Gawker.com had the following to say about this video clip:
-----How much grinding is too much grinding for a high school dance? Let Brandon and Logan, two strapping young lads featured on reality show The Principal's Office, show you.
The remarkably secure-in-their-masculinity (for 17-year-olds, or whatever) chaps touch knees, which is OK. One touches the other's chest. That is not OK. Then they start some more explicit butt-to-front stuff and the principal featured in this episode gets a little uncomfortable and some of us have to step outside for some fresh, cold air because, you know, they're in high school. Anyway, untoward tinglings aside, it's funny.---
so, children, it's hilarious and begs you to wonder why it's okay for girls and boys and even girls and girls dance dirty while this is considered inappropriate. enjoy!
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Cum and tasty-- Mutually exclusive?
So here’s an email I got from my dear girl Lexi:
Dear Kinseyette,
My roommate and I got to talk the other night about this topic. She was eating pickles and said; "I heard pickles make your vagina smell good". Now I have heard before that food makes guy's cum smell and taste different depending on foods they eat, but I have never heard that about a girl's parts before. Is it true that pickles make your vagina smell good? Do foods affect the way our vagina smells and does it also affect the taste of our cum? Please let me know what you find out on this topic.
Much love,
Lexi!
Ladies (and gents) it is about time I got down to business (if you pardon the pun). The business being, obviously, vaginas, penises, secretions, and semen.
This first bit of news is a bit sad: want to get your spunk to be less spunky? You got to cut down on all of your ever-so-enjoyable vices. That’s right, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, even unhealthy foods all affect the way you taste down there. The most common word-of-mouth (again with the puns!) is that vegetarians taste and smell the best.
The good part is that it is easy to add a little sweetness to your sweet parts. The rumor is true: pineapples are your friend, especially when you want your after-dinner-desert to involve more than whipped cream and strawberries. Pineapple raw, juiced, even canned can increase the sweetness of your juices. The affect wears off within 12 hours, so eat it a little while before the act, and then get yo ass down to what’s important! Take wheatgrass shots when you’re at jamba juice, eat fruits, celery, and drink lots of water!! This goes for men and women equally.
When it comes to foods to stay away from, use your head: you know how when you eat onions or garlic you can smell it come out of your pores when you wake up the next morning? The same goes for your between-the-thigh secretions. Onions, asparagus, even curries can affect the way your cum tastes. And let me tell you, no one likes a curry cum surprise.
Thanks to a helpful website I discovered, here’s a little recipe for a special “super spunk smoothie:”
1 cup pineapple, fresh or canned
1 banana, frozen
1 cup apple juice
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 TBS honey
Optional ingredients: 1 raw egg white, 2 TBS wheat germ, 2 TBS flax seed, 1 shot wheatgrass juice
So, grab some pineapple, throw away the asparagus, and take your pants off: its time for some good ol’ time eatin’
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Dear Kinseyette,
My roommate and I got to talk the other night about this topic. She was eating pickles and said; "I heard pickles make your vagina smell good". Now I have heard before that food makes guy's cum smell and taste different depending on foods they eat, but I have never heard that about a girl's parts before. Is it true that pickles make your vagina smell good? Do foods affect the way our vagina smells and does it also affect the taste of our cum? Please let me know what you find out on this topic.
Much love,
Lexi!
Ladies (and gents) it is about time I got down to business (if you pardon the pun). The business being, obviously, vaginas, penises, secretions, and semen.
This first bit of news is a bit sad: want to get your spunk to be less spunky? You got to cut down on all of your ever-so-enjoyable vices. That’s right, cigarettes, drugs, alcohol, even unhealthy foods all affect the way you taste down there. The most common word-of-mouth (again with the puns!) is that vegetarians taste and smell the best.
The good part is that it is easy to add a little sweetness to your sweet parts. The rumor is true: pineapples are your friend, especially when you want your after-dinner-desert to involve more than whipped cream and strawberries. Pineapple raw, juiced, even canned can increase the sweetness of your juices. The affect wears off within 12 hours, so eat it a little while before the act, and then get yo ass down to what’s important! Take wheatgrass shots when you’re at jamba juice, eat fruits, celery, and drink lots of water!! This goes for men and women equally.
When it comes to foods to stay away from, use your head: you know how when you eat onions or garlic you can smell it come out of your pores when you wake up the next morning? The same goes for your between-the-thigh secretions. Onions, asparagus, even curries can affect the way your cum tastes. And let me tell you, no one likes a curry cum surprise.
Thanks to a helpful website I discovered, here’s a little recipe for a special “super spunk smoothie:”
1 cup pineapple, fresh or canned
1 banana, frozen
1 cup apple juice
1/2 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/4 tsp nutmeg
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 TBS honey
Optional ingredients: 1 raw egg white, 2 TBS wheat germ, 2 TBS flax seed, 1 shot wheatgrass juice
So, grab some pineapple, throw away the asparagus, and take your pants off: its time for some good ol’ time eatin’
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Let's give the boy a hand!
So it came to my attention (via email) that men are starting to realize that the famous and most popular excuse for us women to not give hand jobs is quickly becoming falsified.
SO what is this famous and popular excuse? I’m sure you’ve heard it before... I’ll give you time to think about it. Need more time? Nah, you’ve got it, you’ve said it, and you’ve been given it. That’s right, the “He can do it better than I can anyways” excuse. And let me just tell you now so you know where I stand: This excuse it bullshit. Oh I said it! It is the shit of bulls. That’s right ladies, the jig is up. Men, be prepared to thank me profusely. I prefer sexual favors but I will take stories any day.
You heard me correct, there is no longer an excuse for not giving a hand job. Well, I mean, not having hands is a good excuse. Or having carpel tunnel (I hear it’s very uncomfortable). Maybe even tennis elbow is a good one… But in regards to the excuse in question, it is no longer usable. And let me tell you why!
Ladies, notice how you can’t tickle yourself? How no matter how hard you try, unless you are poking yourself with a stick, you just can’t get the same tickle that happens when someone else squeezes you in the side? The same rule goes for men and their penises. Don’t get me wrong, they can “tickle” themselves just fine (I’ll explain more in my masturbation piece), but it’s just way more fun (and feels way more intense) when you do it for them.
Another thing a man can’t do by himself? He can’t look at YOU doing the deed. Yeah he can look at porn and pretend that Jenna Jameson is handling his goodies, just like how we can watch the notebook and pretend that Ryan Gosling is frolicking in the ocean with us. Pretend all we want, that shit just ain’t ever gonna happen, and that’s the truth.
Another up to getting instead of giving-and-getting is he can just relax. No forearm workout here, just plain pleasure. His partner can do all the work and he can remain the receiver 100%. Plus he won’t get all red-faced and constipated-looking while trying to get-off.
It’s nice to have someone fooling around with your special parts while making noises. Even if they are moans or sighs, it’s still more than the background noise of ESPN or South Park on the television.
The giver can do MORE than just play with the dick too. She (or he) can use her (or his) mouth on the receiver’s body to get some blood pumping. Nipples, necks, and stomachs are always a good area to stimulate.
The hand job also has many-an-advantage for the giver. First and foremost, none of that foaming-at-the-mouth-before-having-to-figure-out-a-clever-way-to-SPIT-THIS-SHIT-OUT stuff. It’s all in the hands baby, and you are just a softsoap cleansing away from the “coming” to be going.
You also get a more intimate work environment than when your head is between his legs. You can look at one another, you can kiss one another, and you can see his face react to what you are doing to him. It’s very satisfying and will only turn you on more.
Lastly, you don’t have to worry about suction, taste of semen, teeth, and what to do with your hands and eyes (as Ronny told me “does it creep anyone else out when the girl just stares at you the entire time? You’re mouth fucking my dick, not my eyes!”). You just use the techniques I teach you (and I will teach you) and see what hand jobs can bring you.
SO homework for everyone: Try an old school hand job, the kind that goes from start to finish. If he tries to reciprocate, don’t let him (for the first round only). You want him to enjoy it and to tell you what feels good, but you also want to get some vajayjay action in return (and who could blame you). I promise this can only bring more heat into any relationship.
So do your homework, it’s way overdue
Always,
Your Kinseyette
SO what is this famous and popular excuse? I’m sure you’ve heard it before... I’ll give you time to think about it. Need more time? Nah, you’ve got it, you’ve said it, and you’ve been given it. That’s right, the “He can do it better than I can anyways” excuse. And let me just tell you now so you know where I stand: This excuse it bullshit. Oh I said it! It is the shit of bulls. That’s right ladies, the jig is up. Men, be prepared to thank me profusely. I prefer sexual favors but I will take stories any day.
You heard me correct, there is no longer an excuse for not giving a hand job. Well, I mean, not having hands is a good excuse. Or having carpel tunnel (I hear it’s very uncomfortable). Maybe even tennis elbow is a good one… But in regards to the excuse in question, it is no longer usable. And let me tell you why!
Ladies, notice how you can’t tickle yourself? How no matter how hard you try, unless you are poking yourself with a stick, you just can’t get the same tickle that happens when someone else squeezes you in the side? The same rule goes for men and their penises. Don’t get me wrong, they can “tickle” themselves just fine (I’ll explain more in my masturbation piece), but it’s just way more fun (and feels way more intense) when you do it for them.
Another thing a man can’t do by himself? He can’t look at YOU doing the deed. Yeah he can look at porn and pretend that Jenna Jameson is handling his goodies, just like how we can watch the notebook and pretend that Ryan Gosling is frolicking in the ocean with us. Pretend all we want, that shit just ain’t ever gonna happen, and that’s the truth.
Another up to getting instead of giving-and-getting is he can just relax. No forearm workout here, just plain pleasure. His partner can do all the work and he can remain the receiver 100%. Plus he won’t get all red-faced and constipated-looking while trying to get-off.
It’s nice to have someone fooling around with your special parts while making noises. Even if they are moans or sighs, it’s still more than the background noise of ESPN or South Park on the television.
The giver can do MORE than just play with the dick too. She (or he) can use her (or his) mouth on the receiver’s body to get some blood pumping. Nipples, necks, and stomachs are always a good area to stimulate.
The hand job also has many-an-advantage for the giver. First and foremost, none of that foaming-at-the-mouth-before-having-to-figure-out-a-clever-way-to-SPIT-THIS-SHIT-OUT stuff. It’s all in the hands baby, and you are just a softsoap cleansing away from the “coming” to be going.
You also get a more intimate work environment than when your head is between his legs. You can look at one another, you can kiss one another, and you can see his face react to what you are doing to him. It’s very satisfying and will only turn you on more.
Lastly, you don’t have to worry about suction, taste of semen, teeth, and what to do with your hands and eyes (as Ronny told me “does it creep anyone else out when the girl just stares at you the entire time? You’re mouth fucking my dick, not my eyes!”). You just use the techniques I teach you (and I will teach you) and see what hand jobs can bring you.
SO homework for everyone: Try an old school hand job, the kind that goes from start to finish. If he tries to reciprocate, don’t let him (for the first round only). You want him to enjoy it and to tell you what feels good, but you also want to get some vajayjay action in return (and who could blame you). I promise this can only bring more heat into any relationship.
So do your homework, it’s way overdue
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
An email from Chelsea
Hey Kinseyette,
Is it ok to have sex with someone if I only have kissed them? I don't know how long I should wait to have sex with him. I have known him for a year, so it is not like we just met and we have had a flirtation for a year. How long should I wait, or is it even smart to have sex with a friend?
Ps This is for my roomie who is too nervous to write you an email, I love you have fun
SO dear roommate of my dear chelsea... The funny thing about sex is that it is so personal that only YOU can decide when it's appropriate. This is funny because almost everyone thinks sex lives are all made equal and therefor all advice is equally distributable.
When other people get involved, you'll do things for THEM and not for yourself. So take a breath, think for a second, and do what feels right. DONT make the decision to have sex with him amidst a heavy make-out session. Even a mormon could give it up if the hormones are just right. Do your calculus homework or something equally as non-sexual and then think about the pros and cons. Don't think too much, however, because over-thinking is another pitfall.
It's a balance miss, and you just gotta feel whats right. The best part about feelings is that they are never wrong, so you can never regret whichever decision you choose.
Another issue is having sex with a friend. That is a bit trickier than just thinking about the pros and cons since you guys already have a relationship and there's something to be lost. I am a huge fan of talking about a situation, but guys usually aren't into the easy route. So what you should do is feel things out, take the time and hang out. if everytime you hang out you make-out, then there's probably more to this "ship" than just a "friend."
HAVE FUN and don't put to much drama into it. Who knows, maybe the sex will be incredible.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Is it ok to have sex with someone if I only have kissed them? I don't know how long I should wait to have sex with him. I have known him for a year, so it is not like we just met and we have had a flirtation for a year. How long should I wait, or is it even smart to have sex with a friend?
Ps This is for my roomie who is too nervous to write you an email, I love you have fun
SO dear roommate of my dear chelsea... The funny thing about sex is that it is so personal that only YOU can decide when it's appropriate. This is funny because almost everyone thinks sex lives are all made equal and therefor all advice is equally distributable.
When other people get involved, you'll do things for THEM and not for yourself. So take a breath, think for a second, and do what feels right. DONT make the decision to have sex with him amidst a heavy make-out session. Even a mormon could give it up if the hormones are just right. Do your calculus homework or something equally as non-sexual and then think about the pros and cons. Don't think too much, however, because over-thinking is another pitfall.
It's a balance miss, and you just gotta feel whats right. The best part about feelings is that they are never wrong, so you can never regret whichever decision you choose.
Another issue is having sex with a friend. That is a bit trickier than just thinking about the pros and cons since you guys already have a relationship and there's something to be lost. I am a huge fan of talking about a situation, but guys usually aren't into the easy route. So what you should do is feel things out, take the time and hang out. if everytime you hang out you make-out, then there's probably more to this "ship" than just a "friend."
HAVE FUN and don't put to much drama into it. Who knows, maybe the sex will be incredible.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Sandi likes it hot
So Sandi, as promised, has decided to update me on some sexcellent events going on with her. Here's the email I got, and I read it with only a slight (aka HUGE) amount of jealousy.
First, friday night I went to this frat and we were just all hanging out, drinking, you know the usual. I was making eyes with this one kid so we decided to go downstairs and do some dirty dancing lol. Next thing I knew we were making out, whatever whatever. We went up to his room at 1:00 and started hooking up. The next time I looked at the clock it was 5:48. I was shocked by the time, but more shocked that HE HAD BEEN EATING ME OUT THE ENTIRE TIME! Not once did I even touch his dick! Time after time he continued to go down on me. I would cum (and made it very obvious), then he would come up, we'd kiss for 2 minutes and then he would go back down. As it got later and later I began to feel exhausted from cuming so much. Literally I must have came at least 8 times!!! I couldn't understand why he didn't even give me a chance to reciprocate the favor. In essence, HE WENT DOWN ON MY FOR FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT!! It was the most amazing five hours of my life. I was so enthralled by his eagerness to please me... yet I couldn't understand why he didn't want anything in return. I later found out that supposedly he has a really hard time getting it up when he's drunk. Is this common for guys? Why does it happen? Does the alcohol effect the bloodflow to the penis?
Alright alright, let's get down to business (if you can pardon the pun). So yay for getting 5 hours of the oral. Most guys and girls who just meet have a tough time getting to that point, either because the girl is afraid of exposing herself or the guy has no idea what to do down there. I'm glad you are both comfortable with your body and that he (obviously) knew what the hell he was doing. Again, the slight ( aka HUGE) amount of jealousy is trying to expose itself.
So on to the whole not-being-able-to-keep-it-up thing... It's called whisky dick, and is WAY more common than we think. Many-a-times when things get hot and alcohol is involved, the make brain cant overcome his BAC. When this happens, don't get embarrassed, it's nature nothing more. Ladies, don't get offended or think he isn't attracted. Men in this situation are incredibly turned on, but the booze just affects their boners. So, if this happens, do what this guy did. Offer to pleasure your partner and in turn you will get pleasure from pleasuring. Oh yeah, I just used the word "pleasure" three times in one sentence. That takes a skill more unique than being able to deep throat, let me tell you.
So in short, if the limp dick is offered and booze have been involved, don't take it personally. Men, don't be embarrassed, just ask for her number and say you'll call her soon. Try again a little (or a lot) more sober, and let the sparks fly then.
In the mean time, enjoy the head :-)
always,
Your Kinseyette
First, friday night I went to this frat and we were just all hanging out, drinking, you know the usual. I was making eyes with this one kid so we decided to go downstairs and do some dirty dancing lol. Next thing I knew we were making out, whatever whatever. We went up to his room at 1:00 and started hooking up. The next time I looked at the clock it was 5:48. I was shocked by the time, but more shocked that HE HAD BEEN EATING ME OUT THE ENTIRE TIME! Not once did I even touch his dick! Time after time he continued to go down on me. I would cum (and made it very obvious), then he would come up, we'd kiss for 2 minutes and then he would go back down. As it got later and later I began to feel exhausted from cuming so much. Literally I must have came at least 8 times!!! I couldn't understand why he didn't even give me a chance to reciprocate the favor. In essence, HE WENT DOWN ON MY FOR FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT!! It was the most amazing five hours of my life. I was so enthralled by his eagerness to please me... yet I couldn't understand why he didn't want anything in return. I later found out that supposedly he has a really hard time getting it up when he's drunk. Is this common for guys? Why does it happen? Does the alcohol effect the bloodflow to the penis?
Alright alright, let's get down to business (if you can pardon the pun). So yay for getting 5 hours of the oral. Most guys and girls who just meet have a tough time getting to that point, either because the girl is afraid of exposing herself or the guy has no idea what to do down there. I'm glad you are both comfortable with your body and that he (obviously) knew what the hell he was doing. Again, the slight ( aka HUGE) amount of jealousy is trying to expose itself.
So on to the whole not-being-able-to-keep-it-up thing... It's called whisky dick, and is WAY more common than we think. Many-a-times when things get hot and alcohol is involved, the make brain cant overcome his BAC. When this happens, don't get embarrassed, it's nature nothing more. Ladies, don't get offended or think he isn't attracted. Men in this situation are incredibly turned on, but the booze just affects their boners. So, if this happens, do what this guy did. Offer to pleasure your partner and in turn you will get pleasure from pleasuring. Oh yeah, I just used the word "pleasure" three times in one sentence. That takes a skill more unique than being able to deep throat, let me tell you.
So in short, if the limp dick is offered and booze have been involved, don't take it personally. Men, don't be embarrassed, just ask for her number and say you'll call her soon. Try again a little (or a lot) more sober, and let the sparks fly then.
In the mean time, enjoy the head :-)
always,
Your Kinseyette
Interesting (red) fact
so did you know that one in every four girls at this exact moment is amidst their (ever so wonderful) period? That's right. 25% of every single girl (of menstruating age) is literally oozing as I type. Pretty interesting fact, eh?
The reason I bring this up is not to make you uncomfortable, though that is an added bonus. It's to make a point, a very important point mind you. This point being that it is time that girls stop being so god damn embarrassed about their bodily functions. Boys can fart and burp and shit in front of one another (and to our obvious dismay, in front of us too) but the second someone brings up the big P or asks for a tampon the whole room goes silent and faces turn red. Why do we do this to ourselves?
You know those commercials, the ones that say "Have a happy period?" Well normally, especially when It is between the 16th and 22nd of each month, I throw something at the television and say LIARS! But after learning the math behind periods, I decided that maybe these pad people have a valid point. Why aren't we happier about our periods? I mean, yeah there are those cramps and the whole blood thing, but seriously, having a period means that you can have a BABY. It means that your body can (and will if given the chance) produce a child, a human baby. I think women sometimes forget how awesome our bodies are.
So here's the deal... embrace your period. It's gross, it hurts, but seriously it's kind of a gift (especially if you think you're pregnant).
OH and one more thing. Since we are talking about periods I thought I'd share another bit of information I learned about TSS. TSS, or toxic shock syndrome, is this vague and ambiguous fear that a lot of girls have when they use tampons. I hear "SHIT! It's been in for 10 hours!" all of the time, mostly from my own mouth.
Though it was originally believed to be true, the belief that tampons are a breeding site for TSS bacteria is a fallacy. This myth came to be believed when the RELY tampon (which used certain synthetic fibers that caused vaginal abrasions) began to be associated with TSS. It wasn't the tampon, it was the fibers. In other words, don't freak out if you forget to change your tampon. Your chances of getting TSS are 1000 times smaller than getting in a car wreck. So breath and don't believe.
Well it was great talking to you :-)
Always,
Your Kinseyette
The reason I bring this up is not to make you uncomfortable, though that is an added bonus. It's to make a point, a very important point mind you. This point being that it is time that girls stop being so god damn embarrassed about their bodily functions. Boys can fart and burp and shit in front of one another (and to our obvious dismay, in front of us too) but the second someone brings up the big P or asks for a tampon the whole room goes silent and faces turn red. Why do we do this to ourselves?
You know those commercials, the ones that say "Have a happy period?" Well normally, especially when It is between the 16th and 22nd of each month, I throw something at the television and say LIARS! But after learning the math behind periods, I decided that maybe these pad people have a valid point. Why aren't we happier about our periods? I mean, yeah there are those cramps and the whole blood thing, but seriously, having a period means that you can have a BABY. It means that your body can (and will if given the chance) produce a child, a human baby. I think women sometimes forget how awesome our bodies are.
So here's the deal... embrace your period. It's gross, it hurts, but seriously it's kind of a gift (especially if you think you're pregnant).
OH and one more thing. Since we are talking about periods I thought I'd share another bit of information I learned about TSS. TSS, or toxic shock syndrome, is this vague and ambiguous fear that a lot of girls have when they use tampons. I hear "SHIT! It's been in for 10 hours!" all of the time, mostly from my own mouth.
Though it was originally believed to be true, the belief that tampons are a breeding site for TSS bacteria is a fallacy. This myth came to be believed when the RELY tampon (which used certain synthetic fibers that caused vaginal abrasions) began to be associated with TSS. It wasn't the tampon, it was the fibers. In other words, don't freak out if you forget to change your tampon. Your chances of getting TSS are 1000 times smaller than getting in a car wreck. So breath and don't believe.
Well it was great talking to you :-)
Always,
Your Kinseyette
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