For a woman, understanding the relationship between a man and his penis may be, if you pardon the pun, hard. We girls don’t have the junk necessary to fully experience what it is like to have a dangler between our legs, as all of our important personal belongings lay inside our bodies. It’s because of this that I have decided to delve into the sometimes overly emotional companionship between the penis, testicles, and the man himself.
Before I even start, I should probably bring up the fact that men do in fact take what lies below way too seriously. I should also say that this seriousness (and sometimes obsession) isn’t always their fault. There’s usually nothing wrong with a serious relationship, but sometimes a man’s member can come in between that man and, well, coming.
Men usually start and end their day in the same way: by touching their penis and testicles. According to numerous texts, this act of repetition has less to do with sexual stimulation and much more to do with self-affirmation. When I brought this up to Johnny last night (while his hands were in fact down his pants), all he had to say was, “No shit I touch my balls, I want to make sure they’re still there!”
Another interesting affirmation experience has to do with peeing. A man pees between six and eight times a day. Peeing for most men is seen as a ritual, as how he unzips, brings his penis out, holds said penis during the act, and even how he wags it after is usually done in the same way every single time. Moreover, women do not get the visual reinforcement that men do during the act of urination. A man can feel the sensations inside his body and see the simultaneous reaction outside. This hand-eye visual reinforcement isn’t usually present among women, as most women don’t even know where their urethra is (yes, boys, in case you didn’t know we do have not one, not two, but three holes down there).
Another basis of the dick-centered schema of the male species is the fact that in our society, gratifying and good sex is rated by how successful a man is at not only getting but also maintaining an erection. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a person, especially during something as technical and emotional as sex.
While along the topic of erections, I might as well note the wonderful experience of the “unwanted hard on”. This “UHO” is usually very much present first thing in the morning. These special morning surprises make it not only difficult to empty a beer-filled bladder, but it isn’t exactly a pleasant visual to share with housemates. As an adolescent these boners are usually greeted with frustration and anger. As the boy moves from 15 to 50 however, UHO’s are no longer a problem as a nice strong erection is anything but unwanted.
Women usually assume that a hard-on means that the owner is sexually aroused. This is a false assumption and can be easily disproved when looking at the UHO. Teenagers with wood in school are anything but turned on, as they ferverently try to mentally “talk themselves down.” Unless, of course, the smell of fresh chalk on a blackboard is found especially arousing, then go ahead and rage boner, just rage. Another example at the opposite spectrum is the common occurrence of whisky dick. In this case, the man is probably extremely aroused but his phallic extension won’t respond to the mental firings going on in his head. There are many situations when the dick doesn’t do what it’s owner wants, and it is because of this that we can’t always hold the man responsible for his irresponsible dick.
It may surprise most women how often a man feels some sort of excruciating pain in his testicles. Baseball, zippers (and other forms of pants-to-penis abuse), elbows, door handles, even bicycles are common culprits of the “grab-your-crotch-and-fall-to-your-knees-before-assuming-the-fetal-position” types of experiences. It is because of this that men have a special connection to their reproductive equipment. For girls this happens during menstruation, but again this occurs far less often and far between.
And of course, if all else fails, if the world is ending and if he is on the streets alone in the cold, a man will always have his penis and the wonderful sensations this object of lust and comfort can provide. Unless of course he doesn’t have his penis. Slap that on a cardboard sign, sir, and I will gladly donate a few dollars any day.
Dick-centeredness can sometimes mean that a man uses his hard penis as a way to mask other issues that are going on in his life. The women he has sex with are less women and more masturbation machines, and his penis is the basis of his masculinity. Sometimes, when the member is equivalent to masculinity in the mind of a man, the member will cause more damage that pleasure.
How can you easily spot a man who is more into his penis than pleasuring you (both emotionally and physically)? Those are the types of men that are self-involved, distant, and hard to get close to. It’s no wonder that we call these guys DICKS because it perfectly describes what their lives are about. A man who does not take his penis too seriously is the man who is into more than being the manliest male that has ever walked the planet. He has many different passions in life, and sex is an extension of your relationship, not the center of it.
Can you ever turn a dick-centered man into a normal human male? Absolutely not. No one has ever changed just because someone told them to or wished they would. So, in conclusion, keep you eyes out for the dicks in the world and always make sure that you are never a masturbation machine. Besides, sex is much to much fun to be wasted on dick alone.
Oh, and PS the average size of the male penis is 3.4 inches flaccid, 5 inches erect. Everyone always asks, so I am obliged to answer.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Monday, January 19, 2009
Friday, January 16, 2009
Jack... and JILL yelling PHIL!
Jack and Jill are perfect for one another (and I don’t just mean because of their names). They never fight and they seem to bring out the best in one another. The amount a couple fights isn’t always a perfect indication of the health of a relationship, since sometimes people are so afraid of one another that when they do have some serious issues, those issues will not be discussed (which is never a good thing). However, the fact that both Jack and Jill are happy not only on their own, but with each other, means that they have the most successful, fulfilling, and loving relationship possible for them.
That being said, today at lunch I learned a funny story about this power couple. It starts with them having sex, and ends with Jill calling out a name. Not Jack’s name, by the way, but I’m sure you figured that out already. Lets say this other lucky fellow has a name that is Phil, to protect his anonymity (and because Phil obviously rhymes with Jill, keeping the fairytale-like spirit alive). So there was Jack and Jill, mid act, doing their thing, you know, the dirty dirty, when BAM, Jill lets loose a name that is not associated with her boyfriend.
After laughing at choking on my bagel in response to hearing this story, I was able to ask Jack a couple of questions on his reaction. They went along the lines of, “How can you recover from that? What do you do next?!” His responses went along the lines of “You don’t. It was like, alright, see you tomorrow.” In other words, they laughed and lived on.
That got me thinking about the phenomenon of yelling someone else’s name in bed. How does one react to that situation without doing more damage? What causes this sensation? Stereotypically most people would be so thrilled to be having sex that calling out the name of someone you are not in bed with seems hard to do. I have done a little research and have found some personal responses to this very sticky situation. My favorite comes from an anonymous man. His response reflects the event if a man yells out another woman’s name during sex.
“This is a good example of how men if they were completely honest with their girlfriends, would be dumped in seconds. Everyone fantasizes about other people / animals / vegetables / inanimate objects when the lights are off and its completely healthy. Let's face it, having sex with the same person over an extended period of time can become routine and a little mental deviation can add a bit of excitement. I'm sure the first thing all the fellas who watch a Britney Spears video on TV are thinking, 'this is outrageous exploitation of women and I will write a letter complaining about this instant'. I don't think so. They are more likely thinking, 'I hope the girlfriend doesn’t come back too quick from work' and 'where’s the Kleenex'. Men are either pervs or healthy depending on your point of view. If it happens again, have a sense of humor, don’t doubt yourself so much, the guy is with you not her, and give him a slap and tell him if it happens again you will get the cuffs and whips out!! I'm sure that will improve things no end.”
That being said, so I agree with this anonymous male’s opinion? Some of it, yes. I do agree that sometimes sex lives get old and that mental fantasies are a healthy alternative, but that is rarely the case in college students just starting out on their sexual adventurousness.
My opinion? Sometimes brains “fart,” and its no surprise this happens doing something that is so physical and not so intellectual as sex. When you let your thinking brain go and let your body do the talking, there is nothing keeping random thoughts from bursting through your mouth.
How do you deal with it if your partner calls out someone else’s name? Well, firstly, if you can laugh it off then do it. If it is a first time/one time bit, there is nothing to worry about. Do me a huge favor and don’t assume your partner is cheating on you with the person he/she named. The start of accusations is the first sign of a failing relationship. By accusing her you are showing your partner that you don’t fully trust her. Moreover, if you don’t trust her completely, then how can you expect her to trust you?
If every time your partner reaches climax they yell out their bosses name, you may want to consider couples counseling or at least a very serious talk. Again, don’t make sudden accusations, especially mid-copulation, but there is a reason for the continuous outbursts so you should try to figure it out TOGETHER.
If you can’t finish sex after “the event,” don’t worry. Men are sensitive and sometimes after something like this happens, they just cant, well, deliver the way they normally can. The same goes to women, especially because our own personal mental control is what helps us ease into climax to begin with (and alternatively if we are distracted, a successful orgasm is even harder to achieve).
That being said, today at lunch I learned a funny story about this power couple. It starts with them having sex, and ends with Jill calling out a name. Not Jack’s name, by the way, but I’m sure you figured that out already. Lets say this other lucky fellow has a name that is Phil, to protect his anonymity (and because Phil obviously rhymes with Jill, keeping the fairytale-like spirit alive). So there was Jack and Jill, mid act, doing their thing, you know, the dirty dirty, when BAM, Jill lets loose a name that is not associated with her boyfriend.
After laughing at choking on my bagel in response to hearing this story, I was able to ask Jack a couple of questions on his reaction. They went along the lines of, “How can you recover from that? What do you do next?!” His responses went along the lines of “You don’t. It was like, alright, see you tomorrow.” In other words, they laughed and lived on.
That got me thinking about the phenomenon of yelling someone else’s name in bed. How does one react to that situation without doing more damage? What causes this sensation? Stereotypically most people would be so thrilled to be having sex that calling out the name of someone you are not in bed with seems hard to do. I have done a little research and have found some personal responses to this very sticky situation. My favorite comes from an anonymous man. His response reflects the event if a man yells out another woman’s name during sex.
“This is a good example of how men if they were completely honest with their girlfriends, would be dumped in seconds. Everyone fantasizes about other people / animals / vegetables / inanimate objects when the lights are off and its completely healthy. Let's face it, having sex with the same person over an extended period of time can become routine and a little mental deviation can add a bit of excitement. I'm sure the first thing all the fellas who watch a Britney Spears video on TV are thinking, 'this is outrageous exploitation of women and I will write a letter complaining about this instant'. I don't think so. They are more likely thinking, 'I hope the girlfriend doesn’t come back too quick from work' and 'where’s the Kleenex'. Men are either pervs or healthy depending on your point of view. If it happens again, have a sense of humor, don’t doubt yourself so much, the guy is with you not her, and give him a slap and tell him if it happens again you will get the cuffs and whips out!! I'm sure that will improve things no end.”
That being said, so I agree with this anonymous male’s opinion? Some of it, yes. I do agree that sometimes sex lives get old and that mental fantasies are a healthy alternative, but that is rarely the case in college students just starting out on their sexual adventurousness.
My opinion? Sometimes brains “fart,” and its no surprise this happens doing something that is so physical and not so intellectual as sex. When you let your thinking brain go and let your body do the talking, there is nothing keeping random thoughts from bursting through your mouth.
How do you deal with it if your partner calls out someone else’s name? Well, firstly, if you can laugh it off then do it. If it is a first time/one time bit, there is nothing to worry about. Do me a huge favor and don’t assume your partner is cheating on you with the person he/she named. The start of accusations is the first sign of a failing relationship. By accusing her you are showing your partner that you don’t fully trust her. Moreover, if you don’t trust her completely, then how can you expect her to trust you?
If every time your partner reaches climax they yell out their bosses name, you may want to consider couples counseling or at least a very serious talk. Again, don’t make sudden accusations, especially mid-copulation, but there is a reason for the continuous outbursts so you should try to figure it out TOGETHER.
If you can’t finish sex after “the event,” don’t worry. Men are sensitive and sometimes after something like this happens, they just cant, well, deliver the way they normally can. The same goes to women, especially because our own personal mental control is what helps us ease into climax to begin with (and alternatively if we are distracted, a successful orgasm is even harder to achieve).
and then he kissed me: an update on Delia and Dakota
Since last night was a night of many parties, I was sure that there’d be many-a-story to be told in the morning. And oh was I right. From a kiss with some major subtext, to the official labeling of a relationship, the night was filled with some new developments.
So I left off on the story of Delia and Tim with a bit of a stalemate: I was unsure of what was going on, and I think Delia was hesitant to tell me about what had happened. Last night, however, the stalemate ended. To say it ended doesn’t mean that many questions were answered, but that there was initiated contact. And a Kiss ☺ But first, I need to talk about Dakota.
Dakota also had a bit of a night. The guy she’s been seeing (and whom she has strongly been denying is her boyfriend) finally called the relationship official. How did he do it, you ask? Well, because Dakota made us late for the busses to the fraternity party (I am still bitter), we decided to catch a cab. To fill the time, Brock (her something) decided to buy some Boons and wait in the cold for the cab to show up. While walking and talking about who was going to pay for cab fare, Brock stated, “Who is paying?” When Dakota stated that she would, Brock responded with a, “Wow, I am such a moochy boyfriend.” Dakota would’ve missed it, but I sure didn’t. I started coughing uncontrollably, hoping that she would take the hint and rewind, review, and respond to what was just said, but she was oblivious. I explained to her after what had been said, and that was that.
This got me thinking about when the time is right to make a relationship official. In high school things were ALWAYS official. A guy wanting to have a girl as his girlfriend would just ask, “Do you want to go out with me?” and that’d be that. Everyone dated each other in high school, and sometimes being boyfriend/girlfriend just meant you could make out in the parking lot before school and not be judged.
In college, people can hook up, go on dates, and meet each others parents at the Columns Hotel for martini’s and still not call each other the “(insert gender)friend.” The way Brock went about making things official is cute and easy. Brock and Dakota have been seeing each other for a little while before Christmas break, and they get along great. We all figured it was just a matter of time before it happened. By just casually dropping the G word, Brock gently initiated the idea and concurrently made it stick.
Some girls prefer a discussion before the official has become official. These are the kinds of girls that usually “wear the pants,” and there’s nothing wrong with that. So guys, if you have a controlling type-A girl, make sure you discuss with her the idea of being exclusive before making the assumption. Who knows, your future lawyer girlfriend may have a few boyfriends on the side. To bring this up in conversation, simply ask her if she’d mind being called your girlfriend. If that is too awkward, go the Brock way, drop the word when with friends, and if she has a problem with it she will most definitely bring up the issue the next time you are alone. In other words, it can’t hurt.
We left for the party all single ladies, and before we even hit the venue we had a couple.
After we all went to the fraternity party downtown (and I subsequently went home), Delia and a couple of people went to the bar that Tim works for as a bouncer. When they got there, Delia said hi to her almost-something and went along like nothing was different. She told me she felt awkward being so close to him and all I could say was that it is to be expected after such a long period of no communication.
The whole evening they made small talk and small advancements were being made. By the end of the night, it was Delia and Tim in the middle of the Bar. She said that he was very touchy, very feely, and that he even kissed her in front of everyone. After that moment, he brought up the awkward by asking her to text him. She consequently brought up that it was HIM who didn’t respond to HER texts, and therefore he no has the wonderful responsibility to maintain communications.
Guys, if you really like a girl, don’t wait around for her to text you. Traditionally girls tend to wait around for the guy, so don’t make them wait. Girls, if you haven’t gotten a text from a guy your into for a couple of days, send him a little message asking him to PJs or Bruff, or even ask him if he is going to that party this weekend. If all else fails, type an inside joke onto his facebook wall or send him a funny bumpersticker. Make sure he knows you are there, as guys sometimes get so self-conscious about your interest that they would rather prevent embarrassment and not contact you.
After telling me their encounter, Delia seems pretty excited about the whole thing, and I am so happy for her. She deserves to be happy. I’m sure there will be many more developments with them, as well as with everyone.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
So I left off on the story of Delia and Tim with a bit of a stalemate: I was unsure of what was going on, and I think Delia was hesitant to tell me about what had happened. Last night, however, the stalemate ended. To say it ended doesn’t mean that many questions were answered, but that there was initiated contact. And a Kiss ☺ But first, I need to talk about Dakota.
Dakota also had a bit of a night. The guy she’s been seeing (and whom she has strongly been denying is her boyfriend) finally called the relationship official. How did he do it, you ask? Well, because Dakota made us late for the busses to the fraternity party (I am still bitter), we decided to catch a cab. To fill the time, Brock (her something) decided to buy some Boons and wait in the cold for the cab to show up. While walking and talking about who was going to pay for cab fare, Brock stated, “Who is paying?” When Dakota stated that she would, Brock responded with a, “Wow, I am such a moochy boyfriend.” Dakota would’ve missed it, but I sure didn’t. I started coughing uncontrollably, hoping that she would take the hint and rewind, review, and respond to what was just said, but she was oblivious. I explained to her after what had been said, and that was that.
This got me thinking about when the time is right to make a relationship official. In high school things were ALWAYS official. A guy wanting to have a girl as his girlfriend would just ask, “Do you want to go out with me?” and that’d be that. Everyone dated each other in high school, and sometimes being boyfriend/girlfriend just meant you could make out in the parking lot before school and not be judged.
In college, people can hook up, go on dates, and meet each others parents at the Columns Hotel for martini’s and still not call each other the “(insert gender)friend.” The way Brock went about making things official is cute and easy. Brock and Dakota have been seeing each other for a little while before Christmas break, and they get along great. We all figured it was just a matter of time before it happened. By just casually dropping the G word, Brock gently initiated the idea and concurrently made it stick.
Some girls prefer a discussion before the official has become official. These are the kinds of girls that usually “wear the pants,” and there’s nothing wrong with that. So guys, if you have a controlling type-A girl, make sure you discuss with her the idea of being exclusive before making the assumption. Who knows, your future lawyer girlfriend may have a few boyfriends on the side. To bring this up in conversation, simply ask her if she’d mind being called your girlfriend. If that is too awkward, go the Brock way, drop the word when with friends, and if she has a problem with it she will most definitely bring up the issue the next time you are alone. In other words, it can’t hurt.
We left for the party all single ladies, and before we even hit the venue we had a couple.
After we all went to the fraternity party downtown (and I subsequently went home), Delia and a couple of people went to the bar that Tim works for as a bouncer. When they got there, Delia said hi to her almost-something and went along like nothing was different. She told me she felt awkward being so close to him and all I could say was that it is to be expected after such a long period of no communication.
The whole evening they made small talk and small advancements were being made. By the end of the night, it was Delia and Tim in the middle of the Bar. She said that he was very touchy, very feely, and that he even kissed her in front of everyone. After that moment, he brought up the awkward by asking her to text him. She consequently brought up that it was HIM who didn’t respond to HER texts, and therefore he no has the wonderful responsibility to maintain communications.
Guys, if you really like a girl, don’t wait around for her to text you. Traditionally girls tend to wait around for the guy, so don’t make them wait. Girls, if you haven’t gotten a text from a guy your into for a couple of days, send him a little message asking him to PJs or Bruff, or even ask him if he is going to that party this weekend. If all else fails, type an inside joke onto his facebook wall or send him a funny bumpersticker. Make sure he knows you are there, as guys sometimes get so self-conscious about your interest that they would rather prevent embarrassment and not contact you.
After telling me their encounter, Delia seems pretty excited about the whole thing, and I am so happy for her. She deserves to be happy. I’m sure there will be many more developments with them, as well as with everyone.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Thursday, January 15, 2009
sweet home chicago breeds some pretty sweet friends
So since I have already described to you the protagonists of your journey throughout the sexuality of Tulane University, I think it is time I bring into the picture the people who will put college sex lives into a more national (and at times global) perspective. In this list are people from home, my best of friends from other universities, and those with a more worldy experience of sex. So without further temptation, here they are.
Chelsea is my best friend in the entire world. She is tiny, bubbly, and is always up for the best of times. Whether we are stealing flowers out of dumpsters or singing old songs in my car, I can always count on her to make me smile. The best part of Chelsea isn’t just her happiness: she has never judged me for anything I have ever done, which is a miracle seeing as judgement is usually the first sentiment I get from people when I tell them I want to be a sex therapist. Chelsea sits and listens to my stories about random sexcapades and contributes constantly. Having just gotten out of her longest relationship (which was the catalyst for the loosing of her virginity) means she is officially enjoying her first semester at her midwestern college as a single lady. I can only imagine the types of things she’ll do… and I cannot wait to find out.
Sandi is a talkshow host stuck in the body of a college student. She is always well put together, beautiful, and she is one of the funniest girls I have ever known. She keeps me grounded and is never afraid to compliment anyone (as long as they deserve the compliment :-D ). Sandi is one of those people who can effortlessly float between two groups of friends without any chaos, drama, or discomfort. She is strong, loud, and she is a complete asset in my life. I don't know much about her sex life other than that she has standards when most girls don't. She has promised to keep me updated on all the goings-on with her, with every bit of news and excitement coming from her camp I will grow more and more close to her.
Scarlet goes to school here at Tulane, but she’s been abroad in Europe for the past semester. She left for the eastern hemisphere an average virginal American girl, and came back smarter (and I mean more than just book smart) and more experienced. Her trip to Europe will be told to the envy of me, as I’m sure the same feeling will be felt by you.
Liam is an all-american athlete who has won state championships in the smallest speedo I have ever seen. Besides being a great athlete, he is devastatingly handsome, kind, a talented singer.. and gay. Liam was the first person I had ever known to come out of the closet, and since then I have had trouble controlling my word-vomitous compilation of questions I release upon him. I love learning about how gay sex works, how being one in a gay couple works, and how gays and straights have it easier/harder. Its hard for me to understand what life must be like for him, especially coming from a family of more traditional values. By using Liam as my liaison into the world of homosexuality, I am better equipped to help you boys still struggling with the hinges on your closet door.
Leah is one of my best friends from home. In high school she was prom queen, dance team captain, and at one point my boyfriend broke up with me because he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Right now? She’s pregnant and the tender age of 19 and she’s keeping her baby girl. Her life is set: her baby, soon-to-be husband, and a military life awaits her. What she is going through is the exact opposite of what most people experience here on campus. Her life is amidst a dramatic change that will end with Leah not only being a woman, but a wife and mother as well. Me and Leah have a unique relationship that is based on us both going through very similar personal experiences at a very young age. I feel like I can relate to her in a way that not many other people can, and because of this I feel this connection with her.
Lexi is sweet, adorable, and kind. Having been in a relationship with a younger guy for a while now, she has the whole boyfriend-sex base covered. Its like she’s the married one amongst our home friends. Sometimes it’s hard to share her, since, like most girls, it feels like she’ll chose her boyfriend over us if given the chance. The truth is that she means well, and the fact that she is in a serious committed relationship means I get to give her advice to try some pretty kinky and fun things that most non-committed girls would be hesitant to try.
Well that’s it for now, but I’m sure I’ll be holding another introductory session soon enough ☺
Always,
Kinseyette
Chelsea is my best friend in the entire world. She is tiny, bubbly, and is always up for the best of times. Whether we are stealing flowers out of dumpsters or singing old songs in my car, I can always count on her to make me smile. The best part of Chelsea isn’t just her happiness: she has never judged me for anything I have ever done, which is a miracle seeing as judgement is usually the first sentiment I get from people when I tell them I want to be a sex therapist. Chelsea sits and listens to my stories about random sexcapades and contributes constantly. Having just gotten out of her longest relationship (which was the catalyst for the loosing of her virginity) means she is officially enjoying her first semester at her midwestern college as a single lady. I can only imagine the types of things she’ll do… and I cannot wait to find out.
Sandi is a talkshow host stuck in the body of a college student. She is always well put together, beautiful, and she is one of the funniest girls I have ever known. She keeps me grounded and is never afraid to compliment anyone (as long as they deserve the compliment :-D ). Sandi is one of those people who can effortlessly float between two groups of friends without any chaos, drama, or discomfort. She is strong, loud, and she is a complete asset in my life. I don't know much about her sex life other than that she has standards when most girls don't. She has promised to keep me updated on all the goings-on with her, with every bit of news and excitement coming from her camp I will grow more and more close to her.
Scarlet goes to school here at Tulane, but she’s been abroad in Europe for the past semester. She left for the eastern hemisphere an average virginal American girl, and came back smarter (and I mean more than just book smart) and more experienced. Her trip to Europe will be told to the envy of me, as I’m sure the same feeling will be felt by you.
Liam is an all-american athlete who has won state championships in the smallest speedo I have ever seen. Besides being a great athlete, he is devastatingly handsome, kind, a talented singer.. and gay. Liam was the first person I had ever known to come out of the closet, and since then I have had trouble controlling my word-vomitous compilation of questions I release upon him. I love learning about how gay sex works, how being one in a gay couple works, and how gays and straights have it easier/harder. Its hard for me to understand what life must be like for him, especially coming from a family of more traditional values. By using Liam as my liaison into the world of homosexuality, I am better equipped to help you boys still struggling with the hinges on your closet door.
Leah is one of my best friends from home. In high school she was prom queen, dance team captain, and at one point my boyfriend broke up with me because he couldn’t stop thinking about her. Right now? She’s pregnant and the tender age of 19 and she’s keeping her baby girl. Her life is set: her baby, soon-to-be husband, and a military life awaits her. What she is going through is the exact opposite of what most people experience here on campus. Her life is amidst a dramatic change that will end with Leah not only being a woman, but a wife and mother as well. Me and Leah have a unique relationship that is based on us both going through very similar personal experiences at a very young age. I feel like I can relate to her in a way that not many other people can, and because of this I feel this connection with her.
Lexi is sweet, adorable, and kind. Having been in a relationship with a younger guy for a while now, she has the whole boyfriend-sex base covered. Its like she’s the married one amongst our home friends. Sometimes it’s hard to share her, since, like most girls, it feels like she’ll chose her boyfriend over us if given the chance. The truth is that she means well, and the fact that she is in a serious committed relationship means I get to give her advice to try some pretty kinky and fun things that most non-committed girls would be hesitant to try.
Well that’s it for now, but I’m sure I’ll be holding another introductory session soon enough ☺
Always,
Kinseyette
speaking of vulvas...
So for those of you who are interested in the interesting and strange aspects of sexual culture, I have a little present for you.
while in my research for the previous entry, i came upon an internet site advertising the "precious, vaginal odor" of a woman. yes, you read correctly. Vulva is the bottled essence of the female vagina. Interested in getting some? hit up http://www.smellmeand.com/index_2.html (get it? smell me and... com) and see for yourself.
Always
your Kinseyette
while in my research for the previous entry, i came upon an internet site advertising the "precious, vaginal odor" of a woman. yes, you read correctly. Vulva is the bottled essence of the female vagina. Interested in getting some? hit up http://www.smellmeand.com/index_2.html (get it? smell me and... com) and see for yourself.
Always
your Kinseyette
Awkward but informative: tips on vaginal health
So before I begin, I should probably explain some basics about the vagina. Firstly, when people refer to the vagina, they are most likely meaning to describe the vulva. The vulva is what you see from the outside, while the vagina is the inner tubing that the penis goes into and the baby comes out of. The vulva consists of a clitoral hood, the clitoral glans, the labia minora, labia majora, vaginal opening, and the mons pubis.
Wikipedia “vulva” and you will get some very graphic photos of the vulva and all it’s parts, including examples of the shaven and au natural vulva. Very interesting to look at, though I don’t get the point of the real-life photos as opposed to the normal drawings we have seen our whole lives. Not to mention I can’t even imagine how many early-pubescent boys have used that same Wikipedia page to not only explore the female vulva for the first time, but to explore themselves. But enough about that.
One way in which girls have the whole sex organ bit worse off than boys is that the female genetalia is much more likely to get infected than its male counterpart, also known as the penis. So I’ve compiled a couple of hints to keep you (and your kitty) happy and healthy.
Firstly, basic hygiene needs to be observed. That doesn’t mean, however, that you should be washing down there five times a day. In fact that is the opposite of what is suggested by gynecologists. Your vulva should be cleaned with soap once a day at the MOST. You should only use a bland bar or low Ph soaps on your down there area, and never use perfume, lotions, body washes or even shampoo as a special-spot cleanser. When washing your hair, lean over so there isn’t any run off in between your legs. If you don’t have any low Ph soap, just use water. Your vulva and vagina are excellent at cleaning themselves so don’t mess around with the natural flow of things (if you pardon the pun) by putting harsh chemicals on your sensitive areas. Moreover, NEVER scrub down there. It’s hard to change the notion that our sweet spots should be squeaky clean, but to ensure a healthier sex life, some new changes should be taken in stride.
Another act of personal hygiene that is imperative to good vulva health takes place during a different in-bathroom ritual: always wipe from front to back (you KNOW what I am talking about). Butt germs have no business being around your vulva, so don’t let it happen. Also, don’t use baby wipes or powders when you are done doing your thing. The less irritation to the area the better. If god intended your vajayjay to smell like jasmine or pine, you would have a jasmine plant and a pine tree growing out from between your legs.
I shouldn’t even have to say this, but I will just in case you haven’t gotten the memo. Do NOT douche. The chemicals are unbelievably harsh and abrasive and they damage your vulva and vaginal walls. The only time you may douche is if you are just ending your period and you are about to have sex, but do so with just warm water and without the chemical additives.
This may make a few people feel uncomfortable, but it is now my duty as a sex writer to talk about, well to put it bluntly, smells. Ladies, you know what is normal and what is not. Both men and women have sweat and apocrine glands embedded in their genatalia and when the owner of said genetalia experiences stress, the glands release some olfactory surprises that may not be pleasant. It is normal for vulvas to smell musky, it is not normal for them to smell bad. So if you experience some odors that are not normal, it may be time to make that dreaded but needed appointment with your gynocologist.
One common and mostly unknown cause of certain smells (that is completely normal) is what happens when a sexual relationship first begins. As his junk gets used to your junk, sometimes new and unexpected smells can be experienced. Don’t worry, its nothing bad and it is in no way a precursor to a bad relationship. Our bodies just need to get used to one another and this is one sign of that acclamation.
Now that we have gone over basic hygiene, it’s time we turn to how you dress your now clean lady bits. In our day and age, the panty line show is a fasion faux pas that few people can get away with without criticism. It is because of this that thongs are all the rage. Many people, when the choice is between wearing a thong, a pad, and going commando, usually choose the thong or putting a pad inside their pants sans underwear. I am here to tell you that both of those choices are not as good at the third: please please ladies, if contemplating the choice, go commando. Thongs are very abrasive and actually tear up the vulva. Pads tend to trap in moisture and they irritate the vulva as well.
Going commando is prescribed for many women, especially those prone to yeast infections. By sleeping without underwear and letting your lower parts breathe, you increase circulation to the area and in turn, increase the health of your sex trove.
If you can’t go commando, wear 100% cotton underwear. Don’t be confused by nylon underwear with cotton crotches because they trap moisture regardless. If you wear pantyhose, try using the thigh high models that keep your v-spot free and airy. When you wash your underthings, use mild, unscented soap and detergents. Don’t use dryer sheets on your underwear because they deposite a filmy residue that can be rubbed off onto skin.
Now that you know how to clean, dress, and all-together take care of your most sensitive and special place, turn the lesson into practice and take your panties off.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Wikipedia “vulva” and you will get some very graphic photos of the vulva and all it’s parts, including examples of the shaven and au natural vulva. Very interesting to look at, though I don’t get the point of the real-life photos as opposed to the normal drawings we have seen our whole lives. Not to mention I can’t even imagine how many early-pubescent boys have used that same Wikipedia page to not only explore the female vulva for the first time, but to explore themselves. But enough about that.
One way in which girls have the whole sex organ bit worse off than boys is that the female genetalia is much more likely to get infected than its male counterpart, also known as the penis. So I’ve compiled a couple of hints to keep you (and your kitty) happy and healthy.
Firstly, basic hygiene needs to be observed. That doesn’t mean, however, that you should be washing down there five times a day. In fact that is the opposite of what is suggested by gynecologists. Your vulva should be cleaned with soap once a day at the MOST. You should only use a bland bar or low Ph soaps on your down there area, and never use perfume, lotions, body washes or even shampoo as a special-spot cleanser. When washing your hair, lean over so there isn’t any run off in between your legs. If you don’t have any low Ph soap, just use water. Your vulva and vagina are excellent at cleaning themselves so don’t mess around with the natural flow of things (if you pardon the pun) by putting harsh chemicals on your sensitive areas. Moreover, NEVER scrub down there. It’s hard to change the notion that our sweet spots should be squeaky clean, but to ensure a healthier sex life, some new changes should be taken in stride.
Another act of personal hygiene that is imperative to good vulva health takes place during a different in-bathroom ritual: always wipe from front to back (you KNOW what I am talking about). Butt germs have no business being around your vulva, so don’t let it happen. Also, don’t use baby wipes or powders when you are done doing your thing. The less irritation to the area the better. If god intended your vajayjay to smell like jasmine or pine, you would have a jasmine plant and a pine tree growing out from between your legs.
I shouldn’t even have to say this, but I will just in case you haven’t gotten the memo. Do NOT douche. The chemicals are unbelievably harsh and abrasive and they damage your vulva and vaginal walls. The only time you may douche is if you are just ending your period and you are about to have sex, but do so with just warm water and without the chemical additives.
This may make a few people feel uncomfortable, but it is now my duty as a sex writer to talk about, well to put it bluntly, smells. Ladies, you know what is normal and what is not. Both men and women have sweat and apocrine glands embedded in their genatalia and when the owner of said genetalia experiences stress, the glands release some olfactory surprises that may not be pleasant. It is normal for vulvas to smell musky, it is not normal for them to smell bad. So if you experience some odors that are not normal, it may be time to make that dreaded but needed appointment with your gynocologist.
One common and mostly unknown cause of certain smells (that is completely normal) is what happens when a sexual relationship first begins. As his junk gets used to your junk, sometimes new and unexpected smells can be experienced. Don’t worry, its nothing bad and it is in no way a precursor to a bad relationship. Our bodies just need to get used to one another and this is one sign of that acclamation.
Now that we have gone over basic hygiene, it’s time we turn to how you dress your now clean lady bits. In our day and age, the panty line show is a fasion faux pas that few people can get away with without criticism. It is because of this that thongs are all the rage. Many people, when the choice is between wearing a thong, a pad, and going commando, usually choose the thong or putting a pad inside their pants sans underwear. I am here to tell you that both of those choices are not as good at the third: please please ladies, if contemplating the choice, go commando. Thongs are very abrasive and actually tear up the vulva. Pads tend to trap in moisture and they irritate the vulva as well.
Going commando is prescribed for many women, especially those prone to yeast infections. By sleeping without underwear and letting your lower parts breathe, you increase circulation to the area and in turn, increase the health of your sex trove.
If you can’t go commando, wear 100% cotton underwear. Don’t be confused by nylon underwear with cotton crotches because they trap moisture regardless. If you wear pantyhose, try using the thigh high models that keep your v-spot free and airy. When you wash your underthings, use mild, unscented soap and detergents. Don’t use dryer sheets on your underwear because they deposite a filmy residue that can be rubbed off onto skin.
Now that you know how to clean, dress, and all-together take care of your most sensitive and special place, turn the lesson into practice and take your panties off.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
my poor roommate: why i watch porn
Over the development of my sexual identity, I have been a skeptic, a neophyte, and even a die-hard feminist. I have questioned my beliefs, sanity, and even my sexuality. I have read and interpreted so many views of Feminism and sex that sometimes it is difficult to differentiate my own beliefs and thoughts from those of Mary Wollstonecraft, Kinsey, Lucy Stone, and even Abigail Adams.
It is time to stay honest. And what am I going to be talking about so truthfully? What opinions am I going to express? To help juxtapose my truth with a modern and accessible institution, I am going to talk about video pornography. I will be talking not out of my ass, but from my own opinions. It just so happens, maybe unfortunately, that my opinions go against most of the opinions i have been provided with throughout my academic career as a feminist. Some might see that as a problem: I only see an opportunity. I am going to describe my own feeling towards video pornography, as well as how I feel this media fits into the modern feminist perspective of the world.
Before I even go on, I must explain a few things. Firstly, I realize that throughout the rest of this essay I will use the term “sexual aberrations” several times. I want to clarify what I mean by this. I do not mean that having uniquely sexual fantasies or having fetishes is a bad thing, because it is not at all. Who is to judge anybody today and say his or her differences are negative. I only use the term as a describer for the idea of sexual fantasies, fetishes, and practices that are outside the societal norm today. Moreover, I feel the need to describe the title of this essay. My roommate is “poor” because she has had to spend the last couple nights in our room, trying to do chemistry homework while I have porn on high volume blaring on my computer screen. It didn’t take long before she began to elect doing her chemistry in the library instead.
So lets get down to the dirty stuff: What is pornography, and why is it so controversial? The history of pornography starts with the name: pornography literally means the written record of a prostitute. Pornography may be defined as a number of different medias, including printed literature, photos, sculpture, drawing, painting, animation, sound recording, film, video, and videogames. Ironically, sex shows and stripping are not considered pornography since “live action” is excluded form the definition. It isn’t hard to understand why pornography, especially certain types of video pornography, is controversial. Watching others have sex via video pornography, no matter how arousing, embarrasses populations of people. I should say especially if it is arousing. People have an uncanny ability to deny what arouses them.
There have been many movements that are geared towards the abolition of pornography. It isn’t a matter of selective abolition, like the anti child-pornography crusades (which I completely agree with). Anti-porn groups are stripping the legitimacy of large mainstream porn companies and helping aid the definition of porn as a dirty, violence and sex-crime creating institution. Porn stars are considered whores (which by definition they are) and the porn industry is considered an anomaly: an anomaly that grosses billions of dollars each year. In fact, the porn industry has been deemed one of the only institutions not affected by the current economic recession.
So, in a world in which porn is as easy to find as a recipe to bake classic-style chocolate chip cookies, what’s with all the uproar? One could state religion, but arguing with religion is just too complicated. The largest argument against porn is actually the idea that violent porn and other original genre porn leads to sexual aberrations and violent behaviors. Moreover, women feel threatened by pornography because they deem is as a standard too high to achieve, both physically and, well, actually. I’ll touch on that later.
While I do believe that viewers of violent porn probably have a tendency towards violence to begin with, I do not think that porn industries should be punished. In fact, I applaud the video porn industry for furthering the sexual revolution. I wholeheartedly do not feel that pornography should be outlawed or deemed inappropriate for the public because I think that pornography is a healthy thing, a necessity that prevents violence by letting it’s viewers live out certain fantasies in a safe environment that may be inappropriate or even dangerous in real life.
Many people have been able to live out their secret sexual fantasies through pornography, and how could that ever be a bad thing? Vicarious fulfillment of fantasy is a much better alternative than first-hand experience, especially when the fantasy revolves around violence towards women. It is when fantasy and reality converge that violence occurs.
I once read in an old psychology today that new studies had been published stating that dreams are the body’s way of living out its own personal goals that it knows will not come true. Ever had a dream about winning the lottery? That is your body’s way of living out that fantasy so you can feel fulfilled and you wont drop out of work and pursue a career as a professional lotto player. Dreams help ease obsessions, guilt, and even pain. People have dreams about those who have died and the pain is alleviated; you have a dream you got an A on a test so you stop stressing. In my opinion, pornography is the dream of sexual aberrations. Pornography is how people with this yearning and desires deal with the pain of not being able to experience what they truly want to experience first hand.
People will go to great lengths to satisfy their sexual desires. For example, lets look at the case of Mr. Hands. Mr. Hands is the online handle for a man made famous by dying living out his own personal sexual fantasy. Mr. Hands, or Kenneth Pinyan, was just an average American man who enjoyed engaging in sexual activities with full-sized stallions. He would occasionally film his nights with horses and he would distribute these videos among other people who felt the same sexual urge, but didn’t want to risk having sex with horses. One night, the sex went wrong and Pinyan was fatally injured. My point in this story is that it is much safer and “more socially acceptable” to watch someone else have sex with a horse than to try it yourself. For example, in today’s society, violence in men is supported, but when a man wants to pick a fight in a socially acceptable situation, he takes up boxing. He uses the non-social behavior and conforms it to a more socially acceptable one. The same could be said for men and women who watch pornography.
Porn, like most things in life, can only be what the person experiencing it makes of it. For example, who would’ve though those Beatles songs would elicit such a strong response in Charles Manson to the point that he would condone and practice murderous activities? The argument against porn is the same as the argument against violent television and movies. In my own opinion, and this may piss off a lot of people, I truly believe that it takes something from within someone to take a vicarious experience and wish to make it a real one. Don’t get me wrong, there have been many times that I’ve watched movies about an action hero or a drug addict and wished I could either fight crime or live the life of a strung-out loser, but there is always apart of me that says, “this isn’t real.”
Many will argue that violent porn, or “rape” porn contributes to the violence that is geared towards women. While I do agree that if interpreted incorrectly this might be the case, I want to clear up how easy it is to not make that mistake. Most violent porn videos are clearly not intended to be offensive, and most have the word “Fantasy” in the title. The porn industry doesn’t want to condone violence; it is just a supply and demand chain that demands the supply of more and more violent pornography.
In Judith Lorber’s essay “Night to his Day:” the Social Construction of Gender, Lorber examines the idea that gender (like culture itself) is in fact human made and it depends wholly on everyone “doing gender.” She also says “genders are not attached to a biological substratum.” This is most clearly seen in transvestites and transsexuals constructing their chosen gender by “doing” it: walking, talking, acting, and dressing like their desired gender. This gender construction starts, according to Lorber, at birth and on the basis of what their genitals look like. This is called “sex category.” After this fateful discovery, the baby itself is made into their “gender status” by dress, name, and adorations. Pink is the color for girls, while blue is the color for boys; I’ve known that rule my entire life.
It is this idea of GENDER, of being able to experience sex as ANOTHER GENDER that makes porn so appealing. By watching pornography, a girl can live vicariously through the male character as well as the female character. Women can explore their own sexuality by experimenting with lesbian porn, and the same could be said for men and gay porn. To clarify, just because you are gay and enjoy heterosexual porn does not make you a closeted heterosexual: that is the point of pornography; it is a fantasy world where you can be whoever you want and have sex with whomever, however, and whenever you want.
The beauty ideal of pornography can be defined as a genre of beauty. In video porn, the women are always beautiful with big chests, flat stomachs, and perfect teeth and hair. Some women argue that porn makes an unrealistic image and goal of women that can never be achieved, and therefore it is a bad thing. They say that they make men feel that what is beautiful is a sexually aggressive woman. I argue that it is the complete opposite. I much rather my boyfriend or husband watch porn with a perfect blonde bimbo he know he can never have then actually run around in real life. I keep repeating myself but this is a point I am trying to drive home: pornography is a fantasy, and sometimes fantasies have a way of trying to become realities. By living out fantasies vicariously, we can help prevent real-life issues from happening.
I am not naive. I know that child porn is inappropriate, and that encouragement of desensitization, human trafficking, and dehumanization is wrong. My goal is to not support the previous discrepancies: I only want to share my beliefs. For me it is as simple as this: Why should anyone feel like his or her sexual aberrations are anything but normal? Sex itself is an activity that is exactly what the doer makes of it. It’s ambiguous and it comes in so many sizes, shapes, and forms. I believe that it is this fundamental thought, the idea of being able to be yourself in a way that makes you happy, that is an important aspect of feminism and in life itself. I have learned so much in my academic career, but most importantly I have learned that it is ok, nay, it is imperative, that I stick up for what I believe in no matter what the odds are or no matter what the subject. I feel like when I stick up for myself, for my beliefs, for my body, and for my morals, I am being the best feminist I can be. By juxtaposing this feminist ideal to the idea of pornography, how could there even be any bad taste left in your mouth? Sex can be violent, sex can be creepy, and sex can be lovely. Sex can also be a fantasy, and this fantasy is what drives the pornography business to success. As long as there are sexual aberrations and unique fetishes, the porn industry will always reign supreme. Judge not thy neighbor, because you can never be too sure when something strange and unusual might turn you on, too.
It is time to stay honest. And what am I going to be talking about so truthfully? What opinions am I going to express? To help juxtapose my truth with a modern and accessible institution, I am going to talk about video pornography. I will be talking not out of my ass, but from my own opinions. It just so happens, maybe unfortunately, that my opinions go against most of the opinions i have been provided with throughout my academic career as a feminist. Some might see that as a problem: I only see an opportunity. I am going to describe my own feeling towards video pornography, as well as how I feel this media fits into the modern feminist perspective of the world.
Before I even go on, I must explain a few things. Firstly, I realize that throughout the rest of this essay I will use the term “sexual aberrations” several times. I want to clarify what I mean by this. I do not mean that having uniquely sexual fantasies or having fetishes is a bad thing, because it is not at all. Who is to judge anybody today and say his or her differences are negative. I only use the term as a describer for the idea of sexual fantasies, fetishes, and practices that are outside the societal norm today. Moreover, I feel the need to describe the title of this essay. My roommate is “poor” because she has had to spend the last couple nights in our room, trying to do chemistry homework while I have porn on high volume blaring on my computer screen. It didn’t take long before she began to elect doing her chemistry in the library instead.
So lets get down to the dirty stuff: What is pornography, and why is it so controversial? The history of pornography starts with the name: pornography literally means the written record of a prostitute. Pornography may be defined as a number of different medias, including printed literature, photos, sculpture, drawing, painting, animation, sound recording, film, video, and videogames. Ironically, sex shows and stripping are not considered pornography since “live action” is excluded form the definition. It isn’t hard to understand why pornography, especially certain types of video pornography, is controversial. Watching others have sex via video pornography, no matter how arousing, embarrasses populations of people. I should say especially if it is arousing. People have an uncanny ability to deny what arouses them.
There have been many movements that are geared towards the abolition of pornography. It isn’t a matter of selective abolition, like the anti child-pornography crusades (which I completely agree with). Anti-porn groups are stripping the legitimacy of large mainstream porn companies and helping aid the definition of porn as a dirty, violence and sex-crime creating institution. Porn stars are considered whores (which by definition they are) and the porn industry is considered an anomaly: an anomaly that grosses billions of dollars each year. In fact, the porn industry has been deemed one of the only institutions not affected by the current economic recession.
So, in a world in which porn is as easy to find as a recipe to bake classic-style chocolate chip cookies, what’s with all the uproar? One could state religion, but arguing with religion is just too complicated. The largest argument against porn is actually the idea that violent porn and other original genre porn leads to sexual aberrations and violent behaviors. Moreover, women feel threatened by pornography because they deem is as a standard too high to achieve, both physically and, well, actually. I’ll touch on that later.
While I do believe that viewers of violent porn probably have a tendency towards violence to begin with, I do not think that porn industries should be punished. In fact, I applaud the video porn industry for furthering the sexual revolution. I wholeheartedly do not feel that pornography should be outlawed or deemed inappropriate for the public because I think that pornography is a healthy thing, a necessity that prevents violence by letting it’s viewers live out certain fantasies in a safe environment that may be inappropriate or even dangerous in real life.
Many people have been able to live out their secret sexual fantasies through pornography, and how could that ever be a bad thing? Vicarious fulfillment of fantasy is a much better alternative than first-hand experience, especially when the fantasy revolves around violence towards women. It is when fantasy and reality converge that violence occurs.
I once read in an old psychology today that new studies had been published stating that dreams are the body’s way of living out its own personal goals that it knows will not come true. Ever had a dream about winning the lottery? That is your body’s way of living out that fantasy so you can feel fulfilled and you wont drop out of work and pursue a career as a professional lotto player. Dreams help ease obsessions, guilt, and even pain. People have dreams about those who have died and the pain is alleviated; you have a dream you got an A on a test so you stop stressing. In my opinion, pornography is the dream of sexual aberrations. Pornography is how people with this yearning and desires deal with the pain of not being able to experience what they truly want to experience first hand.
People will go to great lengths to satisfy their sexual desires. For example, lets look at the case of Mr. Hands. Mr. Hands is the online handle for a man made famous by dying living out his own personal sexual fantasy. Mr. Hands, or Kenneth Pinyan, was just an average American man who enjoyed engaging in sexual activities with full-sized stallions. He would occasionally film his nights with horses and he would distribute these videos among other people who felt the same sexual urge, but didn’t want to risk having sex with horses. One night, the sex went wrong and Pinyan was fatally injured. My point in this story is that it is much safer and “more socially acceptable” to watch someone else have sex with a horse than to try it yourself. For example, in today’s society, violence in men is supported, but when a man wants to pick a fight in a socially acceptable situation, he takes up boxing. He uses the non-social behavior and conforms it to a more socially acceptable one. The same could be said for men and women who watch pornography.
Porn, like most things in life, can only be what the person experiencing it makes of it. For example, who would’ve though those Beatles songs would elicit such a strong response in Charles Manson to the point that he would condone and practice murderous activities? The argument against porn is the same as the argument against violent television and movies. In my own opinion, and this may piss off a lot of people, I truly believe that it takes something from within someone to take a vicarious experience and wish to make it a real one. Don’t get me wrong, there have been many times that I’ve watched movies about an action hero or a drug addict and wished I could either fight crime or live the life of a strung-out loser, but there is always apart of me that says, “this isn’t real.”
Many will argue that violent porn, or “rape” porn contributes to the violence that is geared towards women. While I do agree that if interpreted incorrectly this might be the case, I want to clear up how easy it is to not make that mistake. Most violent porn videos are clearly not intended to be offensive, and most have the word “Fantasy” in the title. The porn industry doesn’t want to condone violence; it is just a supply and demand chain that demands the supply of more and more violent pornography.
In Judith Lorber’s essay “Night to his Day:” the Social Construction of Gender, Lorber examines the idea that gender (like culture itself) is in fact human made and it depends wholly on everyone “doing gender.” She also says “genders are not attached to a biological substratum.” This is most clearly seen in transvestites and transsexuals constructing their chosen gender by “doing” it: walking, talking, acting, and dressing like their desired gender. This gender construction starts, according to Lorber, at birth and on the basis of what their genitals look like. This is called “sex category.” After this fateful discovery, the baby itself is made into their “gender status” by dress, name, and adorations. Pink is the color for girls, while blue is the color for boys; I’ve known that rule my entire life.
It is this idea of GENDER, of being able to experience sex as ANOTHER GENDER that makes porn so appealing. By watching pornography, a girl can live vicariously through the male character as well as the female character. Women can explore their own sexuality by experimenting with lesbian porn, and the same could be said for men and gay porn. To clarify, just because you are gay and enjoy heterosexual porn does not make you a closeted heterosexual: that is the point of pornography; it is a fantasy world where you can be whoever you want and have sex with whomever, however, and whenever you want.
The beauty ideal of pornography can be defined as a genre of beauty. In video porn, the women are always beautiful with big chests, flat stomachs, and perfect teeth and hair. Some women argue that porn makes an unrealistic image and goal of women that can never be achieved, and therefore it is a bad thing. They say that they make men feel that what is beautiful is a sexually aggressive woman. I argue that it is the complete opposite. I much rather my boyfriend or husband watch porn with a perfect blonde bimbo he know he can never have then actually run around in real life. I keep repeating myself but this is a point I am trying to drive home: pornography is a fantasy, and sometimes fantasies have a way of trying to become realities. By living out fantasies vicariously, we can help prevent real-life issues from happening.
I am not naive. I know that child porn is inappropriate, and that encouragement of desensitization, human trafficking, and dehumanization is wrong. My goal is to not support the previous discrepancies: I only want to share my beliefs. For me it is as simple as this: Why should anyone feel like his or her sexual aberrations are anything but normal? Sex itself is an activity that is exactly what the doer makes of it. It’s ambiguous and it comes in so many sizes, shapes, and forms. I believe that it is this fundamental thought, the idea of being able to be yourself in a way that makes you happy, that is an important aspect of feminism and in life itself. I have learned so much in my academic career, but most importantly I have learned that it is ok, nay, it is imperative, that I stick up for what I believe in no matter what the odds are or no matter what the subject. I feel like when I stick up for myself, for my beliefs, for my body, and for my morals, I am being the best feminist I can be. By juxtaposing this feminist ideal to the idea of pornography, how could there even be any bad taste left in your mouth? Sex can be violent, sex can be creepy, and sex can be lovely. Sex can also be a fantasy, and this fantasy is what drives the pornography business to success. As long as there are sexual aberrations and unique fetishes, the porn industry will always reign supreme. Judge not thy neighbor, because you can never be too sure when something strange and unusual might turn you on, too.
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