period of time can become routine and a little mental deviation can add a bit of excitement. I'm sure the first thing all the fellas who watch a Britney Spears video on TV are thinking, 'this is outrageous exploitation of women and I will write a letter complaining about this instant'. I don't think so. They are more likely thinking, 'I hope the girlfriend doesn’t come back too quick from work' and 'where’s the Kleenex'. Men are either pervs or healthy depending on your point of view. If it happens again, have a sense of humor, don’t doubt yourself so much, the guy is with you not her, and give him a slap and tell him if it happens again you will get the cuffs and whips out!! I'm sure that will improve things no end.”
That being said, so I agree with this anonymous male’s opinion? Some of it, yes. I do agree that sometimes sex lives get old and that mental fantasies are a healthy alternative, but that is rarely the case in college students just starting out on their sexual adventurousness.
My opinion? Sometimes brains “fart,” and its no surprise this happens doing something that is so physical and not so intellectual as sex. When you let your thinking brain go and let your body do the talking, there is nothing keeping random thoughts from bursting through your mouth.
How do you deal with it if your partner calls out someone else’s name? Well, firstly, if you can laugh it off then do it. If it is a first time/one time bit, there is nothing to worry about. Do me a huge favor and don’t assume your partner is cheating on you with the person he/she named. The start of accusations is the first sign of a failing relationship. By accusing her you are showing your partner that you don’t fully trust her. Moreover, if you don’t trust her completely, then how can you expect her to trust you?
If every time your partner reaches climax they yell out their bosses name, you may want to consider couples counseling or at least a very serious talk. Again, don’t make sudden accusations, especially mid-copulation, but there is a reason for the continuous outbursts so you should try to figure it out TOGETHER.
If you can’t finish sex after “the event,” don’t worry. Men are sensitive and sometimes after something like this happens, they just cant, well, deliver the way they normally can. The same goes to women, especially because our own personal mental control is what helps us ease into climax to begin with (and alternatively if we are distracted, a successful orgasm is even harder to achieve).
That being said, today at lunch I learned a funny story about this power couple. It starts with them having sex, and ends with Jill calling out a name. Not Jack’s name, by the way, but I’m sure you figured that out already. Lets say this other lucky fellow has a name that is Phil, to protect his anonymity (and because Phil obviously rhymes with Jill, keeping the fairytale-like spirit alive). So there was Jack and Jill, mid act, doing their thing, you know, the dirty dirty, when BAM, Jill lets loose a name that is not associated with her boyfriend.
After laughing at choking on my bagel in response to hearing this story, I was able to ask Jack a couple of questions on his reaction. They went along the lines of, “How can you recover from that? What do you do next?!” His responses went along the lines of “You don’t. It was like, alright, see you tomorrow.” In other words, they laughed and lived on.
That got me thinking about the phenomenon of yelling someone else’s name in bed. How does one react to that situation without doing more damage? What causes this sensation? Stereotypically most people would be so thrilled to be having sex that calling out the name of someone you are not in bed with seems hard to do. I have done a little research and have found some personal responses to this very sticky situation. My favorite comes from an anonymous man. His response reflects the event if a man yells out another woman’s name during sex.
“This is a good example of how men if they were completely honest with their girlfriends, would be dumped in seconds. Everyone fantasizes about other people / animals / vegetables / inanimate objects when the lights are off and its completely healthy. Let's face it, having sex with the same person over an extended period of time can become routine and a little mental deviation can add a bit of excitement. I'm sure the first thing all the fellas who watch a Britney Spears video on TV are thinking, 'this is outrageous exploitation of women and I will write a letter complaining about this instant'. I don't think so. They are more likely thinking, 'I hope the girlfriend doesn’t come back too quick from work' and 'where’s the Kleenex'. Men are either pervs or healthy depending on your point of view. If it happens again, have a sense of humor, don’t doubt yourself so much, the guy is with you not her, and give him a slap and tell him if it happens again you will get the cuffs and whips out!! I'm sure that will improve things no end.”
That being said, so I agree with this anonymous male’s opinion? Some of it, yes. I do agree that sometimes sex lives get old and that mental fantasies are a healthy alternative, but that is rarely the case in college students just starting out on their sexual adventurousness.
My opinion? Sometimes brains “fart,” and its no surprise this happens doing something that is so physical and not so intellectual as sex. When you let your thinking brain go and let your body do the talking, there is nothing keeping random thoughts from bursting through your mouth.
How do you deal with it if your partner calls out someone else’s name? Well, firstly, if you can laugh it off then do it. If it is a first time/one time bit, there is nothing to worry about. Do me a huge favor and don’t assume your partner is cheating on you with the person he/she named. The start of accusations is the first sign of a failing relationship. By accusing her you are showing your partner that you don’t fully trust her. Moreover, if you don’t trust her completely, then how can you expect her to trust you?
If every time your partner reaches climax they yell out their bosses name, you may want to consider couples counseling or at least a very serious talk. Again, don’t make sudden accusations, especially mid-copulation, but there is a reason for the continuous outbursts so you should try to figure it out TOGETHER.
If you can’t finish sex after “the event,” don’t worry. Men are sensitive and sometimes after something like this happens, they just cant, well, deliver the way they normally can. The same goes to women, especially because our own personal mental control is what helps us ease into climax to begin with (and alternatively if we are distracted, a successful orgasm is even harder to achieve).
and then he kissed me: an update on Delia and Dakota
Since last night was a night of many parties, I was sure that there’d be many-a-story to be told in the morning. And oh was I right. From a kiss with some major subtext, to the official labeling of a relationship, the night was filled with some new developments.
So I left off on the story of Delia and Tim with a bit of a stalemate: I was unsure of what was going on, and I think Delia was hesitant to tell me about what had happened. Last night, however, the stalemate ended. To say it ended doesn’t mean that many questions were answered, but that there was initiated contact. And a Kiss ☺ But first, I need to talk about Dakota.
Dakota also had a bit of a night. The guy she’s been seeing (and whom she has strongly been denying is her boyfriend) finally called the relationship official. How did he do it, you ask? Well, because Dakota made us late for the busses to the fraternity party (I am still bitter), we decided to catch a cab. To fill the time, Brock (her something) decided to buy some Boons and wait in the cold for the cab to show up. While walking and talking about who was going to pay for cab fare, Brock stated, “Who is paying?” When Dakota stated that she would, Brock responded with a, “Wow, I am such a moochy boyfriend.” Dakota would’ve missed it, but I sure didn’t. I started coughing uncontrollably, hoping that she would take the hint and rewind, review, and respond to what was just said, but she was oblivious. I explained to her after what had been said, and that was that.
This got me thinking about when the time is right to make a relationship official. In high school things were ALWAYS official. A guy wanting to have a girl as his girlfriend would just ask, “Do you want to go out with me?” and that’d be that. Everyone dated each other in high school, and sometimes being boyfriend/girlfriend just meant you could make out in the parking lot before school and not be judged.
In college, people can hook up, go on dates, and meet each others parents at the Columns Hotel for martini’s and still not call each other the “(insert gender)friend.” The way Brock went about making things official is cute and easy. Brock and Dakota have been seeing each other for a little while before Christmas break, and they get along great. We all figured it was just a matter of time before it happened. By just casually dropping the G word, Brock gently initiated the idea and concurrently made it stick.
Some girls prefer a discussion before the official has become official. These are the kinds of girls that usually “wear the pants,” and there’s nothing wrong with that. So guys, if you have a controlling type-A girl, make sure you discuss with her the idea of being exclusive before making the assumption. Who knows, your future lawyer girlfriend may have a few boyfriends on the side. To bring this up in conversation, simply ask her if she’d mind being called your girlfriend. If that is too awkward, go the Brock way, drop the word when with friends, and if she has a problem with it she will most definitely bring up the issue the next time you are alone. In other words, it can’t hurt.
We left for the party all single ladies, and before we even hit the venue we had a couple.
After we all went to the fraternity party downtown (and I subsequently went home), Delia and a couple of people went to the bar that Tim works for as a bouncer. When they got there, Delia said hi to her almost-something and went along like nothing was different. She told me she felt awkward being so close to him and all I could say was that it is to be expected after such a long period of no communication.
The whole evening they made small talk and small advancements were being made. By the end of the night, it was Delia and Tim in the middle of the Bar. She said that he was very touchy, very feely, and that he even kissed her in front of everyone. After that moment, he brought up the awkward by asking her to text him. She consequently brought up that it was HIM who didn’t respond to HER texts, and therefore he no has the wonderful responsibility to maintain communications.
Guys, if you really like a girl, don’t wait around for her to text you. Traditionally girls tend to wait around for the guy, so don’t make them wait. Girls, if you haven’t gotten a text from a guy your into for a couple of days, send him a little message asking him to PJs or Bruff, or even ask him if he is going to that party this weekend. If all else fails, type an inside joke onto his facebook wall or send him a funny bumpersticker. Make sure he knows you are there, as guys sometimes get so self-conscious about your interest that they would rather prevent embarrassment and not contact you.
After telling me their encounter, Delia seems pretty excited about the whole thing, and I am so happy for her. She deserves to be happy. I’m sure there will be many more developments with them, as well as with everyone.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
So I left off on the story of Delia and Tim with a bit of a stalemate: I was unsure of what was going on, and I think Delia was hesitant to tell me about what had happened. Last night, however, the stalemate ended. To say it ended doesn’t mean that many questions were answered, but that there was initiated contact. And a Kiss ☺ But first, I need to talk about Dakota.
Dakota also had a bit of a night. The guy she’s been seeing (and whom she has strongly been denying is her boyfriend) finally called the relationship official. How did he do it, you ask? Well, because Dakota made us late for the busses to the fraternity party (I am still bitter), we decided to catch a cab. To fill the time, Brock (her something) decided to buy some Boons and wait in the cold for the cab to show up. While walking and talking about who was going to pay for cab fare, Brock stated, “Who is paying?” When Dakota stated that she would, Brock responded with a, “Wow, I am such a moochy boyfriend.” Dakota would’ve missed it, but I sure didn’t. I started coughing uncontrollably, hoping that she would take the hint and rewind, review, and respond to what was just said, but she was oblivious. I explained to her after what had been said, and that was that.
This got me thinking about when the time is right to make a relationship official. In high school things were ALWAYS official. A guy wanting to have a girl as his girlfriend would just ask, “Do you want to go out with me?” and that’d be that. Everyone dated each other in high school, and sometimes being boyfriend/girlfriend just meant you could make out in the parking lot before school and not be judged.
In college, people can hook up, go on dates, and meet each others parents at the Columns Hotel for martini’s and still not call each other the “(insert gender)friend.” The way Brock went about making things official is cute and easy. Brock and Dakota have been seeing each other for a little while before Christmas break, and they get along great. We all figured it was just a matter of time before it happened. By just casually dropping the G word, Brock gently initiated the idea and concurrently made it stick.
Some girls prefer a discussion before the official has become official. These are the kinds of girls that usually “wear the pants,” and there’s nothing wrong with that. So guys, if you have a controlling type-A girl, make sure you discuss with her the idea of being exclusive before making the assumption. Who knows, your future lawyer girlfriend may have a few boyfriends on the side. To bring this up in conversation, simply ask her if she’d mind being called your girlfriend. If that is too awkward, go the Brock way, drop the word when with friends, and if she has a problem with it she will most definitely bring up the issue the next time you are alone. In other words, it can’t hurt.
We left for the party all single ladies, and before we even hit the venue we had a couple.
After we all went to the fraternity party downtown (and I subsequently went home), Delia and a couple of people went to the bar that Tim works for as a bouncer. When they got there, Delia said hi to her almost-something and went along like nothing was different. She told me she felt awkward being so close to him and all I could say was that it is to be expected after such a long period of no communication.
The whole evening they made small talk and small advancements were being made. By the end of the night, it was Delia and Tim in the middle of the Bar. She said that he was very touchy, very feely, and that he even kissed her in front of everyone. After that moment, he brought up the awkward by asking her to text him. She consequently brought up that it was HIM who didn’t respond to HER texts, and therefore he no has the wonderful responsibility to maintain communications.
Guys, if you really like a girl, don’t wait around for her to text you. Traditionally girls tend to wait around for the guy, so don’t make them wait. Girls, if you haven’t gotten a text from a guy your into for a couple of days, send him a little message asking him to PJs or Bruff, or even ask him if he is going to that party this weekend. If all else fails, type an inside joke onto his facebook wall or send him a funny bumpersticker. Make sure he knows you are there, as guys sometimes get so self-conscious about your interest that they would rather prevent embarrassment and not contact you.
After telling me their encounter, Delia seems pretty excited about the whole thing, and I am so happy for her. She deserves to be happy. I’m sure there will be many more developments with them, as well as with everyone.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
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