So I have experienced something pretty interesting over the past week. It started out as an epiphany and has turned into something so large I can’t keep it in my head anymore. Over the past seven days, I have spent time with five different girlfriends, all of whom I have had to watch cry hysterically and from the heart over a boy. That number doesn’t include two nights ago when I was the one in need of some serious comforting. All five of these women are incredibly beautiful, intelligent, and wonderful, and all six of us were capable of loving in such a way that even our toes and the ends of each strand of hair reacted to the feeling. The higher you are, the harder you fall. The harder you fall, the more pain you feel.
A year ago I was undergoing observation. For seven days I was hooked up to a computer through electrodes in my brain. These electrodes recorded every single electrical impulse that shot through my head, from the excitement when my family showed up and visited to the pain when I got stuck with yet another needle. Though you could see these slight alterations in my normal brain rhythms, they were pretty lame, not very visible and all around lousy. The only time that my brain showed any seriously remarkable fluctuations was when my best friend would call me. Every time my phone would play this one certain ring tone all the machines began to buzz their warning tones because the computers thought I was going into some sort of altered state.
My best friend? He’s a boy, and his name is Dean. I didn’t realize until that hospital stay when every time he called the warning buzzers would go off that I was seriously in love with him. Not only did my brain waves fluctuate but my heart rate would increase almost immediately and a smile would rip across my face when I would hear his voice. My head couldn’t keep up with my heart and it’s because of that that I wasted way too much time not thinking about him the way I wanted to think about him. Sometimes you have to listen to your heart, literally. Love affects more than what you expect. It goes deeper than anyone can even try to understand. People see pictures of their ex-lovers decades later and can still remember what he smelled like, what her voice sounded like, what it felt like when they walked into the room. That’s the mini-lesson within this big one. Don’t try to make love a little thing, because life is love. To love is to live.
As it turns out, that boy who made my heart literally race and who made me smile so wide is the same boy who made me feel like the world was ending all but 48 hours ago. It’s funny how things like that happen. People fall in and out of love like it means nothing, ignoring the pain that most definitely means something. If more people paid attention to what hurts then we’d have a lot more people holding hands on campus then crying on benches or in the grass in front of Newcomb Hall.
Last night, Alina was on one of those benches crying over a boy. She was hurting in such a way that I felt it before I even saw her. I could read it in her texts; I could hear it in her voice. It was all because of Leo.
She had been seeing Leo casually for about a month, and we were all so excited for her. After years of lame relationships and boys who had more crazy than Tyra, it seemed like this one was going to go her way.
Last night Leo texted Alina. After a week of being flakey he texted her to tell her that “things were crazy” for him right now and that “he couldn’t talk about it” at the moment. For Alina, it was every past relationship repeated. A boy being sketchy. Her feelings being hurt.
Sitting with her, watching her cry, it became very clear to me that miscommunication or no communication is worse than lying. Here she was crying because she had no idea what was going on. Was he going to be like all the rest? Was he going to hurt her like the others? She had no idea and it was because he didn’t give her any clue. So here’s a new rule for you to apply to your life and your way of loving: If you are going through something, go through it. Involve someone either fully or not at all, but don’t be vague because vague is scary. It’s scary and it’s weird and it’s lonely. Say, “things are fine with us, but there’s something going on with my family” or “there were things going on before I met you, but now that I have you I want you to know that those things haven’t gone away.” You don’t have to tell everything, but please, say something.
It’s because I didn’t tell Dean the whole truth that he said what he said to make my world crash around me. I still don’t know if I was in the wrong, but I am learning from my mistakes. Alina is learning too, just the hard way.
As she cried, Alina began to talk about everything that had ever hurt her pertaining to love. She talked and cried and sobbed and as she unraveled the deepest seeded issue began to sprout. Once it sprouted, I could see it, and once she saw it, she said it. “I am never going to find someone. No one will ever love me.” No. one. Will. Ever. Love. me. Those five meaningless words and that one most meaningful word strung together like that have been said over and over by men and women everywhere.
48 hours ago I was on the phone with Alina and I was the one repeating the six words of disparity. No one will ever love me. No one will ever. Ever. Love. Me. The kind of pain that goes along with saying those words out loud and believing them cannot be understood, and that feeling is one of the worst feelings I have ever felt. My world was crumbling. Everything looked the same to everyone else, but to me the world was wrong, it was cold, and it was foreign. Heartache takes many forms, but no matter what the form the pain is the same, and the pain is real.
Though it’s horrible and gross, it is necessary for us to learn how important love is. By feeling the pain we appreciate the pleasure, and we learn lessons through every heartache and heartbreak. It may feel like you are dying, but you’re not. And what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
For me, things are already looking up. I have moved on from feeling everything to feeling just one thing: content. I don't feel any pain right now, I don't even feel the urge to make phone calls or send texts. I'm not checking my phone a hundred times or facebook stalking. I am finally living my life free of fear, having fun, and enjoying the view up here where being happy is an every moment state of existence. I'm moving on. Finally!
I know Alina is going to find someone and when she does, I know that it is going to be real. Everyone finds someone. The timing may not be right. The situation may not be ideal but the love is real.
Alina, I know that you said that for 22 years your life has been without love, but you are wrong. Look at all the people around you who love you. We may not be the right person and the love may not be what you are looking for, but it's love. You are going to feel it. When you feel it I know you are going to call me and tell me and we are going to laugh about how funny it was when we thought we would never find it. We'll be eachothers' maids of honor and when we give our toasts, this very subject will open the monologue. It's going to happen not because any of us says so, but because it is INEVITABLE and CONSEQUENTIAL. Love comes in waves, so just sit on the beach and get some sun until the tide comes in.
Love is life, and growth extends from love. Talk more, feel more, and forgive more. You’ll be surprised how easy everything else seems to come.
Your Kinseyette
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
Cute furniture, sexy undertones
So I came upon this website that had furniture that doubled as pleasure devices. I thought I might share with you what I found :-)
Always,
Your Kinseyette
http://www.fastcompany.com/blog/michael-cannell/cannell/milan-preview-love-design
Always,
Your Kinseyette
http://www.fastcompany.com/blog/michael-cannell/cannell/milan-preview-love-design
Monday, April 6, 2009
A wonderful surprise
This is an email I got, and I decided I HAD to share this. I hope it touches you like it touched me.
Kinseyette-- I have great news. Possibly the greatest news I've had in a long time. Of course, I told my girls but I wanted to share it with you too.
About a month ago, I was casually dating this guy and everything was... well, fantastic. except one little thing. and its going to sound ridiculous, but I knew things weren't going to work out because he kept telling me how sexy I was. This is something I have never believed to be true about myself. I have never been "sexy" in my entire life; I am always the cute one, or the pretty one, or the one with the great smile. I love being that girl.
When things went south, despite what actually happened, I knew that the sexy issue was at the root and I was the only one who could to fix it. What scared me more was the fact that if i didn't fix it, it could ruin another great relationship in the future. I kept telling myself to email you and ask you what to do, ask you what makes a girl sexy, how do i feel sexy? for some girls its putting on a pair of heels or beautiful lingerie but that has never done it for me -- they just make me feel fun.
I have some of the most beautiful friends, but they are in the same boat too and that's why I'm telling you my little story. Girls -- Sexy is not just a Victoria Secrets Model with 0% body fat, and double D's. Boys say Playboy models and porn stars are sexy, but that's just a fantasy and lets be honest -- we have them too. Those girls are flat on a page, or on the computer. Their isn't any interaction. Sexy isn't about height, or weight or how great your boobs are. I am really tall, not all that skinny and have no boobs. But i have this kind of control. I don't know if I can fully explain it. Someone told me a long time ago that sexy is an attitude, you have to exude sexiness. I did not know what the hell they were talking about. Dancing on Saturday night, it all came to me. I had a great time, and as we all sometimes do, I went home that night with someone I shouldn't have. Usually, I exhibit pretty good self control, but somewhere in my drunken state, I let myself go. Something changed inside of me. We weren't grinding away or anything, but instead, would dance really close and he would spin me all around. I knew him pretty well. He always carried himself like such a tough guy, he's not your love-able, hug-able, squeeze-able guy friend. He's a mans man, beer in hand, football playing guy. But Saturday, he was like puddy in my hand. He wanted it, he wanted me and I was in control -- I was the one who decided what he got. I revealed a different side of him.
All day Sunday, I had the worst hangover of my life. I live my life with no regrets because they don't help anything. Inside my pounding head, I was regretting the night before. That's when the last guy i dated came back to me. Its always the ones with a little bit of sass that get me (and its probably my downfall.) He was always just a little pouty, but if I looked at him just the right way, he cracked the biggest grin, gave me that, "ohgod, I wasn't going to smile but you got me again" look and... well... there went our clothes. At least for me, sexy is my power to melt off that brooding, tough, or sassy exterior with a look, a smile or a kiss. That's when I stopped regretting the night before. I found another part of me.
I feel like a whole new woman. Just living life is a little more fun now. I have always loved to people watch and this just puts a new spin on things. I would also like to note that this is a major step for me. About three years ago, I ended a serious relationship -- but also an abusive relationship and I have really allowed myself to get involved with a guy since then. Maybe that is why, for me, being sexy is about being in control. Its been a long road, some major healing and forgiveness, soul searching and life changes, but I am finally coming into my own. I can't even tell you how excited I am to just go live.
It was about damn time I got out of my rut.
have fun. be fearless.
love, s
Kinseyette-- I have great news. Possibly the greatest news I've had in a long time. Of course, I told my girls but I wanted to share it with you too.
About a month ago, I was casually dating this guy and everything was... well, fantastic. except one little thing. and its going to sound ridiculous, but I knew things weren't going to work out because he kept telling me how sexy I was. This is something I have never believed to be true about myself. I have never been "sexy" in my entire life; I am always the cute one, or the pretty one, or the one with the great smile. I love being that girl.
When things went south, despite what actually happened, I knew that the sexy issue was at the root and I was the only one who could to fix it. What scared me more was the fact that if i didn't fix it, it could ruin another great relationship in the future. I kept telling myself to email you and ask you what to do, ask you what makes a girl sexy, how do i feel sexy? for some girls its putting on a pair of heels or beautiful lingerie but that has never done it for me -- they just make me feel fun.
I have some of the most beautiful friends, but they are in the same boat too and that's why I'm telling you my little story. Girls -- Sexy is not just a Victoria Secrets Model with 0% body fat, and double D's. Boys say Playboy models and porn stars are sexy, but that's just a fantasy and lets be honest -- we have them too. Those girls are flat on a page, or on the computer. Their isn't any interaction. Sexy isn't about height, or weight or how great your boobs are. I am really tall, not all that skinny and have no boobs. But i have this kind of control. I don't know if I can fully explain it. Someone told me a long time ago that sexy is an attitude, you have to exude sexiness. I did not know what the hell they were talking about. Dancing on Saturday night, it all came to me. I had a great time, and as we all sometimes do, I went home that night with someone I shouldn't have. Usually, I exhibit pretty good self control, but somewhere in my drunken state, I let myself go. Something changed inside of me. We weren't grinding away or anything, but instead, would dance really close and he would spin me all around. I knew him pretty well. He always carried himself like such a tough guy, he's not your love-able, hug-able, squeeze-able guy friend. He's a mans man, beer in hand, football playing guy. But Saturday, he was like puddy in my hand. He wanted it, he wanted me and I was in control -- I was the one who decided what he got. I revealed a different side of him.
All day Sunday, I had the worst hangover of my life. I live my life with no regrets because they don't help anything. Inside my pounding head, I was regretting the night before. That's when the last guy i dated came back to me. Its always the ones with a little bit of sass that get me (and its probably my downfall.) He was always just a little pouty, but if I looked at him just the right way, he cracked the biggest grin, gave me that, "ohgod, I wasn't going to smile but you got me again" look and... well... there went our clothes. At least for me, sexy is my power to melt off that brooding, tough, or sassy exterior with a look, a smile or a kiss. That's when I stopped regretting the night before. I found another part of me.
I feel like a whole new woman. Just living life is a little more fun now. I have always loved to people watch and this just puts a new spin on things. I would also like to note that this is a major step for me. About three years ago, I ended a serious relationship -- but also an abusive relationship and I have really allowed myself to get involved with a guy since then. Maybe that is why, for me, being sexy is about being in control. Its been a long road, some major healing and forgiveness, soul searching and life changes, but I am finally coming into my own. I can't even tell you how excited I am to just go live.
It was about damn time I got out of my rut.
have fun. be fearless.
love, s
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
"You don't have to dress up for it"
It has come to my attention in the last 24 hours that a few of my good friends (who are girls) have never masturbated to the point of orgasm before. This, to me, is not only shocking but also unbelievable for college-age women.
Men, I am sorry to leave you out of this, but it is pretty much inevitable that unless you have consciously attempted to abstain from masturbation you have in fact whacked yourself off. Don’t be offended; it’s just the truth.
Ladies, before I even start, I need to say this: How can you expect a man to do it if you have never even tried? You can’t assume a guy is going to go through all that work if you never took the time to do it yourself. So my question now is: why aren’t your hands down your pants right now?
Plain and simple, there is nothing but healthiness associated with masturbation. Yes, it’s true that Kellogg’s corn flakes were invented by Sir Kellogg to prevent young boys from masturbating. Don’t believe me? Do your own research and you will find that I am anything but fully on top of the truth. For years and years masturbation was seen as a negative thing, a way for people to have seizures, warts, diseases, everything from blindness to hyperactivity. It is now known that the only bad thing that can come from chronic masturbation is a blister and an unwavering smile.
Truman capote once said that masturbation is great because “You don’t have to dress up for it,” and that is the truth. To start, if you never have, make sure you’re naked. Using a mirror might help at first but after a while you aren’t going to want to look at all your bits all the time. So get down there, check yourself out, and revel in the beauty that s your baby maker. That’s right lades, baby maker.
Your clitoris is located under your clitoral hood. This is the spot, your locus, and the area that will bring about your orgasms. Make sure you understand this part of you, every single part of this part, as one day you might have to show your man where it is.
What next? Well that is completely up to you. If toys are your thing check our drugstore.com as a discrete way to buy and receive sex toys. Make sure you get a toy with clitoral vibration or stimulation, as that is how you are most likely going to reach orgasm.
If machinery isn’t your thing, use your hands. Use lubrication and use circular motions. You want to directly stimulate your clitoris constantly and with enough pressure that orgasm is reached. How will you know you reached orgasm??? Well, let me just say that you can’t miss it.
Most women need to be warmed up. Reading erotic stories online or watching porn will most assuredly help. I know, it may seem strange and weird reading about other peoples love trysts, but before you know it you will see that “Eric” can heat you up just as much as he does to “Amber.” Porn is hard to watch at first, and if you don’t like it, don’t do it. Whatever works for you (like watching Zac Effron or Rob Pattinson in their movies) do it. You will not have a successful masturbatory session if you aren’t turned on.
So don’t be embarrassed, its natural. Not to mention recent studies show that women who can reach climax on their own efficiently are WAY more likely to reach it with their partner. Practice makes perfect in more than just your reading, writing, and arithmetic. Do the math, and don’t forget about your clit.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Men, I am sorry to leave you out of this, but it is pretty much inevitable that unless you have consciously attempted to abstain from masturbation you have in fact whacked yourself off. Don’t be offended; it’s just the truth.
Ladies, before I even start, I need to say this: How can you expect a man to do it if you have never even tried? You can’t assume a guy is going to go through all that work if you never took the time to do it yourself. So my question now is: why aren’t your hands down your pants right now?
Plain and simple, there is nothing but healthiness associated with masturbation. Yes, it’s true that Kellogg’s corn flakes were invented by Sir Kellogg to prevent young boys from masturbating. Don’t believe me? Do your own research and you will find that I am anything but fully on top of the truth. For years and years masturbation was seen as a negative thing, a way for people to have seizures, warts, diseases, everything from blindness to hyperactivity. It is now known that the only bad thing that can come from chronic masturbation is a blister and an unwavering smile.
Truman capote once said that masturbation is great because “You don’t have to dress up for it,” and that is the truth. To start, if you never have, make sure you’re naked. Using a mirror might help at first but after a while you aren’t going to want to look at all your bits all the time. So get down there, check yourself out, and revel in the beauty that s your baby maker. That’s right lades, baby maker.
Your clitoris is located under your clitoral hood. This is the spot, your locus, and the area that will bring about your orgasms. Make sure you understand this part of you, every single part of this part, as one day you might have to show your man where it is.
What next? Well that is completely up to you. If toys are your thing check our drugstore.com as a discrete way to buy and receive sex toys. Make sure you get a toy with clitoral vibration or stimulation, as that is how you are most likely going to reach orgasm.
If machinery isn’t your thing, use your hands. Use lubrication and use circular motions. You want to directly stimulate your clitoris constantly and with enough pressure that orgasm is reached. How will you know you reached orgasm??? Well, let me just say that you can’t miss it.
Most women need to be warmed up. Reading erotic stories online or watching porn will most assuredly help. I know, it may seem strange and weird reading about other peoples love trysts, but before you know it you will see that “Eric” can heat you up just as much as he does to “Amber.” Porn is hard to watch at first, and if you don’t like it, don’t do it. Whatever works for you (like watching Zac Effron or Rob Pattinson in their movies) do it. You will not have a successful masturbatory session if you aren’t turned on.
So don’t be embarrassed, its natural. Not to mention recent studies show that women who can reach climax on their own efficiently are WAY more likely to reach it with their partner. Practice makes perfect in more than just your reading, writing, and arithmetic. Do the math, and don’t forget about your clit.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Juicy New STORIES
Helloooo everyone! Just though y'all should know that I am up and updating, so if any of you have any questions, comments, concerns, please feel free to email me at xxxxnoochxxxx@mac.com. Everything is 100% anonymous and contractually I will never reveal anything you don't want me to.
So dig deep (but don't hurt yourself) and send me anything you've got
Always,
Your Kinseyette
P.S
The image below is real video footage found of two people literally having sex on a freeway. Just thought I'd share :-)
So dig deep (but don't hurt yourself) and send me anything you've got
Always,
Your Kinseyette
P.S
The image below is real video footage found of two people literally having sex on a freeway. Just thought I'd share :-)
Friday, March 13, 2009
One more chart
Let me just say that condoms are more than just something to blow up as balloons at a bachelorette party. They should be used every time for as long as you don't want to be pregnant OR diseased. STD's are more volatile now more than ever, and sometimes your partner doesn't even know that what they have is a STD. Sometimes his balls itch, how is he supposed to know that he actually has a male HPV or herpes? Not everyone understands infection and not all infections are immediately understandable. So do yourself and your junk a favor and wrap it before you use it. Okay?!
This chart shows the prices of condoms in different countries and cities. Just something to think about.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
This chart shows the prices of condoms in different countries and cities. Just something to think about.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
normalcy please
Here is an email I just got:
What about stupid, awkward boys? Can we talk about that? The ones that avoid you for absolutely no reason, even after you've leveled the playing field. ... they suck. I'm sorry I couldn't go home with you ONE night. ONE. But when I return the question and you've moved on, I call that even. No hard feelings. Stop being awkward. I DON’T CARE. Why do they think we care so much after it's obvious we're even? I kicked your ego. You kicked mine; let's go back to normalcy, PLEASE!
Children, it has finally come the time to talk about relationships. Yes, you heard me; we are going to delve into some of the more idiot moves of the men and women who are trying to find happiness together.
Girl, it seems to me like there are some serious misunderstandings going on right about now. You didn’t go home with this guy one night and now that awkward stage of what-the-fuck-are-we-friends-or-can-we-still-try-this-going-home-thing is occurring all around you.
Firstly, you are completely correct, his ego has been shit on. IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT! People need to learn to deal with rejection and bounce back from it, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. If we get hung up on every rejection we will never get anywhere. Look at you! You have bounced back. He is the one who is deflated on the floor.
Men, if a girl turns you down once, don’t assume that this means she is never going to want to go home with you or that she doesn’t want to spend that very night in your bed. I mean, don’t get me wrong, please don’t ask her over every night or stalk her at the palms, but you never know what is really going on in her life right now. There may be a complication or drama that you don’t even want to remotely get involved in and she is trying to spare you from it. All of this goes for you ladies as well. Both men and women need to think from the perspective of the other to help everyone understand what the fuck is going on.
So he moved on, you moved on, and things aren’t normal because…? It’s incredibly difficult sometimes for some people to deal with embarrassment. For me personally, it’s probably the hardest thing to get over. It seems from what you have told me that he either is playing a game with you or he has an issue with the embarrassment associated with rejection.
You got to think if he is going to take something that miniscule so seriously, then maybe he had some sort of feelings towards you. If that was the case, give him time and space to get over it. It is always way harder to deal with things when feelings are hurt.
And now on to the games we play. Games are old and outdated, yet we all feel the need to play them constantly. It was only a few short weeks ago that Dakota told me not to text a boy so that I can play one of these games with him. What did I end up doing? I called him. I walked back to my room and I called him. I made my own rules. Was she right? Well, as of right now this boy and me are in no way dating, but I don’t thank that has to do with my calling patterns.
Since the release of the book, film, and copycat publications of “He’s just not that into you,” women and men alike are realizing that games are becoming more and more painful and destructive. Yes, there is a time when being coy or keeping secrets is cute and adorable, but eventually you just have to admit you have a crush and let yourself either fall in love or get kicked in the ass and left on the curb. Either way you have an ANWER and the AWKWARDNESS that is a close cousin of SILENCE has no way of existing.
If he is playing a game with you, don’t play back. It is only a matter of time before he gets off his high horse and starts walking beside you again. You just have to let him know, in your own personal way, that you haven’t nor will you ever use anything against him. In other words, you have to have him realize that you really don’t care. How do you do this? Act normally around him. Send him a text, have him meet you for lunch somewhere. Talk about normal things and show him that there IS INFACT a friendship to salvage. If it’s worth it, it’s worth it.
If that doesn’t work, let him know somehow that everything really is okay. That normalcy can be achieved. My advice, in short, is talk. Communicate. You don’t ever have to bring up the rejection or the subsequent reversal of the table, you can start a new chapter right here, right now. Start a new book if you want, just start over.
Anything else let me know, and keep me updated.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
What about stupid, awkward boys? Can we talk about that? The ones that avoid you for absolutely no reason, even after you've leveled the playing field. ... they suck. I'm sorry I couldn't go home with you ONE night. ONE. But when I return the question and you've moved on, I call that even. No hard feelings. Stop being awkward. I DON’T CARE. Why do they think we care so much after it's obvious we're even? I kicked your ego. You kicked mine; let's go back to normalcy, PLEASE!
Children, it has finally come the time to talk about relationships. Yes, you heard me; we are going to delve into some of the more idiot moves of the men and women who are trying to find happiness together.
Girl, it seems to me like there are some serious misunderstandings going on right about now. You didn’t go home with this guy one night and now that awkward stage of what-the-fuck-are-we-friends-or-can-we-still-try-this-going-home-thing is occurring all around you.
Firstly, you are completely correct, his ego has been shit on. IT ISN’T YOUR FAULT! People need to learn to deal with rejection and bounce back from it, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. If we get hung up on every rejection we will never get anywhere. Look at you! You have bounced back. He is the one who is deflated on the floor.
Men, if a girl turns you down once, don’t assume that this means she is never going to want to go home with you or that she doesn’t want to spend that very night in your bed. I mean, don’t get me wrong, please don’t ask her over every night or stalk her at the palms, but you never know what is really going on in her life right now. There may be a complication or drama that you don’t even want to remotely get involved in and she is trying to spare you from it. All of this goes for you ladies as well. Both men and women need to think from the perspective of the other to help everyone understand what the fuck is going on.
So he moved on, you moved on, and things aren’t normal because…? It’s incredibly difficult sometimes for some people to deal with embarrassment. For me personally, it’s probably the hardest thing to get over. It seems from what you have told me that he either is playing a game with you or he has an issue with the embarrassment associated with rejection.
You got to think if he is going to take something that miniscule so seriously, then maybe he had some sort of feelings towards you. If that was the case, give him time and space to get over it. It is always way harder to deal with things when feelings are hurt.
And now on to the games we play. Games are old and outdated, yet we all feel the need to play them constantly. It was only a few short weeks ago that Dakota told me not to text a boy so that I can play one of these games with him. What did I end up doing? I called him. I walked back to my room and I called him. I made my own rules. Was she right? Well, as of right now this boy and me are in no way dating, but I don’t thank that has to do with my calling patterns.
Since the release of the book, film, and copycat publications of “He’s just not that into you,” women and men alike are realizing that games are becoming more and more painful and destructive. Yes, there is a time when being coy or keeping secrets is cute and adorable, but eventually you just have to admit you have a crush and let yourself either fall in love or get kicked in the ass and left on the curb. Either way you have an ANWER and the AWKWARDNESS that is a close cousin of SILENCE has no way of existing.
If he is playing a game with you, don’t play back. It is only a matter of time before he gets off his high horse and starts walking beside you again. You just have to let him know, in your own personal way, that you haven’t nor will you ever use anything against him. In other words, you have to have him realize that you really don’t care. How do you do this? Act normally around him. Send him a text, have him meet you for lunch somewhere. Talk about normal things and show him that there IS INFACT a friendship to salvage. If it’s worth it, it’s worth it.
If that doesn’t work, let him know somehow that everything really is okay. That normalcy can be achieved. My advice, in short, is talk. Communicate. You don’t ever have to bring up the rejection or the subsequent reversal of the table, you can start a new chapter right here, right now. Start a new book if you want, just start over.
Anything else let me know, and keep me updated.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
A new email: Vaginismus
Here is an email I JUST received in my inbox:
Dear Kinseyette,
I have recently discovered your blog, and I find it very interesting to read. I do have an issue that if possible I would like you to address, however if you have previously addressed this in your blog I apologize; I have not read through all of your earlier postings, and if that is the case, could you please refer me to what date to look at? Thank you.
On to my question...I am 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend, "J," age 20, for a little over a year. We were both virgins until last summer when we had sex. Long story short, after not being able to have sex for literally ten seconds before I was in excruciating pain, lots of experimentation with various lubes and positions, and a visit to the gynecologist, I discovered that I have Vaginismus. I have been using the prescription cream Estrace for some time now, and we have gotten up to about 4 minutes of straight (albeit very slow, and very shallow) relatively pain-free sex, but we are obviously hoping to improve. Let me just say that J has been nothing but supportive and wonderful throughout this whole ordeal, so I definitely have his patience working in my favor. We have had the most luck in the missionary position, as in any "girl on top" position my vagina literally rejects his penis. Lubes tend to give me a burning sensation, so for now we are using Vaseline, which has been working pretty well. (We know not to use it with condoms, and I am on the Pill, and neither of us has even come close to orgasm during sexual intercourse.) My doctor also recommended that I be fully relaxed and stimulated before we begin intercourse, which we have been very faithful at doing. Although we have definitely come a long way from where we started, our progress is still incredibly slow and I have never had an intercourse experience without any pain. I was hoping you could recommend some techniques for us to help us have sex like normal people? One more thing, my doctor did also suggest using dilators, however this option does not appeal to me in the least. Any help you could give me would be much appreciated.
Thank you, and happy writing.
Sincerely,
Your reader
So, reader, I am very very glad you wrote in today. I really appreciate you taking the time to write this, and I am more than fully prepared to answer all of your questions.
Firstly, for all of you who don’t know what she is talking about, Vaginismus is a condition in which there is a tightening of the entry of the vagina. This can indeed make intercourse painful and in some cases completely impossible. There are many causes and many treatments for this condition, and it seems like you have done all the research physically possible at the time being. It must feel very lonely and confusing right now, but I am glad you have organized some options.
You stated that you didn’t want to use dilators. I don’t blame you! Sticking something ELSE up there just isn’t a very pleasant thought, no matter what the situation is.
Before I even begin, I just want to say something to all of the women who are currently experiencing vaginal pain during intercourse. No matter how much you want, love, or need the man you are with, do not EVER think that it is a good idea to grit and bear the pain in an attempt to get him off. You can cause permanent damage or make your condition worse. With that in mind, you should know the basics.
Firstly, I just want to go over some of the causes of Vaginismus. There is a whole group of sex scientists and therapists who believe that this condition may indeed stem from an original issue. This issue can either be a traumatic experience, previous pain during intercourse, or even a bad body image. Our bodies sometimes do things that we think are accidental or awkward, but in reality there is usually a reason behind the wreaking of havoc.
Sit down one day and think if this may be your issue as well. I know you said you were a virgin before you and your boyfriend decided to try intercourse, so your problem is probably not a previous traumatic sexual experience. Because of this, you should just think about how you (I know this may sound strange, but follow me) think about your vulva and vagina. If you don’t know what you think about it, I am going to prescribe to you a little experiment that is sure to open your eyes a bit.
Sit in front of a mirror or grab a hand-held compact. Oh yes dear, you heard me! I really want you to get down and dirty with yo bad self. I want you to look at your vulva and vagina, and see what it looks like. Put a little lubricant on your finger and gently massage the opening of your vagina. If your body allows it, try inserting one finger, two, and so on until you are gently (and slowly) slipping at least one finger in easily. Your body should react less to your own touch as it does to the touch of your boyfriend. If you can do this on a REGULAR (yes, regular) basis, you will be FAR better off when it comes to the main event with your main man.
Until you can do this to yourself and do it to the point that it is pleasurable instead of painful, you should call off sex for a few weeks. I have some other ideas of things you can try in the meantime, however!
If you want to get some bump and grind contact without the bump, try the grind! That’s right; make your vulva the bun to his hotdog. Get on top, lubricate the shaft of his penis and the inside of your labia and vulva, and grind yourself up and down his erection. Chances are one or both of you will get off and there will be no pain associated with insertion. For your own personal information and research, this form of getting off is called femoral intercourse.
If you can learn to achieve orgasm by using femoral intercourse, then only good things can happen. As soon as this act becomes natural, your vagina will eventually teach itself to relax and sooner than you think actual vaginal intercourse will be possible.
You said in your question that you and your boyfriend have been practicing foreplay techniques religiously. This is SO good to hear, as this can be the biggest issue and cause of vaginal pain during intercourse. Since you didn’t go into detail on your techniques (and I don’t blame you!) I am going to shoot you some myself.
You should have your boyfriend use the Vaseline you have been using (I am glad something is working okay for you) and to use it to massage your vaginal opening much like how you should be practicing doing it to yourself. After the massage becomes successful and pleasurable, allow him to insert one finger up to the first knuckle and gently swirl his digit inside of you. This gently movement is incredibly sexy and further teaches your vagina to relax.
Most of your problems are probably related to your need of relaxation. Try a breathing tape or take a nap before the act, anything that can help you take a deep breath. If bathtubs are your thing, try this with some lavender in your tub with your boy. The water will feel great on your bits, and he will have a whole tub of natural lubricant to work with.
Another option is to buy three dildos. In a book I am currently reading, they offer up the website Touchofawoman.com to provide for these dildos. By starting out small and working your way up (over the course of a few weeks), you will be, again, training your vagina to accept the penis instead of rejecting it.
After you feel good with the dildo, try using the real thing. Use the same process of assimilation and have your partner only put a little bit in at a time until his whole shaft is in. This needs to be done often and over the course of more than just a few days. You may have tried this already, but you should try is again and over a longer period of time. Vaginal training isn’t as easy as dog training. What can I say? Pussies are way more temperamental!
One of the top experts in vaginal sex discomfort has suggested using fresh olive oil as a healthy and natural form of lubrication. Try it and see if it works. You can warm the oil between your hands and let the sensation sizzle.
You want to try to be on top? The issue with this is that you are putting a lot of pressure on your vaginal canal whereas during missionary your partner can control the speed and depth of insertion. If you want to try this on top, please do! Try putting just the tip in and moving your hips around with him inside of you. Try anything to help reveal the pressure.
Most importantly, do not forget to breathe. Be more confident! Do not be discouraged. Even if you think that you are being as confidant as you can be, there is always one more step to try to reach.
You are beautiful, you are wonderful, and there is absolutely nothing strange about your condition. Modern statistics say that about 20% of sexually active women experience Vaginismus. There is no easy cure and it may take more work than either you or your partner is willing to do, but it is worth it always.
Since I do not know your personal experience more thoroughly, I have found some really important websites I want you to visit. This one, at http://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-treatment, has a 10-step program for treating your Vaginismus. The treatment includes understanding Vaginismus and its own personal cause inside of you. It also incorporates all of the assimilation techniques and vaginal training ideas I have already shared with you. It is helpful and more personalized and I hope it can help with you.
If you need anything else please let me know, and keep us updated on your progress!
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Dear Kinseyette,
I have recently discovered your blog, and I find it very interesting to read. I do have an issue that if possible I would like you to address, however if you have previously addressed this in your blog I apologize; I have not read through all of your earlier postings, and if that is the case, could you please refer me to what date to look at? Thank you.
On to my question...I am 21 years old and have been with my boyfriend, "J," age 20, for a little over a year. We were both virgins until last summer when we had sex. Long story short, after not being able to have sex for literally ten seconds before I was in excruciating pain, lots of experimentation with various lubes and positions, and a visit to the gynecologist, I discovered that I have Vaginismus. I have been using the prescription cream Estrace for some time now, and we have gotten up to about 4 minutes of straight (albeit very slow, and very shallow) relatively pain-free sex, but we are obviously hoping to improve. Let me just say that J has been nothing but supportive and wonderful throughout this whole ordeal, so I definitely have his patience working in my favor. We have had the most luck in the missionary position, as in any "girl on top" position my vagina literally rejects his penis. Lubes tend to give me a burning sensation, so for now we are using Vaseline, which has been working pretty well. (We know not to use it with condoms, and I am on the Pill, and neither of us has even come close to orgasm during sexual intercourse.) My doctor also recommended that I be fully relaxed and stimulated before we begin intercourse, which we have been very faithful at doing. Although we have definitely come a long way from where we started, our progress is still incredibly slow and I have never had an intercourse experience without any pain. I was hoping you could recommend some techniques for us to help us have sex like normal people? One more thing, my doctor did also suggest using dilators, however this option does not appeal to me in the least. Any help you could give me would be much appreciated.
Thank you, and happy writing.
Sincerely,
Your reader
So, reader, I am very very glad you wrote in today. I really appreciate you taking the time to write this, and I am more than fully prepared to answer all of your questions.
Firstly, for all of you who don’t know what she is talking about, Vaginismus is a condition in which there is a tightening of the entry of the vagina. This can indeed make intercourse painful and in some cases completely impossible. There are many causes and many treatments for this condition, and it seems like you have done all the research physically possible at the time being. It must feel very lonely and confusing right now, but I am glad you have organized some options.
You stated that you didn’t want to use dilators. I don’t blame you! Sticking something ELSE up there just isn’t a very pleasant thought, no matter what the situation is.
Before I even begin, I just want to say something to all of the women who are currently experiencing vaginal pain during intercourse. No matter how much you want, love, or need the man you are with, do not EVER think that it is a good idea to grit and bear the pain in an attempt to get him off. You can cause permanent damage or make your condition worse. With that in mind, you should know the basics.
Firstly, I just want to go over some of the causes of Vaginismus. There is a whole group of sex scientists and therapists who believe that this condition may indeed stem from an original issue. This issue can either be a traumatic experience, previous pain during intercourse, or even a bad body image. Our bodies sometimes do things that we think are accidental or awkward, but in reality there is usually a reason behind the wreaking of havoc.
Sit down one day and think if this may be your issue as well. I know you said you were a virgin before you and your boyfriend decided to try intercourse, so your problem is probably not a previous traumatic sexual experience. Because of this, you should just think about how you (I know this may sound strange, but follow me) think about your vulva and vagina. If you don’t know what you think about it, I am going to prescribe to you a little experiment that is sure to open your eyes a bit.
Sit in front of a mirror or grab a hand-held compact. Oh yes dear, you heard me! I really want you to get down and dirty with yo bad self. I want you to look at your vulva and vagina, and see what it looks like. Put a little lubricant on your finger and gently massage the opening of your vagina. If your body allows it, try inserting one finger, two, and so on until you are gently (and slowly) slipping at least one finger in easily. Your body should react less to your own touch as it does to the touch of your boyfriend. If you can do this on a REGULAR (yes, regular) basis, you will be FAR better off when it comes to the main event with your main man.
Until you can do this to yourself and do it to the point that it is pleasurable instead of painful, you should call off sex for a few weeks. I have some other ideas of things you can try in the meantime, however!
If you want to get some bump and grind contact without the bump, try the grind! That’s right; make your vulva the bun to his hotdog. Get on top, lubricate the shaft of his penis and the inside of your labia and vulva, and grind yourself up and down his erection. Chances are one or both of you will get off and there will be no pain associated with insertion. For your own personal information and research, this form of getting off is called femoral intercourse.
If you can learn to achieve orgasm by using femoral intercourse, then only good things can happen. As soon as this act becomes natural, your vagina will eventually teach itself to relax and sooner than you think actual vaginal intercourse will be possible.
You said in your question that you and your boyfriend have been practicing foreplay techniques religiously. This is SO good to hear, as this can be the biggest issue and cause of vaginal pain during intercourse. Since you didn’t go into detail on your techniques (and I don’t blame you!) I am going to shoot you some myself.
You should have your boyfriend use the Vaseline you have been using (I am glad something is working okay for you) and to use it to massage your vaginal opening much like how you should be practicing doing it to yourself. After the massage becomes successful and pleasurable, allow him to insert one finger up to the first knuckle and gently swirl his digit inside of you. This gently movement is incredibly sexy and further teaches your vagina to relax.
Most of your problems are probably related to your need of relaxation. Try a breathing tape or take a nap before the act, anything that can help you take a deep breath. If bathtubs are your thing, try this with some lavender in your tub with your boy. The water will feel great on your bits, and he will have a whole tub of natural lubricant to work with.
Another option is to buy three dildos. In a book I am currently reading, they offer up the website Touchofawoman.com to provide for these dildos. By starting out small and working your way up (over the course of a few weeks), you will be, again, training your vagina to accept the penis instead of rejecting it.
After you feel good with the dildo, try using the real thing. Use the same process of assimilation and have your partner only put a little bit in at a time until his whole shaft is in. This needs to be done often and over the course of more than just a few days. You may have tried this already, but you should try is again and over a longer period of time. Vaginal training isn’t as easy as dog training. What can I say? Pussies are way more temperamental!
One of the top experts in vaginal sex discomfort has suggested using fresh olive oil as a healthy and natural form of lubrication. Try it and see if it works. You can warm the oil between your hands and let the sensation sizzle.
You want to try to be on top? The issue with this is that you are putting a lot of pressure on your vaginal canal whereas during missionary your partner can control the speed and depth of insertion. If you want to try this on top, please do! Try putting just the tip in and moving your hips around with him inside of you. Try anything to help reveal the pressure.
Most importantly, do not forget to breathe. Be more confident! Do not be discouraged. Even if you think that you are being as confidant as you can be, there is always one more step to try to reach.
You are beautiful, you are wonderful, and there is absolutely nothing strange about your condition. Modern statistics say that about 20% of sexually active women experience Vaginismus. There is no easy cure and it may take more work than either you or your partner is willing to do, but it is worth it always.
Since I do not know your personal experience more thoroughly, I have found some really important websites I want you to visit. This one, at http://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-treatment, has a 10-step program for treating your Vaginismus. The treatment includes understanding Vaginismus and its own personal cause inside of you. It also incorporates all of the assimilation techniques and vaginal training ideas I have already shared with you. It is helpful and more personalized and I hope it can help with you.
If you need anything else please let me know, and keep us updated on your progress!
Always,
Your Kinseyette
even MORE about bedazzlement
Since Carrie had written me about her new special piercing, I figured that it would be a good time to educate all of you readers about female genital piercing, including the reasoning behind them, styles, and the pain or pleasure associated with them.
Firstly, women and men can get genital piercing. For right now I am only going to be talking about vulva, clitoris, labia, and other sorts of lady piercings. Penis, scrotum, and guiche piercings are a whole different topic for a completely different day.
So many of you reading may be asking yourself right now, what would posses a girl to go and get her secret spot exposed and then harpooned. Though each girl’s reason getting a piercing is personal, in general the most common responses are that it makes their bits sparkly (i.e. more attractive) and that it greatly increases sexual pleasure. Moreover, many women report that genital piercings give them a particularly strong sense of pride in their vulvas, a sort of ownership that had never previously been experienced.
Before I can even talk about the reasons behind female genital piercings I should probably tell you about the different types of these experiences. Each area of interest has its own personality and side effects, therefore one should thoroughly study ALL types before a decision on locale can be decided.
One big factor in choosing which genital piercing you can get is your own personal anatomy. For some women, their vulvas just don’t have skin where skin needs to be, or anatomically a certain piercing will just be plain unattractive. After earning about the different types of piercings, you should go to a PROFESSIONAL piercer and ask him or her to check out your bits. They can then tell you which piercings you're built for and then you can make a well-informed decision, taking all precautions and prerequisites into mind.
Ok, so now onto the piercings. Firstly, I should tell you that when most people talk about “clit” piercings, they are more likely than not talking about clitoral hood piercings. The clitoral hood is the small (but in some women quite large) bit of skin that sits on top of the clitoris, protecting it from outside intruders and making it so that its owner isn’t constantly stimulated (an evolutionary anatomical mistake, if you ask MY opinion). There are several different types of clitoral hood (CH) piercings, and each is chosen by what the owner wants, aesthetics, and of course, anatomy.
The most anatomically fitting, stimulating, and fast-healing genital piercing there is the Vertical Clitoral hood piercing (VCH). This is the piercing Carrie got, and there is no wonder this is the one she decided to get. The VCH runs vertically (hence V) through the clitoral hood (and the CH). There is a picture of it at the bottom of Carrie’s post if you need some help understanding the directions.
Horizontal clitoral hood piercings are placed horizontally through the hood (so there are TWO holes made through the hood) and are more specific to anatomy. It is hard for some people to have enough clitoral hood skin to receive the horizontal hood piercing. This piercing also has less to do with clitoral stimulation as it does with appearance and vanity. In other words, you get a vertical hood for the pleasure, and the horizontal for the looks.
The Christina piercing is a surface piercing that does not exist to supply any sort of pleasure. This piercing is located on the mons pubis and usually consists of a barbell.
The Isabella piercing is a very long piercing that starts from the top of the vulva through under the clitoral hood. It is for those who enjoy the appearance of the Christina but who enjoy the clitoral stimulation of the VCH piercing. But like I said, this is a very very long piercing and is seriously painful, since you are going through a lot (and I mean a lot) of skin. You should really think before getting this, but if it is what you want, you should absolutely go for it.
Then there is the princess Albertina. This piercing is not only dangerous, it is damaging. Please don’t get this, even if you are hell bent. Any piercing that goes through the urethra is not only hard to heal but it can cause damage to your urine stream. Just think long and hard, and don’t make this decision based on friends or a movie you saw.
Lastly, there is the clitoris. An actual clitoral piercing is not only rare, but it can be dangerous. There is a chance or loosing all sensation when you get this piercing, and let me tell you, sometimes that just aint worth it! The upside? If the piercing is successful the rewards are incredibly stimulating. You should only get this done by a very VERY professional peircer (as with all piercings) and you can only get it if you have enough clitoral gland to actually pierce.
So now that you know all the dirt on jewels, I hope you can make a more informed decision on your own personal pleasure spot piercings!
Have fun ☺
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Firstly, women and men can get genital piercing. For right now I am only going to be talking about vulva, clitoris, labia, and other sorts of lady piercings. Penis, scrotum, and guiche piercings are a whole different topic for a completely different day.
So many of you reading may be asking yourself right now, what would posses a girl to go and get her secret spot exposed and then harpooned. Though each girl’s reason getting a piercing is personal, in general the most common responses are that it makes their bits sparkly (i.e. more attractive) and that it greatly increases sexual pleasure. Moreover, many women report that genital piercings give them a particularly strong sense of pride in their vulvas, a sort of ownership that had never previously been experienced.
Before I can even talk about the reasons behind female genital piercings I should probably tell you about the different types of these experiences. Each area of interest has its own personality and side effects, therefore one should thoroughly study ALL types before a decision on locale can be decided.
One big factor in choosing which genital piercing you can get is your own personal anatomy. For some women, their vulvas just don’t have skin where skin needs to be, or anatomically a certain piercing will just be plain unattractive. After earning about the different types of piercings, you should go to a PROFESSIONAL piercer and ask him or her to check out your bits. They can then tell you which piercings you're built for and then you can make a well-informed decision, taking all precautions and prerequisites into mind.
Ok, so now onto the piercings. Firstly, I should tell you that when most people talk about “clit” piercings, they are more likely than not talking about clitoral hood piercings. The clitoral hood is the small (but in some women quite large) bit of skin that sits on top of the clitoris, protecting it from outside intruders and making it so that its owner isn’t constantly stimulated (an evolutionary anatomical mistake, if you ask MY opinion). There are several different types of clitoral hood (CH) piercings, and each is chosen by what the owner wants, aesthetics, and of course, anatomy.
The most anatomically fitting, stimulating, and fast-healing genital piercing there is the Vertical Clitoral hood piercing (VCH). This is the piercing Carrie got, and there is no wonder this is the one she decided to get. The VCH runs vertically (hence V) through the clitoral hood (and the CH). There is a picture of it at the bottom of Carrie’s post if you need some help understanding the directions.
Horizontal clitoral hood piercings are placed horizontally through the hood (so there are TWO holes made through the hood) and are more specific to anatomy. It is hard for some people to have enough clitoral hood skin to receive the horizontal hood piercing. This piercing also has less to do with clitoral stimulation as it does with appearance and vanity. In other words, you get a vertical hood for the pleasure, and the horizontal for the looks.
The Christina piercing is a surface piercing that does not exist to supply any sort of pleasure. This piercing is located on the mons pubis and usually consists of a barbell.
The Isabella piercing is a very long piercing that starts from the top of the vulva through under the clitoral hood. It is for those who enjoy the appearance of the Christina but who enjoy the clitoral stimulation of the VCH piercing. But like I said, this is a very very long piercing and is seriously painful, since you are going through a lot (and I mean a lot) of skin. You should really think before getting this, but if it is what you want, you should absolutely go for it.
Then there is the princess Albertina. This piercing is not only dangerous, it is damaging. Please don’t get this, even if you are hell bent. Any piercing that goes through the urethra is not only hard to heal but it can cause damage to your urine stream. Just think long and hard, and don’t make this decision based on friends or a movie you saw.
Lastly, there is the clitoris. An actual clitoral piercing is not only rare, but it can be dangerous. There is a chance or loosing all sensation when you get this piercing, and let me tell you, sometimes that just aint worth it! The upside? If the piercing is successful the rewards are incredibly stimulating. You should only get this done by a very VERY professional peircer (as with all piercings) and you can only get it if you have enough clitoral gland to actually pierce.
So now that you know all the dirt on jewels, I hope you can make a more informed decision on your own personal pleasure spot piercings!
Have fun ☺
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Saturday, March 7, 2009
To those who question...
I’ve been getting a lot of criticism recently about the way I talk about sex here in this column. People have said that I should base my writings less on the physicality of sex and more on the feelings associated with the act of “making love.” Others have said that I am talking about things publicly that should be reserved for the bedroom or for late night conversations with girlfriends and Cosmo magazine.
When it comes to the emotions behind sex, I am neither an expert nor will I even try to understand the vast range of feelings that are associated with the act of copulation. When it comes to sex some people feel nothing. They have sex with whomever whenever and never think twice about it. For others, sex is less about the physical and more about the fact that for those few fleeting moments two people are becoming ONE. For those few moments, there is no denying that you are not alone.
I can’t even start talking about emotions because they are ambiguous, strange, strong, and no amount of science or research can give me enough data to make valid and general conclusions.
Conversely, the physical is easy. You stab someone with a knife and statistically that person is going to feel pain. You suck on the clitoral hood of a woman and statistically she is going to feel pleasure. I grace a man’s nipples and he gets hard: there, evidence, he is turned on, that felt GOOD. The physical can be studied, and with those studies data can be accumulated. The same cannot be said for feelings. I cannot tell you to experiment with feelings, but experimenting with the scrotum? Now THAT is easy to prescribe.
To the argument that these words I write (sex, cum, head, penis, perineum, etc) are vulgar and gross, I say to you get over it. For too long women and men have had to keep their sexual selves a secret. They have had to hide their relationships with their vaginas and penises and have had to learn the hard way that their bodies work.
There are children who get pregnant and do not know how it physically happened. There are women who go their ENTIRE LIVES without experiencing an orgasm just because they never had the nerve or the strength to ask for some advice. There are boys who wake up soaked in semen and feel so ashamed that they try not to sleep at night to prevent it from happening again.
I speak for the people who want to know but who are too afraid to ask. I speak for the people who write me the emails, who stop me on McAlister and whisper a question into my ear.
Women get raped and feel like they can never pleasure a man or be pleasured themselves ever again. After they deal with the trauma of being raped, they don’t know where to start again. They need a spark, a reminder that just because they were violated they aren’t dead sexually. They will feel sexual pleasure again; they just need to learn how.
If you want a reason as to why I write what I write, go see the Tulane University’s production of the Vagina Monologues this weekend. The show is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at 7 pm in Freeman Auditorium. Go see it and you will understand why I cannot stop writing about vaginas. You will understand why owning your sexuality is just as important as wearing clothes that fit you right.
SO here I am, without a column in the newspaper and without anywhere to help people. So if you get this, deep down, find some questions, and email me at xxxxnoochxxxx@mac.com. I promise you that I will be there for you when no one else is, when you feel like you are strange, alone, or lost. I will help you find what you are looking for and I will answer those questions that you just can’t even begin to face. Trust me, okay? I will NEVER steer you wrong. Ever.
When it comes to the emotions behind sex, I am neither an expert nor will I even try to understand the vast range of feelings that are associated with the act of copulation. When it comes to sex some people feel nothing. They have sex with whomever whenever and never think twice about it. For others, sex is less about the physical and more about the fact that for those few fleeting moments two people are becoming ONE. For those few moments, there is no denying that you are not alone.
I can’t even start talking about emotions because they are ambiguous, strange, strong, and no amount of science or research can give me enough data to make valid and general conclusions.
Conversely, the physical is easy. You stab someone with a knife and statistically that person is going to feel pain. You suck on the clitoral hood of a woman and statistically she is going to feel pleasure. I grace a man’s nipples and he gets hard: there, evidence, he is turned on, that felt GOOD. The physical can be studied, and with those studies data can be accumulated. The same cannot be said for feelings. I cannot tell you to experiment with feelings, but experimenting with the scrotum? Now THAT is easy to prescribe.
To the argument that these words I write (sex, cum, head, penis, perineum, etc) are vulgar and gross, I say to you get over it. For too long women and men have had to keep their sexual selves a secret. They have had to hide their relationships with their vaginas and penises and have had to learn the hard way that their bodies work.
There are children who get pregnant and do not know how it physically happened. There are women who go their ENTIRE LIVES without experiencing an orgasm just because they never had the nerve or the strength to ask for some advice. There are boys who wake up soaked in semen and feel so ashamed that they try not to sleep at night to prevent it from happening again.
I speak for the people who want to know but who are too afraid to ask. I speak for the people who write me the emails, who stop me on McAlister and whisper a question into my ear.
Women get raped and feel like they can never pleasure a man or be pleasured themselves ever again. After they deal with the trauma of being raped, they don’t know where to start again. They need a spark, a reminder that just because they were violated they aren’t dead sexually. They will feel sexual pleasure again; they just need to learn how.
If you want a reason as to why I write what I write, go see the Tulane University’s production of the Vagina Monologues this weekend. The show is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday at 7 pm in Freeman Auditorium. Go see it and you will understand why I cannot stop writing about vaginas. You will understand why owning your sexuality is just as important as wearing clothes that fit you right.
SO here I am, without a column in the newspaper and without anywhere to help people. So if you get this, deep down, find some questions, and email me at xxxxnoochxxxx@mac.com. I promise you that I will be there for you when no one else is, when you feel like you are strange, alone, or lost. I will help you find what you are looking for and I will answer those questions that you just can’t even begin to face. Trust me, okay? I will NEVER steer you wrong. Ever.
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Americans are prudes
Just check out this german CHILDREN'S book explaining the birds and the bees. Pretty simple, pretty easy, and hey, now we know where babies come from.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
My Hoo-hah is bedazzled!
So this is an email I got from my girlfriend Carrie today:
Hey girl, just wanted you to know about something I JUST did, I figured you could post it on your blog and share it with the worllllddd!
So, I just got a piercing. Down THERE. That’s right girl, I just got my clitoral hood pierced! In actuality I got a vertical hood piercing, but I’m sure you’ll update your readers on what THAT means. I figured I’d share my experience with you to share with everyone else who is thinking about getting this done.
It all happened when I finally decided to get a piercing that only I would know about. I wanting something sexy and secret that would be my secret (even though I KNEW I would be telling all of my girlfriends as soon as I got back to campus). I did a lot of research and decided that the vertical hood piercing would be the best for me. After I knew what I wanted, I knew I needed to find who would do it for me. I wanted a professional, as that area is an area that I don’t really want anyone messing with. Through word of mouth (AKA one of my best friends Reggie who had hers done as well) that NOLA tattoo had a great piercer who did great work. I took her word, and I am so glad I did.
I didn’t need to make an appointment; I just had to show up. I finished my science lab and made my way to catch the streetcar to get to Nola Tattoo. Right when I left my lab I ran into Sydney. I begged her to go with me because I realized that doing it alone might be very, very difficult. She, being the good friend she is, agreed immediately, even after I told her why I wanted to go (for a piercing) and where I was wanting said piercing.
On the streetcar I was getting a little more nervous, but It wasn’t that bad. Finaly we made it to the parlor and I was totally ready to get started. Walt was so cool, understanding, and professional. I signed the needed releases, he helped me pick out the jewelry, and we got all ready to go. I decided on the normal silver barbell, since I didn’t want my hoo-hah looking like a Christmas tree quite yet.
It was time to go in the back room, take off my pants, and get the show on the road. It was a little strange sitting bare-assed on the piercing table with my legs spread, but I’ve been to the gynecologist before so it wasn’t that much different.
Walt and Sydney were both talking me through it, with Walt telling me everything he was doing every step of the way while Sydney was talking about random current events to help me get my mind off what was going to happen. Surprisingly I wasn’t feeling any butterflies or nerves in my stomach, but I was breathing in and out pretty heavily.
Walt cleaned the area, got the jewelry and needle ready, and told me to relax. I was squeezing Lila’s hand like NUTS and this point, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before I felt some intense pain. He told me it only lasted a minute and that he had to put the receiving tube under my clitoral hood to get the needle. This was a bit uncomfortable, as I had never had anything put under my clitoral hood. He then told me he was going to line up the needle and that I’d feel a pinch. I was so tensed I just wanted him to do it right then.
Before I could tell him to just do it, he did it. I immediately cried out, yelling something about Jesus, Mary, and the ever important but sometimes forgotten Joseph. The truth? It hurt like hell, but only for a few seconds. Soon enough he was putting the jewelry in and I was putting my underwear on. It looked adorable from what I could see, and I was very happy that I had gone through with it.
So in short, it hurt badly for a few seconds, then it was totally chill. And let me tell you, walking upstairs is so much more fun.
Hey girl, just wanted you to know about something I JUST did, I figured you could post it on your blog and share it with the worllllddd!
So, I just got a piercing. Down THERE. That’s right girl, I just got my clitoral hood pierced! In actuality I got a vertical hood piercing, but I’m sure you’ll update your readers on what THAT means. I figured I’d share my experience with you to share with everyone else who is thinking about getting this done.
It all happened when I finally decided to get a piercing that only I would know about. I wanting something sexy and secret that would be my secret (even though I KNEW I would be telling all of my girlfriends as soon as I got back to campus). I did a lot of research and decided that the vertical hood piercing would be the best for me. After I knew what I wanted, I knew I needed to find who would do it for me. I wanted a professional, as that area is an area that I don’t really want anyone messing with. Through word of mouth (AKA one of my best friends Reggie who had hers done as well) that NOLA tattoo had a great piercer who did great work. I took her word, and I am so glad I did.
I didn’t need to make an appointment; I just had to show up. I finished my science lab and made my way to catch the streetcar to get to Nola Tattoo. Right when I left my lab I ran into Sydney. I begged her to go with me because I realized that doing it alone might be very, very difficult. She, being the good friend she is, agreed immediately, even after I told her why I wanted to go (for a piercing) and where I was wanting said piercing.
On the streetcar I was getting a little more nervous, but It wasn’t that bad. Finaly we made it to the parlor and I was totally ready to get started. Walt was so cool, understanding, and professional. I signed the needed releases, he helped me pick out the jewelry, and we got all ready to go. I decided on the normal silver barbell, since I didn’t want my hoo-hah looking like a Christmas tree quite yet.
It was time to go in the back room, take off my pants, and get the show on the road. It was a little strange sitting bare-assed on the piercing table with my legs spread, but I’ve been to the gynecologist before so it wasn’t that much different.
Walt and Sydney were both talking me through it, with Walt telling me everything he was doing every step of the way while Sydney was talking about random current events to help me get my mind off what was going to happen. Surprisingly I wasn’t feeling any butterflies or nerves in my stomach, but I was breathing in and out pretty heavily.
Walt cleaned the area, got the jewelry and needle ready, and told me to relax. I was squeezing Lila’s hand like NUTS and this point, and I knew that it was only a matter of time before I felt some intense pain. He told me it only lasted a minute and that he had to put the receiving tube under my clitoral hood to get the needle. This was a bit uncomfortable, as I had never had anything put under my clitoral hood. He then told me he was going to line up the needle and that I’d feel a pinch. I was so tensed I just wanted him to do it right then.
Before I could tell him to just do it, he did it. I immediately cried out, yelling something about Jesus, Mary, and the ever important but sometimes forgotten Joseph. The truth? It hurt like hell, but only for a few seconds. Soon enough he was putting the jewelry in and I was putting my underwear on. It looked adorable from what I could see, and I was very happy that I had gone through with it.
So in short, it hurt badly for a few seconds, then it was totally chill. And let me tell you, walking upstairs is so much more fun.
Monday, February 16, 2009
You're PREGNANT?! DAMN YOU GRAVITY!!!!
SO I received a question via email today that needed some answering. It went a long the lines of:
Hey, I want some answers to sex questions. What role does gravity play in terms of the likelihood of pregnancy?
It was simple, clear, concise, and begged the question of whether or not this boy (or girl) is worried about the chances of getting pregnant. The question of whether or not gravity affects the likelihood of pregnancy is one of those urban sex myths that can be filed alongside that sneezing prevents pregnancy or that a girl can’t get pregnant their first time experiencing intercourse. Some people would like to believe that if a woman is on top she can’t get pregnant because semen wont be able to (due to gravity) travel up into the uterus and eventually to the unfertilized egg.
The affect of gravity on the movement of semen through the vaginal canal is so negligent that it doesn’t even really matter. Just think of the math: the average ejaculate contains 300 MILLION sperm in about 5 ml of fluid (with the average male dispelling between 1 and 1.5 ml during orgasm and ejaculation). Each and every single one of these sperm cells are trying there hardest to make it to the uterus, so gravity isn’t much of a challenge to these swimming stallions.
In truth, if you want to get pregnant and haven’t been able to, trying gravity-helpful positions (like missionary or with the girl on bottom) can do no harm. That doesn’t mean that gravity can help cause a pregnancy, it just means for those desperate few who want to conceive but can’t, anything is worthy of trying.
After thinking and researching about this topic, I came upon a few more urban sex myths relating to pregnancy and pregnancy prevention. I’ve heard and read about some pretty bullshitastic techniques of expelling semen from the body (or preventing semen from entering) that, if believed, will just result in a baby or two.
Firstly, I have heard that douching with coca-cola or sprite will kill the sperm inside the vagina. Before I even continue, I should probably tell you that douching doesn’t really do anything to prevent pregnancy anyways, so douching with coke or sprite will just irritate your vaginal wall and leave it with a fresh, lemony feeling (which, if that’s what you’re going for, go on with your lemon-lime self).
I’ve also heard that you can’t get pregnant during your period. Ladies (and gentlemen), cycles are so unpredictable and crazy at times that there really are no safe days or weeks to have unprotected sex without fear of conception. That’s why the rhythm method usually fails and why birth control and condoms are so much more effective.
A funny myth is that if the underwear stays on, no one can get pregnant. False False False. I know, it’s unfortunate and scary, but I should warn you that if this was indeed true, condoms would be made out of underwear material and dry humping would be way more socially acceptable. If sperm seeps through underwear, it is just a vulva and vagina away from impregnating an unsuspecting girl who thought she was being “virginal.” Don’t misunderstand me, this is a very rare case scenario and you shouldn’t freak out every time you get some semen on your special under things. Just remember that underwear isn’t really a barrier, its a fashion accessary (and a cute one at that).
A few more things: sneezing, jumping up and down, even coughing hard does not expel enough semen from the vagina to prevent pregnancy. Remember, on average there are 600 million sperm ejaculated at one time…. Coughing, sneezing, or jumping out even a million of these monsters wont stop them from trying to accomplish their mission.
Oh and yes, it’s true: a girl CAN get pregnant her first time, even if she hasn’t gotten her period yet. There are reported cases of girls whose sexual encounters occurred the same month of their first ovulation and they were buying diapers and baby clothes before ever having to buy pads and tampons.
SO children, in conclusion, be safe, use some legitimate barriers (female/male condoms, the pill, the ring, diaphragms, etc) and make sure that you don’t take any old wives tales to heart. If you do, you may end up a 30-year-old “old wife” with a 10-year-old child yourself.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Hey, I want some answers to sex questions. What role does gravity play in terms of the likelihood of pregnancy?
It was simple, clear, concise, and begged the question of whether or not this boy (or girl) is worried about the chances of getting pregnant. The question of whether or not gravity affects the likelihood of pregnancy is one of those urban sex myths that can be filed alongside that sneezing prevents pregnancy or that a girl can’t get pregnant their first time experiencing intercourse. Some people would like to believe that if a woman is on top she can’t get pregnant because semen wont be able to (due to gravity) travel up into the uterus and eventually to the unfertilized egg.
The affect of gravity on the movement of semen through the vaginal canal is so negligent that it doesn’t even really matter. Just think of the math: the average ejaculate contains 300 MILLION sperm in about 5 ml of fluid (with the average male dispelling between 1 and 1.5 ml during orgasm and ejaculation). Each and every single one of these sperm cells are trying there hardest to make it to the uterus, so gravity isn’t much of a challenge to these swimming stallions.
In truth, if you want to get pregnant and haven’t been able to, trying gravity-helpful positions (like missionary or with the girl on bottom) can do no harm. That doesn’t mean that gravity can help cause a pregnancy, it just means for those desperate few who want to conceive but can’t, anything is worthy of trying.
After thinking and researching about this topic, I came upon a few more urban sex myths relating to pregnancy and pregnancy prevention. I’ve heard and read about some pretty bullshitastic techniques of expelling semen from the body (or preventing semen from entering) that, if believed, will just result in a baby or two.
Firstly, I have heard that douching with coca-cola or sprite will kill the sperm inside the vagina. Before I even continue, I should probably tell you that douching doesn’t really do anything to prevent pregnancy anyways, so douching with coke or sprite will just irritate your vaginal wall and leave it with a fresh, lemony feeling (which, if that’s what you’re going for, go on with your lemon-lime self).
I’ve also heard that you can’t get pregnant during your period. Ladies (and gentlemen), cycles are so unpredictable and crazy at times that there really are no safe days or weeks to have unprotected sex without fear of conception. That’s why the rhythm method usually fails and why birth control and condoms are so much more effective.
A funny myth is that if the underwear stays on, no one can get pregnant. False False False. I know, it’s unfortunate and scary, but I should warn you that if this was indeed true, condoms would be made out of underwear material and dry humping would be way more socially acceptable. If sperm seeps through underwear, it is just a vulva and vagina away from impregnating an unsuspecting girl who thought she was being “virginal.” Don’t misunderstand me, this is a very rare case scenario and you shouldn’t freak out every time you get some semen on your special under things. Just remember that underwear isn’t really a barrier, its a fashion accessary (and a cute one at that).
A few more things: sneezing, jumping up and down, even coughing hard does not expel enough semen from the vagina to prevent pregnancy. Remember, on average there are 600 million sperm ejaculated at one time…. Coughing, sneezing, or jumping out even a million of these monsters wont stop them from trying to accomplish their mission.
Oh and yes, it’s true: a girl CAN get pregnant her first time, even if she hasn’t gotten her period yet. There are reported cases of girls whose sexual encounters occurred the same month of their first ovulation and they were buying diapers and baby clothes before ever having to buy pads and tampons.
SO children, in conclusion, be safe, use some legitimate barriers (female/male condoms, the pill, the ring, diaphragms, etc) and make sure that you don’t take any old wives tales to heart. If you do, you may end up a 30-year-old “old wife” with a 10-year-old child yourself.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
from HJ's to BJ's
So when my best friend Johnny and his buddies read my article about why women should give hand jobs, their reaction was pretty surprising. They told me that though well written (they have to say that or I wont bring them beer and hook them up with my sorority sisters), the article was a little too far reaching.
The conversation went like this:
ADAM: We don’t want hand jobs. We really can do it better than girls anyways.
ME: So what do you want me to do? Write an article about why women should give head instead?
BOYS: (in unison) YES!
Talking to this table of hulking football players got me thinking about men and their “oral” fixation. It’s because of this that I am going to share with you some hints, tips, and advice to give some wow-you-give-it-like-a-porn star type of head.
Male oral sex has been called many-a-things since the beginning of its existence. People have called it head, dome, blowjob, and the scientific community calls it fellatio. Just because it’s called a blowjob doesn’t mean that there should be any blowing though (seriously don’t do it). This is a rookie mistake that can lead so some serious discomfort.
There are many reasons women enjoy giving head and men enjoy receiving it. Firstly and most obviously, women can do more with their cheeks, lips, and tongues than they can with their vagina. It’s a simple fact of physiology. People also enjoy giving head because it gives them not only a sense of intimacy, but also a sense of power. As Samantha in Sex & The City once said, “I may be on my knees, but I’ve got him by the balls.”
The art of the blowjob is simple in that penises are a lot less mysterious than the female equivalent. Think about it, it’s all out there wagging in the wind and there isn’t much to search for. When giving head, one needs only to know what parts of the penis are the most sensitive and what will feel bad.
Firstly, a note about anatomy. Unlike the clitoris which is a small area packed with nerve endings, the penis does not have the same sensitivity over its entirety. The head of the penis is where sensation is most exquisite, and therefore more time should be spent in this locale than on the base of the shaft.
To start on your fallatio endeavor, you should get into a position that is most comfortable for you. Certain positions can make the event more comfortable for both partners as well as decrease the affect of the gag reflex. Quick side note, deepthroating is a novelty not a necessity. Deepthroating actually doesn’t do much for a man in the sense of direct stimulation, but it can still be a turn on for him mentally. If you don’t want to do this but your man keeps pressuring you, grab a banana and tell him to stick the whole thing in his mouth. That should bring him down from that cloud real quick.
A great position to start with is where the woman is in between her partner’s legs while he is laying down. She can look up at him and he can watch her do her thing. A variation of this is if the woman is on top in reverse, like a 69 position. This is very erotic as the man can watch her do her thing from behind. The bad thing about this bad boy of a position is that the giver doesn’t have the best range of motion or the best access to the penis.
If the guy wants to do all the work (aka if he wants to gently thrust into his partners mouth instead of her doing the motion) he should sit on her chest and lean over her. This potition is great and allows a wide range of motion.
So now that we have positions, lets get into technique. If you haven’t ever given head, you can start by pretending that you are sucking on a Popsicle. This is just something to start out with, as eventually the man will get tired of the same repetitious movement.
To prevent gagging, you can keep a fist on the base of his shaft so that only about 3 inches of phallic monstrosity can enter your mouth. It feels good to him and he wont even notice why you are doing it.
You can lick the penis with the end of your tongue or give it a long lick with the fat middle part. They call this the “Shirley Temple” because it is as if the giver is licking a lollipop.
Try twisting your head when you are going down and up on the shaft. This gives the receiver a greater amount of stimulation. Make sure to focus on the upper half of the penis though, as this is where the most nerve endings are.
If you look at the penis, there is a long seam that runs along the shaft from midway through the scrotum all the way up to the head. Try licking from his testicles all the way up the entire shaft. He won’t even know what hit him.
Try pulling the skin on the penis taut. If you take your thumb and forefinger and place them around the penis a few centimeters above the base and pull down, the skin on the skin on the shaft will be pulled tighter and will, in turn, increase sensation. This may also encourage the man to come sooner.
While giving head, never neglect the nipples. Some guys have nipples that are super sensitive, especially during oral intercourse.
Creating a slight vacuum in your mouth is another technique that many men enjoy. By sucking in slightly, your mouth engulfs his shaft and he feels is so much more.
I know you’ve heard this before, but the perineum (the area between the testicles and the anus) is a great place to place a knuckle or two while giving head. Ask your partner first; otherwise things may not come to the way you want them to.
Ladies, play up the fact that he probably is watching you do your thing. Raise your hips in the air slightly so he can see your curves, and really show with your body how into the act you are.
To increase sensation even more, try tapping, humming, or vibrating your lips. It’s easy to understand why this feels good to a man, as this feels good for a woman as well.
Temperature changes can turn any luke-warm moment red-hot and flaming. Try putting hot water in your mouth to make the inside of your cheeks and tongue extra warm. It feels great on the man's member and the water can be used as extra lubrication when spit just isn’t working enough.
Talk about wants, needs, desires, and try your own experiments to figure out what feels good for you and your partner. Now that you know some positions, tips, and techniques, get down to business and have some fun.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
The conversation went like this:
ADAM: We don’t want hand jobs. We really can do it better than girls anyways.
ME: So what do you want me to do? Write an article about why women should give head instead?
BOYS: (in unison) YES!
Talking to this table of hulking football players got me thinking about men and their “oral” fixation. It’s because of this that I am going to share with you some hints, tips, and advice to give some wow-you-give-it-like-a-porn star type of head.
Male oral sex has been called many-a-things since the beginning of its existence. People have called it head, dome, blowjob, and the scientific community calls it fellatio. Just because it’s called a blowjob doesn’t mean that there should be any blowing though (seriously don’t do it). This is a rookie mistake that can lead so some serious discomfort.
There are many reasons women enjoy giving head and men enjoy receiving it. Firstly and most obviously, women can do more with their cheeks, lips, and tongues than they can with their vagina. It’s a simple fact of physiology. People also enjoy giving head because it gives them not only a sense of intimacy, but also a sense of power. As Samantha in Sex & The City once said, “I may be on my knees, but I’ve got him by the balls.”
The art of the blowjob is simple in that penises are a lot less mysterious than the female equivalent. Think about it, it’s all out there wagging in the wind and there isn’t much to search for. When giving head, one needs only to know what parts of the penis are the most sensitive and what will feel bad.
Firstly, a note about anatomy. Unlike the clitoris which is a small area packed with nerve endings, the penis does not have the same sensitivity over its entirety. The head of the penis is where sensation is most exquisite, and therefore more time should be spent in this locale than on the base of the shaft.
To start on your fallatio endeavor, you should get into a position that is most comfortable for you. Certain positions can make the event more comfortable for both partners as well as decrease the affect of the gag reflex. Quick side note, deepthroating is a novelty not a necessity. Deepthroating actually doesn’t do much for a man in the sense of direct stimulation, but it can still be a turn on for him mentally. If you don’t want to do this but your man keeps pressuring you, grab a banana and tell him to stick the whole thing in his mouth. That should bring him down from that cloud real quick.
A great position to start with is where the woman is in between her partner’s legs while he is laying down. She can look up at him and he can watch her do her thing. A variation of this is if the woman is on top in reverse, like a 69 position. This is very erotic as the man can watch her do her thing from behind. The bad thing about this bad boy of a position is that the giver doesn’t have the best range of motion or the best access to the penis.
If the guy wants to do all the work (aka if he wants to gently thrust into his partners mouth instead of her doing the motion) he should sit on her chest and lean over her. This potition is great and allows a wide range of motion.
So now that we have positions, lets get into technique. If you haven’t ever given head, you can start by pretending that you are sucking on a Popsicle. This is just something to start out with, as eventually the man will get tired of the same repetitious movement.
To prevent gagging, you can keep a fist on the base of his shaft so that only about 3 inches of phallic monstrosity can enter your mouth. It feels good to him and he wont even notice why you are doing it.
You can lick the penis with the end of your tongue or give it a long lick with the fat middle part. They call this the “Shirley Temple” because it is as if the giver is licking a lollipop.
Try twisting your head when you are going down and up on the shaft. This gives the receiver a greater amount of stimulation. Make sure to focus on the upper half of the penis though, as this is where the most nerve endings are.
If you look at the penis, there is a long seam that runs along the shaft from midway through the scrotum all the way up to the head. Try licking from his testicles all the way up the entire shaft. He won’t even know what hit him.
Try pulling the skin on the penis taut. If you take your thumb and forefinger and place them around the penis a few centimeters above the base and pull down, the skin on the skin on the shaft will be pulled tighter and will, in turn, increase sensation. This may also encourage the man to come sooner.
While giving head, never neglect the nipples. Some guys have nipples that are super sensitive, especially during oral intercourse.
Creating a slight vacuum in your mouth is another technique that many men enjoy. By sucking in slightly, your mouth engulfs his shaft and he feels is so much more.
I know you’ve heard this before, but the perineum (the area between the testicles and the anus) is a great place to place a knuckle or two while giving head. Ask your partner first; otherwise things may not come to the way you want them to.
Ladies, play up the fact that he probably is watching you do your thing. Raise your hips in the air slightly so he can see your curves, and really show with your body how into the act you are.
To increase sensation even more, try tapping, humming, or vibrating your lips. It’s easy to understand why this feels good to a man, as this feels good for a woman as well.
Temperature changes can turn any luke-warm moment red-hot and flaming. Try putting hot water in your mouth to make the inside of your cheeks and tongue extra warm. It feels great on the man's member and the water can be used as extra lubrication when spit just isn’t working enough.
Talk about wants, needs, desires, and try your own experiments to figure out what feels good for you and your partner. Now that you know some positions, tips, and techniques, get down to business and have some fun.
Always,
Your Kinseyette
A little sparkle to start off your day!
A little something my lovely Chelsea sent me!!
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Want to be on top? Be warned!!
I have a quick warning for all of you sexual adventurers who have found that the girl-on-top position is the position most likely to bring about the female orgasm. My warning is to both partners, and involves the potential permanent damage to the penis. That’s right, boys I bet you are listening now: heed this warning or risk a broken bone. And by bone I mean boner. Oh yes, boner.
Injuries resulting from sexual intercourse can cause a penis to bend permanently in a strange way. Most of these types of occurances happen during the girl-in-top (both forward and reverse) positions.
Urologists who deal with these injuries have a few suggestions to prevent having to make an appointment with the ER. Firstly, lots and lots of lubricant should be used. The more slippery the area, the less likely it is that the penis-to-vagina friction will end up with a oops-I-slipped-off-you-and-brought-your-dick-with-me experience.
The girl should also restrict her up and down motion. Many a time a lady has come home too hard and missed the target. Try doing a more of a rocking or rubbing movement. Circular movement enhances sensation on both the female g-spot and clitoris, so that’s a must-try for any couple. You can also try putting a pillow under the man’s hips so that his partner can have more access to his pelvis and in turn, his penis. Also, ladies, squeeze your vaginal muscles (like trying to stop peeing). Its enjoyable for your partner and forces his penis to be tightly held inside of you.
In other words, be careful and use other techniques to get off. And remember, have fun ☺
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Injuries resulting from sexual intercourse can cause a penis to bend permanently in a strange way. Most of these types of occurances happen during the girl-in-top (both forward and reverse) positions.
Urologists who deal with these injuries have a few suggestions to prevent having to make an appointment with the ER. Firstly, lots and lots of lubricant should be used. The more slippery the area, the less likely it is that the penis-to-vagina friction will end up with a oops-I-slipped-off-you-and-brought-your-dick-with-me experience.
The girl should also restrict her up and down motion. Many a time a lady has come home too hard and missed the target. Try doing a more of a rocking or rubbing movement. Circular movement enhances sensation on both the female g-spot and clitoris, so that’s a must-try for any couple. You can also try putting a pillow under the man’s hips so that his partner can have more access to his pelvis and in turn, his penis. Also, ladies, squeeze your vaginal muscles (like trying to stop peeing). Its enjoyable for your partner and forces his penis to be tightly held inside of you.
In other words, be careful and use other techniques to get off. And remember, have fun ☺
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Monday, February 9, 2009
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Not quite about sex...
... But helpful nonetheless. These are 12 rules for life, picked up while I was stumbling today. Enjoy!
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "you are right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.
7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"
8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
11. Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours; It's on loan to us while we're here ...even our kids.
12. And finally...Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan
Always,
Your Kinseyette
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize" and "you are right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
6. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.
7. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, "Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?"
8. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
9. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
10. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
11. Work is good, but it's not that important. Money is nice, but you can't take it with you. Statistics show most people don't live to spend all they saved; some die even before they retire. Anything we have isn't really ours; It's on loan to us while we're here ...even our kids.
12. And finally...Be really good to your family and/or friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan
Always,
Your Kinseyette
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
